Ways to stop ruminating about an Ex.

It's been six months since I broke up with a boyfriend of mine. I've turned down a couple guys because I couldn't stop thinking about him. I'll break down and contact him after a couple months of not talkingand I always sound pathetic. I have thought about him everyday. I can't quite understand why I can't let him go. Why time isn't creating a distance between him and I. I didn't want to break up with him but I needed to. If I got back together with him I'd be happy on the service but never fully because our standards are too different. I know this. I understand this. But can't stop longing for him. I've been trying a tactic where I acknowledge I'm thinking about him, then say "that's in the past" and ,ove on. That's helped. Are thee any other suggestions for me? A new boyfriend will not help me I know.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "If I got back together with him I'd be happy on the service but never fully because our standards are too different."

    Isn’t happiness enough?

    If you really want to get over him or find out why you are feeling this way, strange as it sounds you have to be on good terms with him, I assume you aren't today since you are not talking.

    If you keep some form of contact with him you can also stop speculating and stop putting him and the relationship on a pedestal.

    You then see all sides and have a better judgement on the situation and can make a better decision on whether your feelings for him are valid or not.

    Either way its way better than to force your feelings out or “pretend” it’s over when it’s not.

    There is a reason why you are thinking of him, I'd say find out why first before you decide anything else, unresolved issues is what makes us feel bad.

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    • We do keep in contact. We aren't on bad terms. I can't understand why I feel how I do is my greatest issue

    • Ok, then it's obvious you still have feelings for him, why deny them? If he made you happy why aren't you with him?

      All "tactics" fail at some point because you can't "get over" someone if you still look up to them and the reason why you can't look down on someone you loved is because you still love them.

      But to really solve your issue you need to ask yourself what you REALLY want, let that answer reflect how you truly feel.

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What Guys Said 3

  • It sounds like you regard him really highly and that's why you're having trouble. What your saying helps but also add on that even though there was a lot of good feelings from the relationship, there were some clear deal breakers and you realize that ultimately it's not what you wanted. Having hardship for right now will pay off. You're going to find someone that will fit into your life once you get a better hold of your place in the world.

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  • This is a very tough question, but I will try to answer it to the best of my ability. Please do not feel inclined to do anything I suggest, it is just a suggestion. Do what YOU think is right and will work best for you.

    I have never experienced this before. Of course, I'm very new to the dating game, but but I do have two exes. Fortunately, I am still friends with both of them, and I feel that friendship is a good first step. Once you're friends, communicate with one another about how you feel, and what is keeping you apart. If at all possible, could you reach a compromise? If it's definitely not going to work, just be friends. Friendship is a strong bond. Above all, keep a cool head about things, don't tear yourself up over something like this. I know it's a cliche phrase and that it's incredibly goofy, but there are plenty of fish in the sea. And chances are that one of them is just like him.

    I hope everything works out.

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  • lobotomy?

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    • I hope feeling this way doesn't qualify me for a lobotomy

    • i think a new boyfriend would help. or maybe rebound sex. by the sounds of things doesn't sound like youve tried dating. if not time heals all. believe me its been 2 years since I've had somebody, get that point ill bet youve changed your point of view, or you might be back with your ex like most people do

What Girls Said 3

  • The main thing is to just give it time. After a two-year relationship I was in, I could not stop thinking about the guy because I genuinely loved him and cared for him so naturally I missed him. I thought I would never be able to move on because I went on dates and everything but none of them seemed to match up to what my ex made me feel. It took almost a year since the break up, but I finally had met someone who made me feel what my ex couldn't and he made me happy. It took forever it seemed, but give it time and it'll work itself out. In the meantime, keep yourself busy. The busier you are, the less you will think about him. If you have him on social media, you don't have to un-friend him or block him, but make it to where you can't see his posts. Temporarily get rid of his number (write it down if you don't want to delete it for good). Things like this help distract you and help you move on faster.

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  • Keep doing your tactic.(Thumbs up to you for being proactive.) This is a process you have to go through, and get out of eventually. You don't have to date someone right away. Allow yourself to live in a world where he doesn't exist (as your boyfriend). The most important thing? Have fun. (Remember what that was like? Lol.) laugh more, live a little. Indulge your friends, do something new, spontaneous and crazy, go on road trips, go to rock concerts for bands you hate just so that you can yell profanities (oh, wait, never mind that! Lol) ... whatever you do for fun, do it. And do it often. That'll help you come out of the limbo you're in. Hope all goes well.

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  • To begin with...after a break up our minds seem to remember things better than they were and forget how they REALLY were. Think I'm wrong? Get back with an ex...a month later it will all come back to you why they were an ex!

    Unfortunately there is no magic button to push or pill to take that will make those feelings just go away. Time and effort to move on is what it will take. The reasons you broke up with him most likely have not changed and if he isn't contacting you he's probably OK with the break up. If you go out with someone else focus on their good qualities and try not to compare them to him. If you are cheating yourself out of joy and truly can't move on, you may need to see a counselor.

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