Should I remain friends with this girl I had feelings for?

So I had feelings for a girl who's in a long distance relationship. She was engaged, but then broke it off. She was on and off with him in terms of being a couple. I told her how I felt and for about a month we spent a lot of time together. We spent so much time together that it was like we were a couple. Eventually I got tired of the uncertainty with her so I told her let's just be friends. We continued to spent time together. I shouldn't have continued spending so much time with her because it reminded me that I was giving her up. I became so serious around her and it seemed like just about anything she said made me angry though I never said what bothered me. I meant to let her go and be done with it after she left.

I honestly didn't think she'd come back after she left, but she did. When she came back she was engaged with her boyfriend again. I'm over her now because I didn't want to go down the same road again. I wanted to be friends with her, but I wanted to get a few things off my chest before doing so. When I told her I wanted to talk to her she simply said she didn't know if she wanted to hear it. I was annoyed that she didn't know especially since I had always been there for her. She might as well have said she didn't want to hear it. I just wanted to find out if it was just me in all the time we spent together. And also tell her why I was so serious before she left. I gave up my feelings so she could go and be happy with someone else. I felt she didn't appreciate it.

I don't see her anymore. I barely even text her. So I ask again, should I even bother being friends with her? Why? Why not?


Most Helpful Guy

  • timing!

    It's bothering you because she's probably a great person and don't want to lose her wether just a friend or as a girlfriend.

    Thing is you might have seen it right and maybe it wasn't just you, but telling her now ... she would tell you "NO it was nothing".

    You'll feel even more frustrated ("what do you mean, how about those times when we..., what was with those signs I got from you, the closeness" ). I know because I've been there. TIMING wasn't right in my case... neither was with you.

    She might know about how you feel since she told you she doesn't want to hear it. Probably that would have made it harder for her too. Decisions...

    You probably torture yourself trying to figure out if there was something better or diff you could have done to win her AND if there's something to do to fix things... I got that feeling.

    I lost her as a girlfriend for good because she said NO, then I lost her as a friend because there were things that she refused to discuss with me, to explain them a bit, to help me understand her.

    You might want to know what went on, but people lie, hide themselves, take wrong decisions... she'll probably say there's nothing to talk about... it would be easier for her.

    I felt even worse because I knew she was hiding something from me...BUT I had to respect her choice to not talk about it...

    In my case I truly believe that telling her how I felt only made it worse for me ... I thought it would make me feel better to confess, but the fact that she threw that away so easily was and still is a nightmare sometimes... Before and for about two months after I confessed I wanted to keep her as a friend because I thought that the right time will come, or she'll snap back to her senses and be together, but it was destroying me emotionally so I just let go completely...

    We are nothing to eachother right now.

    Take your time because you have plenty: she's with the other guy. Plus they are ON and OFF so she's probably stressed out anyway, messed up mentally...

    You'll only feel used and unappreciated by her.


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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • Don't be friends with her. You wanted more and she didn't want to give it to you. Also she chose her boyfriend who dumped her over you who were always there for her so she doesn't even deserve to be with you. Forget about her and find somebody else.

  • No I don't think so, it seems to me that if you do you will just develop feelings for her again, and you will get hurt. Its not worth it.

  • No you might develop feelings for her and get seriously hurt again it is not even worth it in the long run

  • No, she sounds totally selfish, if your instinct is to not have contact go with it.


What Guys Said 3

  • No, don't do it. There's a reasonable risk that you'd develop feelings for her again and get hurt again. Plus - you're going to look like a total pussy. This ain't gonna make it any better for your future.

  • I wouldn't, staying friends with her might lead to you developing feelings for her again. Just move on, it will be for the better.

  • You should not. Genuine altruism does not need to be acknowledged. Yet, you are still seeking closure in the matter, which indicates you are not over letting her go to be "happy with someone else" or your romantic feelings for her.

    The fact is, she is engaged to married. Seriously what are you hoping to accomplish by telling her how you felt and, in my opinion, still feel about her, or why you did what you did? Do you not realize that she may get the impression that you still have hopes of being with her by your need to "get that of your chest?" Do you really believe a platonic friendship could exist between you two shortly after?

    There are times when things are best left unsaid. This is one of those times, in my opinion.

    • You're right about the altruism part. I wanted to feel appreciated because I gave up my feelings for her.

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