What should I do to make it better again?

Please help.

My boyfriend and I loved each other. I still love him of course and I have ruined it... this Christmas holidays we spent a lot of time together, too much time I think and basically things went horrible.

When I was drunk and we had arguments I kept saying how I would go off with other boys and told him to f*** off and I will do what I want, and he forgave me at first but warned me never to say it again no matter what because it hurts him so much and he can't do with it.

Anyway me being stupid and alcohol, I said it again but this time I went too far and the next day he wouldn't even talk to me and then he said he can't do it anymore and he's confused about how he feels and doesn't know what to do.

It's been 4 days and we've only just started talking again, on and off though. But it's definitely not the same I can feel it and there are no kisses or I love you's or hearts and it just feels like friends no feelings or love...

Please tell me how to get it back, do I give him space for a week or two then message him saying I miss you or do I keep on talking as friends or stop talking all together unless he wants to..

Please no mean comments because I feel horrible enough and all I do is want him back I don't know what I will do without him. Please advice.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, it's going to take time. Part of the trust between you is broken and that means that it needs to be mended. You need to show him that you really won't do it again. Don't expect his forgiveness. Just show your appreciation for every chance he gives you. Give him small signs that you love him, but with a respectful distance (basically, try to show that you love him, but that you don't expect him to be all cute and cuddly after what's happened). Just be sweet and considerate, like wishing him a good night before he goes to bed every night and good morning after he wakes up, ask him how his day was, etc.

    Don't expect him to respond to your messages and don't try to make him. Your messages should be sent for his sake, not yours. If for example you ask him how he's doing it should be because you genuinely want to know, not because you want him to talk to you. It's up to him to decide whether he wants to tell you.

    He seems to have still given you a chance, so be grateful for that. If you're lucky you'll slowly get back to the way things were, but keep in mind that it takes a lot of time and patience.

    Also, try not to get drunk too often (or at all really). It's really not that good for you, and I'm not just talking about your health here.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Your going to have to make HIM feel loved again. Get him gifts, say "I love you" put in a lot of effort. Ask him to forgive you. That's the only way - you fucked up, you have to put in the work to fix it.

    • Thing is I've just gone to a different country for a few weeks now to study.. how do I do it online?

    • Loving messages and hope he hasn't given up on you. If it's a few weeks you probably still have a chance even if he gets a new girl.

  • Telling a guy that you would look for the other guys is something that you never ever do! You broke his trust in you and that will be very hard to repair. You need to let him think about the situation and let him decide if he wants to give you two another chance. Tell him that you will give him the space he needs and then leave him be - do not contact him. If he's still into the idea of the two of you he will get back to you. Good luck

  • You have to give him space. And apparently not drink until you can handle it without being a raving lunatic.


What Girls Said 1

  • Ah man I'm so sorry but I don't think there's much you can do unless you can do it in person/video chat. He said don't ever do it again, you did. If he forgives you what's to stop you doing it over and over again (from his perspective)? Nothing, it just encourages you to believe that you can say it over and over. You can't wait a few weeks it'll be too late. A phone call will not do it, you need to see each others faces or you won't have a chance of reading the situation. Since you're overseas I'd try a video chat. Basically tell him how sorry you are, that you recognise you crossed a line by saying it and by not respecting his wishes when he told you what you said was not OK. Beg for forgiveness, ask him to consider it at least while you're away a d you promise never to do it again. I think it's probably a 50/50 shot


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