Been together for 3 years but why won't my boyfriend tell me he loves me?

We've been together about 3 years now and we both have kids ofnour own and we live together. Well, just recently I told him I loved him. He didn't respond back tho just like stared at me. I was like okay. He then says "I wouldn't tell you if I did anyway" I didn't say anything back tho Because I felt stupid. Few weeks later I txt him and asked if he loved me and he responded back with "I don't feel comfortable answering that. I definitely care about you a lot. Don't wanna be without you." ... What the heck am I to make of that? Either youn love someone or you don't and if ya don't why the heck would you waste YEARS with them? I'm so confused and he won't talk about this kind of stuff. . In his words. " feelings are overrated"

Updates:
I don't know if it makes a difference but his last relationship ended after almost 10 years on very bad terms in which his ex kept everything he owned, and kept his son from him for 3 years... also Italked to him about this situation. I bluntly asked if I was wasting my time and he said no and I was the sweetest girlfriend he's ever had and he wants me to be happy and he wants to be with me and he apologized he dodoesn't express how he feels in words like I want but he tries to show them.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sis, if that's you in the picture You're so pretty! Seriously and a mom too, he's so gonna regret you stepping outta his life but you've gotta step away from him. At least Until he can say the things your heart deserves or perhaps for ever. I am so sorry for the pain and sadness you might feel during this. It won't vanish quickly but it will ease. It's worse to remain in the relationship wondering when he'll say it or what you need to "fix" or "change" about yourself that will make him want to say it. If he can't say I love you after 3 years will you have to wait another 3 years for him to offer marriage? How old will your children be then? Are they growing up thinking his behavior is normal? Don't you tell them that you love them? They are watching and they probably wonder why he's not telling you he loves you if he's supposed to care & you all live together. Think about the message you send your children too. I know what it feels like to want a relationship to work despite ..The obvious. I pray your heart heals quickly & you find joy soon and a love you don't even have to ask for or wonder about. Now go get a hobby :)

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    • Yes that's really me in the picture. Thank you for the compliment.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Sounds like he doesn't, I mean he avoided saying it altogether... Plus the way he words 'I wouldn't tell you if I did anyway', essentially states that he doesn't. Basically he's saying he isn't in love with you, but he wouldn't tell you if he was if he was in love with you. I don't know what you're supposed to make of it, either he has strong feelings and hasn't reached that stage (although three years in? that's a bit long) or he's lying about something.

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  • hes avoiding answering it so in my head is that he is cheating. and or just being a place holder and just waiting for someone better to come along. :(

    Sorry, and good luck

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    • Lol I disagree with this advice

    • It's not advice and it is probably correct.

    • the EXACT (not as long of a relationship) same thing happend with me with one of my girlfriends before, she ended up cheating with me. so yeahhhhhh

  • One time when Lois told Peter she loves him, he replied "oh, about a half past 5". Sometimes, it's awkward to hear, so we change the subject to avoid it

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  • He doesn't and either he has been cheating or his circumstances in life have prevented him from doing so. He is a low person for how he really feels about you considering he lives with you for so long and has kids with you.

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What Girls Said 14

  • It seems really odd.. specially after being together for so long.

    I can't know for sure the way your relationship works, but here's some food for thought in form of human psychology: people value things most when they're about to lose them. Don't let him take you for granted. Don't be always available for him. He'll either miss you and clear his feelings for you or he won't do a thing and you'll know what that means.

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  • He doesn't love you. If he did, there wouldn't be any justification. I am sorry but this is not a good predicament. You can settle and be a sitting duck until he has had enough or meets someone that rekindles sparks. (happens all the time) The other option would be to be true to your self. Which means put you and your family first. Do the right thing for you.

    No easy choice wither way. But one can lead to self empowerment in the long run.

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  • I'd so move on to someone else before wasting more time on someone that's clearly not worth my time. I know it's easier said than done, but he truly seems careless... and in the long run you're doing yourself a favor, and maybe if he truly does love you, once you're gone it'll hit him, and if it doesn't, then he never actually had strong feelings for you to begin with, so you're better off taking your chances with someone new...

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  • 1) he's using you till he finds someone better or to get over someone

    2) doesn't love you, but is with you for the kids or money

    3) cheating on you

    4) doesn't know how to break up with you

    5) doesn't love you anymore

    That's all I can think of

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    • But I'm sorry, for whatever is. You should sit down with him, if he doesn't love you then leave. Don't be anyones second choice or someone he "settles" for

  • He either has some serious commitment issues or he doesn't love you. Either way, it's not someone you want to be around. So you're right to be suspicious of him. Don't stick around for him, he's not worth it.

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    • I agree with you that she should step away at least until he can give her more trust. Yes he has some past hurt & pain but she's been there for him for 3 years. She's got to decide if she'll stay and continue to wait or move on. I think he'll say it if she tells him she's leaving because it'll finally dawn on him how much she really means.

  • Sounds like he likes you. He's attracted to you. And that's it. He might Still be in love with an ex and can't have them. But can and does have you. And he'd rather do that than be alone.

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  • That's messed up. What's up with him?

    Sorry I don't have a better answer for you. He sounds like something else.

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  • That seems like a VERY long time...yes, I think that actions can speak louder than words and he can show that he loves you...but if he did I don't understand why it would be difficult for him to say it...I don't think its fair to you that he isn't giving a straight answer...maybe confront him again and ask why he didn't say it...I don't know if this is a guy thing...aybe some guys are not comfortable saying it...my Boyfriend said it to me after 3 and a half months of us dating...and I thought that was a long time...

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  • then back off, focus to your self instead of focus him. time to move on...

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  • maybe he had a trauma and he associates that phrase with it

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    • I stand firm with my answer. I also do not tell boyfriends that I love them even when they say it to me.

  • I assume he does love you but clearly isn't able to say it through words. Does he treat you good?

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  • Wow, three years and he's never told you he loves you!? That's a first...and I don't think that's a good thing.

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  • Oh damn girl : ( If that's his reaction after 3 years with you, he's a lost cause. I have to agree with the other anon. girl : / I haven't heard of a "placeholder" girlfriend until now, but that sounds like what it is

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    • @update: I take back what I first said. It sounds like he's just REALLY damaged from his last relationship.

  • **HARSH TRUTH**

    It sounds like you are the "placeholder gf". A placeholder is someone that you are in a relationship with, you're not really that into them as much as you should be, but you're biding your time with them until you can get the person you really want.

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