I'd like to hear viewpoints on cheating from older unmarried people?

So, If I was married I would believe that cheating was something that shouldn't be done. If you are going to make that commitment then why cheat.

However, As a 27 year old woman searching the world for a man to marry and love forever I don't understand why I would tie myself down to one man who hasn't put a ring on my finger. All he could be doing is wasting my time. What if I waste my child bearing years on a man that never marries me.. It's not that I want to cheat but don't you think I should continue to do whatever I want until marriage?

Example.. I'm dating a man now and we told each other that we wouldn't hook up with anyone else. We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet but last night I hooked up with someone else. We didn't have sex but we made out in my bed, he took my shirt off, and we dry humped.. , Feels so high schoolish but I didn't want to have sex because I made that commitment to the other guy.

My thing is.. why shouldn't I go ahead and have sex with him if that's what I want to do. The other guy I'm dating isn't even my boyfriend...

At different ages I've felt completely different about things. Like, when I was younger I wouldn't have ever cheated on my boyfriend and I would expect the same from him. But now I don't know.. Why commit to one person and risk lost time ?



Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you need to sort out your feelings here:

    Do you even like this first guy or are you just trying to stick it out because he's the first one who wanted to be exclusive?

    Also, are you upset that he doesn't want to be your "official boyfriend" or something -- you sound upset or disappointed. "It's not that I want to cheat" you say, but then you deliberately break your agreement with him. It's confusing what is driving your actions here.

    Also, why does having sex have to be part of the early stages of dating? You can date more than one person without having sex with any of them.

    Also #3 ... if you think it's hard to keep a commitment when you have the hope of a relationship, consider it good practice for when you're in one and you're feeling upset, neglected, disconnected, etc ... and someone is around who wants to hook up. There will be times you have to use a lot of self control and dignity.

    • Well this is why I didn't go through with having sex with the guy. I'm not upset that the other guy and I are not bf/gf.. we are just getting to know each other and have already begun having sex. We agreed not to have sex with anyone else.. does that mean no kissing anyone else too? Eventually I probably do want to be serious with the guy I'm mainly seeing now but it's too early to know how serious this will be.

    • Show All
    • Well I'm glad someone agrees with me that dating at this age isn't fun. I'm just fearful of wasting more of my time. I dated a man for over a year and he wouldn't make a commitment to me yet I was faithful from day one. Keeping all my cookies in one jar hurt me in the end. Being single yourself I think you may be able to understand what I mean... but I do agree with you. My goal is to be married so I should put 100% effort into one thing and stick with it. Just scared is all.

    • I've never enjoyed dating, haha...so I don't feel that "this age" is that different. If you want to throw out more feelers, don't agree to be exclusive with anyone. And don't have sex with anyone. Make sure you like the guy, not that you're just looking for a puzzle piece.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You may not consider it cheating but you're already betraying his trust by lying to him which already makes you far from being any sort of commitment material. You're wasting his time!

    But now you want to sleep with a guy you're playing blueball games with and complaining that you can't find any marriage oriented men. Girls like you are the exact types of girls that make men not want to marry anyone because you'd be the one cheating on him when he did get married by the looks for it.

    • Am Iying though? He and I didn't say we were in a relationship. We only agreed that we wouldn't have sex with anyone else and I haven't done that. He knows that during this time we are both still seeing other people.

    • "We told each other that we wouldn't hook up with anyone else."

      then the VERY next sentence!

      "We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet but last night I hooked up with someone else."

      You're trying to justify something you know you did wrong. So if got married would you be OK with your partner going out and making out with other women just because his penis never went inside? Seriously?

    • no I wouldn't be okay with that.. You are right but I think you're missing my point. However, I didn't come here to debate anyone. I came to get other viewpoints and I appreciate yours. Thank you. I agree with you and this won't be happening again. If I want to even kiss someone else then I will tell him that.

What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds as though you are not ready for any kind of commitment, sweetie, so who are you fooling, just yourself? You told this guy, who isn't even a boyfriend, that you are hooked with him, but yet, you have another Joe in your bed? When I was going to school, it WAS "boyfriend and girlfriend", unless today they are calling this "friends with benefits" or "my exclusive lover" ...Dry or wet, you cheated, and that is what you did, like the truth or not. With all the feelings you are telling me here, you need to tell "honey bunny" that you want to play the field, that you do not want any strings attached. It's only fair to him, it's fair to you, and to future guys.The way I see it, don't "commit to one person and waste your time and his"...

    • We are in the getting to know each other stage and since we are having sex we agreed not to do it with anyone else.. this is mostly for safety reasons. I am ready for commitment. I want marriage and can be faithful. However, If he and I do not work out I may be missing out on other opportunities.. don't you think? I don't think I cheated ..yet... This is why I didn't have sex with the other guy. I couldn't break that promise I already made.