What is the statute of limitations on boyfriends trying to hook up with old girlfriends?

I've been dating a man for almost 4 years. He has been very kind and loving and is a wonderful person. We have our issues, and over the last year I have discovered a dating site account and emails to and from his last girlfriend. In the emails he sent, he was trying to meet up with her for a date at a very fancy restaurant, something I very rarely get from him. He also claimed he still had feelings for her, and there were emails spanning the duration of our relationship. I don't believe she ever met with him, and these emails were from a year ago. He also sent her an email about two months ago telling her about the loss of his father, and in that email he stated that they had not seen one another for 3 years. Yes, I was the bad girlfriend who looked at his emails. I get what that means, and I admit it was wrong. I wish I had not seen them, but I did and had reason to wonder given a recent break up between us over the dating site problem. He claims he has not been with or seen or talked to or tried to talk to anyone in a romantic manner during our 3+ years together, but I have seen the emails sent to this ex-girlfriend and know this is not the case. There has been, as far as I can tell, no contact like that for a year. So...do I let this go or not? It was a year ago, and we are better and stronger than ever since then. I really don't know what to do. I did, in a moment of weakness, contact this other woman in a friendly manner, asking her if there had been anything between them. Mostly, I wanted to let her know that I am intimate with this person, and if she is as well, I thought she should know about me. Ack. What do I do? I am educated and not a fool, but I feel like I am behaving as such and being treated as such.


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What Guys Said 1

  • to me the problem isn't whether or not he is havingt sex with other people. the problem is that he seems to be living a life aside from you. dating sites, lots of back and forth with the ex including trying to set up dates. To me this is just stuff I wouldn't want in my relationship and if he has a good relationship with the ex and it is purely platonic then why isn't it on the down low? like why doesn't he just state that she is a friend so it doesn't seem like he's trying to sort of keep this whole relationship a secret.

    I would definitely need clarity on this situation because to me it reeks of a guy/person who, even if they haven't had sex or met up in a while, is kind of double dipping

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    • But why would he be with me for so long, taking care of my needs, and still want someone else? We each have kids, and our families are basically joined without the same address. He has made plans for our future, and I am close with his mom and sister. Why would a man be with a woman in the way he is with me and still express feelings for someone else?

    • i honestly don't know...hedging his bets? just needing attention? perhaps she reaches out to him and he can't say no... but I mean he had a dating profile despite being with you so clearly there is something going on in his head that leads him to not really shut out other women entirely

What Girls Said 1

  • You are in a difficult situation...it depends on what the issues are that you have been having. If he has good enough qualities, I would try VERY hard to get past this because there doesn't seem to be many great single guys out there!

    If you looked at his email ( which I have done before ) that tells me that something was making you suspect that something wasn't right...if you want it to work with him, maybe you guys could do some therapy? Does he know that you contacted her yet? Men do not usually like that sort of thing...that may cause some issues between you :-(

    Good luck...I know how hard it is to trust...and they want to act like we are the ones with the problems because we cannot trust...but they give us the reasons not to trust...

    if you have gotten in hot water with him about contacting him, I would definitely approach it from the what is good for the goose is good for the gander standpoint ( Instead of the victim standpoint ) And remain as confident as you can...because this could quickly turn around and make you look like a person with no self-confidence and that will only make things worse... good luck!

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    • You are so awesome. Thank you. He's really the best man I've known, and he has his own self-esteem issues due to divorce, and, well, guys really are uber emotional and weird sometimes.

      Yes, we had the dating site issue over the summer, and that is what has me doubting his words. He lied initially, but he eventually fessed up. He does not know I contacted her. I don't plan to tell him either.

    • I hope that SHE doesn't tell him ! It really is no fun dating at this age...so if you have a good one, make it work. We all have issues at this age due to past hurts, etc. If you can get him to TALK about the self-esteem issues, it would be awesome & help build your relationship into an even stronger one...keep us posted!

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