Did I ruin what could have been?

I met this great guy at work, who I knew I was smitten with almost instantly, it was too easy to talk to him and we got along so great! After some time I expressed interest in dating again (it had be a few months since I broke up with someone I'd been with several years because I found out he was cheating the whole time)

We started off by hanging out at his place with his roommates and other common friends. Eventually he invited over to hang out just the two of us and he kissed me that night! I was so excited and happy, but that didn't last long as I got in my head and made a stupid comment about it being weird Because we worked together. It got awkward and I left soon after but we agreed to take it slow.

Over the next few months we would hang out same as before, he was true to his word and we took things slow, except there was a lot of making out =) Also over that time, I realized that I was afraid of being vulnerable.

I started backing off, shutting down, not talking to him like we used to or denying to hang out with his roommates. After a couple of months of "seeing" each other we had sex and it was Amazing, I mostly loved how he would caress my skin and cuddle me after. He'd even seem upset when I couldn't spend the night.

A few months after, I got transferred and we saw even less of each other after that. I admitted once to dating other people after he asked me something, he said something like 'well yeah we only see each other like every other week' He'd still invite me over a couple time a month, but we'd head straight to his room, we'd talk and hang out but it was a given why I was there. After some time of heading straight to his room, it didn't seem like he was cuddling or caressing me as he used to.

Its been about 2 1/2 years since all this started and I have been working on improving myself, being more social and building my self esteem on my own. It has been consistent with him in that he'll invite me over, we'll talk, make out, fuck, hang out. We always have a good time together. We went to a concert not too long ago, I even asked him out to a movie that we didn't end up seeing because of too much snow. I've been opening up and its getting back to how it used to be, he even played with my skin forever the other night. I've made little comments about us going out but whenever I say something about "us" he never really says anything, makes some sort of hmm noise and squeezes me(I'm usually in his embrace when I say stuff like that) I'm usually the one to try to make plans, he's never refused though.

I Really want to tell him that I'm completely in like with him but I also don't want to make a fool of myself if he doesn't feel the same. I'm still not ready to be in a "relationship" but I do know that I would love to be more with him. I'm 25 he's 24 he's the first guy that I actually liked first before he showed interest. he's kind of the guy of my dreams.

So is it even worth it? How would I even tell him? Am I just a booty call...?


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What Guys Said 1

  • It seems like you two are already on equal footing. To the extent that one of you is taking advantage of the other sexually, you both are. To the extent that you are willing to open up to him, he meets you there. If this works for you, what's the problem? If you want more, the burden is on you to allow it to happen because you keep in at arm's length. It strikes me as very odd that you would do that and yet call him the guy of your dreams.

    • There's quite a back story to the last relationship I was in, I'm just trying to protect myself I guess. Opening up had never been a strong suit for me to begin with... like I said though, I've been improving on myself and are ready to see what can happen if I let it.

    • I don't get the sense that he's holding back because of his past so much as because of your limits. If you want more, it falls on you to let him know somehow so he can respond. If he doesn't know he will assume you are still reacting to your misgivings.

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