#LoveYourself
VALENTINE'S DAY

I wanna propose to my girlfriend, any suggestions?

well last year I broke it off with her because I felt I was not the guy she was suppose to end up with. we were dating for 6 years. I broke it off because I thought this girl whom I left her for, was much better because she had plenty of money. my ex tried her heart out to get me to see what she had to say, I even made her cry but I didn't mean none of this to happen and I didn't know how to fix none of it. the girl whom I left her for moved in with me. she basically was the type that thought money would make me stay and eventually lead to marriage. she changed her looks for me and basically changed herself. for an example, she would autocorrect herself. last year before I met her she did not do any of this. I pushed my ex girlfriend away because I already felt bad enough that I got myself in a situation that could turn into a legal situation. I only broke up with my ex because I was beginning to feel like I was not the right dude for her. the girl whom I had living with me was paying my bills, and working. she was only working because I was. she was around me 24 hours of the day, she didn't even go see her family. I was doing all the driving and cooking. my ex girlfriend finally gave up and I felt as though I needed to make things right with her because that's where my heart was at. I tried to force myself to move on away from her. the girl who lived with me, we been dating for a year. her name was on my housing lease and I could not break it or the landlord threatened to take me to court over it. my family knew the relationship with the girl I left her for would not last. she was around me all the time. I couldn't even hold a full time job because of her. I'm trying to make things work with my ex, we both want things to work between us. the only thing different is, she still cry a lot because she's hurting. I really want to marry her but I don't want to do it out of feeling guilty. I really love this girl. for Christmas I bought the girl whom I was dating a gold necklace. I try to do things with my ex, but all I hear is "i don't wanna do this with you because you done it with her". if I buy her a pair of earrings she feel not worthy. to me, she is trying to compete with the last girl because she felt like she should have money like her. what should I do? I know a year is a long time but it was myself that did that stupid mess. I really want to propose to her on Valentine's day. but how can I make this up to her? she don't wanna hug me nor kiss me like she use to. all I get is " no you did this with your last girlfriend" she's so paranoid I might go back to the girl that was staying with me . when I leave the house for a while, I come back she's crying, getting her keys and leaving the house. don't get me wrong she loves me, but she feel like since the girl stayed with me for a year and a half, she feel like I did everything in the world with her. I really love her and want to marry her with my all heart.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • In that entire speech, you did not explain WHY you love this girl and want to marry her.

    This entire thing was about how bad you feel, how you got yourself into a bind, and how she's paranoid. These are all good things to mention, but because you don't have any reason to explain why you love this girl so much, it makes me think that you only "love" her out of convenience.

    Why did you think you were not the guy she was supposed to end up with? What made you change your mind about this point? (NOTE: Your whole experience with the rich chick really did not affect this issue, so what changed your mind?)

    You completely bulldozed this girl's heart repeatedly for an extended period of time. She will never be the same. Your relationship will never go back to what it was. It's possible you'll both be able to grow beyond it and move past this whole thing, but it will take a lot of time and a reestablishment of trust. Even then, she will have a scar from this whole thing.

    You are not ready to marry her. She is definitely not ready to marry you - she isn't really even ready to date you again it sounds like! You need to sit down with her and ask her to tell you everything she's feeling. Say as little as possible. Just let her get all her feelings out into the open, and you can move on from there.

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    • Completely agree with you.

    • thank you alot! I'm sorry I didn't include that I just wanted to only mention my wrong doings because the situation is actually much bigger

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What Girls Said 6

  • Why on earth do you think getting married is a good idea when your girlfriend is clearly miserable. If you can't sort it out yourself maybe ask your girlfriend what would make her feel better? Have some options ready, such as counselling, let her know you'll do whatever it takes. Getting married will not fix this and if I was unhappy I'd probably say no and then leave

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  • That poor girl, I got left for someone else too and its the most hurtful experience you could ever go through, You thought the grass was greener on the other side and wanted some fun instead of routine by the sounds of things, Don't get married yet if I was you, I would sort your relationship out first as it sounds all over the place, I can see where your ex is coming from I would be exactly the same, I wouldn't even know if I would ever take my ex back and we have a child together, So many feelings get hurt when you do something like this!

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    • thanks for this! I needed to hear something like this! and we are going to work on us before anything further! this helps alot

  • From reading all of that, I don't think you'd be quite ready to get married in two months... Maybe it'd be better to wait until you're on better terms with her where she isn't crying or comparing herself to your previous girlfriend anymore. Then, you should decide to propose... when the time is right.

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  • Sorry but this really doesn't sound like love to me. It sounds like you really don't want to be alone. You are not ready to marry anyone. I think you need to live by yourself for awhile - at least six months if not longer and just date someone like a normal person - no living together, no one else paying your bills, no one keeping you from working a full time job, no one cleaning up after you or telling you what you can or can't do, etc.

    If your ex and you get back together, it needs to be because you both really want to be together not because you're afraid to be by yourself.

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    • well that's where you missed my point...i did miss her and I really do still in fact love her. in fact I love her even more. I'm one of those guys who thought the grass was much greener on the other side. its not that I don't want to be alone I just thought having a girl with money will bring you happiness and I thought I was missing out

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    • i don't wanna marry her fast...im just thinking about a promise ring or something perhaps. I'm not gonna hurt her again I promise ya that

    • You've already made up your mind so why are you asking for advice on here?

  • It sounds like something of convenience. Don't get married. Please think about it. Wait

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  • You're not ready, give it some time

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What Guys Said 1

  • what I hear is you dumped a girl because a girl with money came along and you thought that would be the key to things.

    but then you realized money isn't everything but now you've dug yourself in. but rather than just walk away from the girl you have stayed around and bought her jewelry.

    i don't see why you'd propose to your ex. you should prove to you and her that you are a loving, devoted, selfless, partner. you shouldn't want to be in a relationship until you are those things and I don't think you are there yet

    your ex wants to know that you are truly devoted to her, and based on your actions I can see why she'd have questions...so of course she cries at times. she's not paranoid she's actually very sane to think you may completely ditch her because that's what you've done.

    I think you are young and not sure what you want. You think marrying the ex will solve the problems but it won't... Your best move... If you truly TRULY love and want to be with you ex. try to begin dating that's all. A relationship take time, it's like building a house. you can't just move into the master bedroom without putting it all together. build something with your ex if she is the one you want to be with. don't rush things,don't skip steps. it may take a long time to prove to her that you are 100% commited to her but that is what marriage takes

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    • THANKS! ALL THE ANSWERS ON HERE ARE GREAT!

Valentines Day
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