He doesn't want to move in.

My boyfriend and I have dated for almost three years. He had always spoken of moving in together and recently decided to move out on his own (past 3 months).

Feeling as though I have given him everything and been true to him, I expected this type of commitment from it but it fell through. I want him to be happy but I know I just don't want to wait for him while he takes his time.

He is such a special person to me and I want him in my life but I want to keep my options open if someone should come along and be more serious about me. I know he loves me and I love him but at this point in my life I need more commitment. What should I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • To be honest, if after 3 years he's not willing to make some form of a committment, it doesn't look good for you.

    Now, where was he living before he moved out on his own? Was he with his parents? If so, maybe he wants to see what it's like to live on his own first.

    However, I am curious to know how it fell through. Was he saying he was going to move in with you, then changed his mind? Perhaps he got cold feet.

    For many, moving in is a significant step in the marriage direction. And a lot of people start making comments. It's definitely a lot of pressure. So perhaps he's just super nervous and realized he wasn't ready.

    I would talk to him about this. If he won't give you a clear answer and isn't sure about your relationship, let him know what it's like to be without you for a bit.

    Be open to meeting new people. A guy should know what he wants and he should want you. A guy shouldn't be unsure. If he's unsure then he doesn't want you.

    You deserve a guy who is head over heels for you and has no hesitation to this type of stuff.

    • I appreciate your well thought out feedback. I love him so much and I know he loves me but I need him to put his foot down. Things like not deleting his ex off Facebook when she continuously tried to get with him, not moving in with me when he was the one who brought up the idea and not even looking for apartments when he said he wants to live on his own make me feel like I can't rely on him. I eventually want a family, if I wait for him I run the risk of giving up this dream and wasting my time

    • Yea, you totally have to make a call. If this guy is falling through on plans you two make, then he will do this in the future. Do you want an unreliable husband or partner? You definitely need to take a stand here.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Tell him that last paragraph. If he says he can't do that, then you have your answer.

  • First, everyone should experience the independence of living alone before they marry and cohabitate, in my opinion. Living alone helps one become more responsible and self-sufficient. I'm assuming that your guy lived with roommates or at home based on your omission to provide the details of his prior residence; correct me if I'm wrong.

    Secondly, and arguably equally important, cohabitating with him is a financial bond and therefore will not make him more or less committed to you emotionally.

    Furthermore, longitudinal studies have shown that premarital cohabitation with a partner does not increase the chance that it will lead to a successful marriage. Studies have also shown that cohabitating with one's partner before marriage makes breaking-up much easier( yes, never making it down the aisle as a couple) due to the lack of legal and contractual obligation involved.

    In any case, I'm not attempting to discourage you, or influence you, for that matter. I simply want you to realize that it's possible for him to be as committed to you either way.

    I suggest that you reconsider what a true commitment in a relationship is to you. Then, I suggest you have a one-on-one with him about your needs and expectations and vice versa to find a common ground.

    If you are not on the same page with one another, moving in will do more harm than good.


What Girls Said 3

  • With a nice and classy demeanor, end the relationship. Saying that you want different things and that you don't want too pressure him into somehting he doesn't feel ready for.

    After that classy break-up, you ove on with your life and find someone who will genuinely love and adore every inch of you and will want to marry you etc.


  • It kinda sounds like he's happy with the way things are and is a little scared to make changes. I would sit him down and really talk to him about how you feel and where you want your relationship to go.

  • He's comfortable. Tell him you're looking for more


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