Second chance or once a cheater always a cheater?

I have dated this guy on and off for over a year now. This is our 2nd run of it. It orignally started as a friends with benefits type deal and HE, not I, escalated it by telling me he loved me Christmas day. He cheated on me with his ex (mother of his child, the reason why it didnt' work out the first time). He justifies his cheating that he was trying to keep her happy as she used their son they have together against him. She isn't a good mother. He is trying to get full custody of his son right now. My question is, is it worth giving him a 2nd shot? He tells me how much he loves me. He also understands the severity of what he did was wrong and how it'll take time for me to get over it. But it'll always be there. He talks of moving in together and marriage. I'm not sure what to think or say about him. I care a great great deal for him. I would love to marry him. But the fact of the matter is he betrayed me. ruined the trust I had for him. I am not sure if I can go through with any of it as long as that ex of his is still around.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have just answered one of your own questions already, sweetie: "He betrayed me, ruined the trust I had for him.." That IN ITSELF is a good reason to NEVER trust him again...Allow me to enlighten you with the rest...He obviously has a pattern and track record of this, as you have found out, and on top of THIS, he sounds as though he is mixed up and confused, between you and his ex, and "baggage" to boot? I don't doubt that he does have feelings for you, however, if he is telling you he "was trying to keep mommy happy by rolling around in the hay with her", how do you really know he is serious about moving in with you and marrying you? He is probably trying to "keep you pacified too." He sounds as though he "wants his cake and eat it too." I am seeing nothing but headaches and heartaches for you with this guy in the future. Things are only going to get more complicated and worse as time goes on, believe me. You will constantly always be the "monkey in the middle", to sort of speak. And you may as well accept the fact that SHE is NOT going anywhere either, except to court with him for custody issues. I AM SURE I would not want to go through any of that. PERIOD. You deserve better than this. Move on and find some normalcy in your life, and let Frick and Frack continue their Peyton Place life---without you as the "porch monkey."

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What Guys Said 3

  • A cheater is not always a cheater, but will cheat again unless there's been a real change.

    His story of 'he tried to keep her happy as they used the son' seems ... odd.

    Do you believe him? What would he do in a similar situation now? What makes you, and he, believe that's the case?

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  • Nope, he's an asshole.

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  • "Second chance or once a cheater always a cheater?"

    As a guy, my answer to that question is the second part: a cheater is always a cheater

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What Girls Said 3

  • A cheater is not necessarily always a cheater but there are enough red flags in this situation to say the odds are good. His story seems a bit fishy too. I wouldn't take the chance if it was me.

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  • I say give it time. The excuse for him cheating is a very poor excuse, there should be no excuse for cheating anyways. Me personally, once a cheater always a cheater I can't give second chances, I don't have the time or patients for it. But you seem to really love this guy so just take your time, he has to do things on your terms now. If he really loves you then he will do any and everything to gain back your trust.

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  • I can only tell from my personal experience that once a cheater always a cheater! I dated a guy who cheated on me and had a relationship with this girl for about a month and I found out much later. This girl was heartbroken since he just used her and she approached me and told me everything. I dumped him immediately. He was so upset. I would get calls from him family asking me to forgive him. This went on for months I would get calls from his friends everyday that he is suicidal and they promised he has changed.

    I forgave him and around 6 months later he dumped me for no reason when things were perfectly fine. I later found out he met a more attractive girl who lived closer to his home. A cheater can never change. They always beg for forgiveness because of their guilty conscience not because he loves you.

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