Can I send a text or do I have to end this non-relationship in person?

A little over 3 years ago, a coworker at my previous job introduced me to her boyfriend. She and I were close at the time, talking all about life, both of our relationships, and spending all possible breaks together. We had made plans to double date but the plans kept falling through. Still we all four became friends on Facebook.

Fast forward two years (last spring), or relationships have both ended. I had ended mine, her boyfriend ended theirs. Still friends on Facebook, he and I began talking regularly. About our previous relationships, work, life, school. He's in a band and would send me their recordings to listen to also. We made plans to get together, butthey would fall through as previous plans always did and we were often in and out of different relationships ourselves. This past fall, we discussed both wanting serious relationships again.

About a month ago we finally got together for drinks and after he kissed me, we both confessed to having feelings for each other. One thing led to another that night and we had sex. afterward we continued talking on Facebook and texting like usual, then a few days later we got together for a movie and had sex again. Previously, none of our conversions mentioned anything sexual. Now the were definitely flirty but still largely the same. I met his roommates, he said they loved me. Things went on like that until he left to his home state for the holidays. Again we texted and talked on Facebook throughout each day, every day. Then at the end of the month he got back and his band and I ask went out for his birthday. We both drank a lot, however he was pretty sloppy, I was just pretty buzzed. So after having sex, he told me to stay the night so I wouldn't have to drive home.

After that night things have seemed different. I thought we were headed towards a relationship but now we barely text. I've never been the kinda girl to text too much, but if I ask a simple question like, "Hows your day?" After he asks me, he won't text me back until midnight, if at all. We don't talk on Facebook at all anymore. We saw each other once after his birthday for a movie, had sex that night, and he told me that since it was late I could just stay over. I did. We are still barely talking.

He has been super busy since he got back. He started recording both an EP and their first full length album with his band. But at the same time, those boys have girlfriends and they make it work. I don't understand how he can't have time to shoot me a text, or say he's busy but we'll talk later. It's a far cry from the guy that couldn't wait to get back because he missed me so much.

I believe sex between friends, or sex on a first date, can lead to a relationship. So until he got back in town, I didn't even considered that we weren't going in that direction. But now considering the vast change in his communication to me, I'm assuming that my longtime friend and crush now sees me as only a buddy for sex.

Now I just want to end it with dignity.
As we have been friends so long, the conversation just came naturally, but it was through texts. He said with his band "taking off" he doesn't want a relationship, which I more than respect as I do. No point in us continuing on as we have been when we want different things because I am looking for something much more serious. We are remaining friends though and this hasn't luckily made things weird for either of us.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I would guess that he doesn't view this as a non-relationship. I personally don't like the idea of ending a relationship by text. It's far too impersonal and it doesn't give the other person a chance to react or address what comes up. So I think you should do so by phone or in person. He may well be shocked to learn how you feel and ask for another chance to do better.

    • I'm glad it all worked out for you. Good luck in finding that serious relationship. Thanks for the BA!

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What Girls Said 1

  • End what? all he wanted you it seems to be is SEX.Get a friend guy to hang out with and once he realize that you have another male companion he would become jealous since you would not give him the time of day.Like the old people say "a guy does not realize they have something good until its gone."


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