How to get back with an ex girlfriend after 3 years apart?

My ex and I dated for around one year before we broke up around 3 years ago. We basically broke up because we prioritized our relationship differently - she wanted it to be less serious because she was busy with her own stuff, whereas I wanted her to be more committed to me.

Long story short, she dumped me and the next two years were a roller coaster of emotions for both of us. I swear we "became friends" and "decided not to be friends" at least three or four times. We were pretty damn immature back then, since we dated when we were 14-15 and we were each others' first loves.

Anyway, I reached out to her via text a few weeks ago and asked if she wanted to hang out since I figured she would come back home for the holidays (we're both freshmen in college now). The last time we had talked/hung out was over a year ago. She agreed, but she said that this was "in no way a date or a sign or anything".

Honestly, I didn't even think I liked her anymore since it had been a super long time, so I told her not to worry and I wouldn't treat it as a date or anything. I ended up taking her to the weight room on campus to work out with me and she came over afterward to watch a movie with me at my house.

I felt all those all affections slowly coming back as we hung out, and I swear I have never seen her so comfortable around me in a long time-more so than all those other attempts of friendship we had earlier. But, I had already told her I didn't like her anymore so I made every effort to act that way - no hugs, no sitting with her on the couch, acting polite and kind but not flirty.

I can't explain it, and I hope I'm not just imaging it, but I swear she is interested in me again. Subtle comments here and there about how much more in shape I am and teasing me about my size (I started lifting in September and I've bulked up like 15 pounds), and several other things. She even offered to come back to the gym with me before she goes back to school in two weeks.

My question is, since I only have about two more chances to see her before she leaves, how should I handle it? I'm afraid that if I come on too strong within the first few meetings, she'll feel too intimidated. At the same time, if I'm too subtle, I might let a chance slip away since I probably won't see her again for several months. And on that topic, is it even smart to start a long distance relationship at this point in my life (college is full of new opportunities and people) with an EX?

Any advice is very appreciated :)


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think your still hung up over your ex. There's a reason why you asked to hang out with her in the first place am I right? She made it clear that its not a date, but you went through with it anyway thinking oh whatever as long as I get to hang out with her at all or see is her is what matters while you really deep down still want to be with her. This will only hurt you more in the end. The longer you don't see your ex at all the better you will be able to get over her. This might sound a little mean, but its been three years, I'm actually surprised your not over her. I honestly think your being a little bit of a fool by hanging out with her and trying to win her back when she dumped you in the first place. Because of this its going to be real hard to get her back. It would be a different story if you dumped her. I've only had one boyfriend in my life, and I was the dumpee as well, but let me tell you I would never in a million years consider even calling him or trying to win him back. He dumped me for a reason and I'm not gonna be a fool.

    On the other hand based on your encounter that you had I would say your ex does not have a very positive outlook on life, 3 years is a long time especially since you both went through a change from hs to college. She doesn't realize that people can change. DO NOT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, but its possible that she didn't think she would like you that much, but when you were hanging out, maybe she sorta changed her mind slightly about you and maybe she realizes you did change because it seems like she was flirting with you. What I would do is ask if she wants to come hang out again and do the same thing you guys did by going to the gym and all. I wouldn't put too much pressure on her into trying to date her, just hang out with her and see how it goes. From there afterward leave it alone, and if she calls or texts you then there maybe something, if not move on and she probably doesn't like you.

    • i didn't need to ask her to hang out again. she asked me to hang out again. my question is how I should act during those last two times we hang out before she leaves :P

    • I'm not sure I understand when you say "i didn't need to ask her to hang out again. she asked me to hang out again", because in the beginning of your description you said that you reached out to her via text to hang out with her first. That's what I was referring to in my first paragraph. If your talking about how she asked to hang out again at the gym then yes my 2nd paragraph answers your question.

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What Girls Said 3

  • It's a worn out statement, but, exes are exes for a reason. AND, she told you that you shouldn't take it as a date or a sign. To be honest, if she was interested in getting back to you, she probably would have told you already, or at least kept in contact. You need to move on.

  • Honestly? Exes are exes indefinitely . Leave it be. Not worth it - trust me...

  • I think you need closure of some sort. I recommend that you just ask get it out of your system. Just be prepared for the answer. If she say yes thumbs up but if she says no. Time to move on for good.


What Guys Said 1

  • Ask someone else out , ' the abundance ' mindset . She Dumped you so move on to the next one.

    • sounds good in theory bro, but I can honestly say that I'm not as interested in anybody else as I am in my ex right now. can't just ask people out who I'm not interested in :(

    • Show All
    • i have been talking to and hanging out with other girls, mainly girls that I've known for most of my life since we grew up in the same church together.

      i don't think I'm being stalky or clingy or whatever with my ex. unless talking to her for the first time in over six months is clingy.

    • she dumped you so move on to new girls not ' friend zone ' ones, you will be wasting your time trying to get her back, but it's your time and do you want to get dumped again by her ? Sounds clingy to me and locked in the past .