Is going out with someone else cheating if we've only hung out once and haven't talked about dating yet?

I met a guy I really like a little while ago. We live in different states, so we didn't get a lot of time to actually hang out after initially meeting. We've gotten to know each other mostly over the phone and through text, although I did go visit him for a weekend once since we met. The weekend went really well, we were intimate for the first time, and we talked about wanting to see each other again. Unfortunately, he's just been deployed for 6 months, so we aren't going to get a chance to see each other soon. We talked and text up until he left, and I got one email from him since he's been over there, but he said that most of the time they don't get a good internet connection. I'm still hoping to keep in contact with him as much as possible.

At the same time though, there is a guy from home town that I dated this past summer before I met this new guy. My ex/friend (it didn't end badly) recently got in touch with me and wants to take me out. I know we would probably end up having a good time and most likely sleeping together because of our history. We broke up because ex is not looking for a serious relationship right now.

Is it okay for me to go out with my ex again even if it's just to hang out once? I really like this new guy, and I think he likes me, so I don't want to jeopardize anything we might have in the future, but at the same time, we haven't said we are dating yet, and who knows what will happen when he gets home. I am somewhat of a goody-two-shoes and really only ever dated one guy at a time, so I've never faced this kind of thing before. What do you think?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well it's definitely not cheating since you aren't in a relationship. As for whether it's "right or wrong" I don't think you're doing anything wrong by hooking up with your ex if you choose. If the new guy had really been ready to commit, he would've done it before he left. You really have no idea if you'll talk to him much at all, or where things will be in 6 months. There are no guarantees now that he's left and kept your relationship in limbo. Since you're not keeping in frequent contact, I don't feel it's all that serious.

    My only hangup would be if you were simultaneously sleeping with both of them at the same time, but since new guy is gone for half a year, you won't be.

    • Normally I would agree with you about it not seeming serious because we are not keeping in frequent contact. Except I think the reason we are not keeping in frequent contact is because he can't. 1. He's Special Forces and frequently does long missions that I can't know about. 2. He did try and contact me, a few days after leaving and I didn't get the email. He even asked me if I got the last message he sent because he was afraid it didn't go through.

    • I also know he thinks his career makes it hard for him to be a good boyfriend and he doesn't want to limit me. Which could be why he didn't commit to anything before he left. But I also don't know him well enough to know that. I know I'd like to get to know him and his career/being gone a lot doesn't bother me. Or at least, I am willing to cope with that.

    • Well I'm not saying that he doesn't WANT it to be serious, or that it couldn't be more serious with time, I'm just saying that right now in this particular moment, it's not that serious. And if you're unable to talk to him much, and you also don't know if it's serious, I see no reason to restrain yourself with other men.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Did you discuss anything about relationship before he left? I don't think it's cheating since you never established exclusivity...but I do think you need to let him know that you are seeing other people so he can decide whether he wants to be involved with you under those circumstances.

  • Absolutely not! A date does not equal an exclusive relationship.

    • A date definitely does not...but it was a date when we first met and then 3 days and 2 nights together.

    • Got it! I didn't read much beyond the initial question!

      I still think you're okay, though I understand the question. I think exclusivity has to be discussed and cannot be assumed. Having said that, it's quite possible the new guy would be disappointed if he knew you were seeing other guys. But until exclusivity has been discussed, I think you're okay.

What Girls Said 2

  • Step one- contact the guy overseas and ask if you two are official, or if he wants to be official.

    Step two- if yes let your ex know there will be no sexual anything going on if you hang out

    Step three- control the situation. If he makes moves shoot him down, if he tries anything say no and be firm about it, if he doesn't stop just leave.

  • Did you guys discuss a relationship and commitment before her left? If not then its not cheating because you aren't in a relationship. However, you need to think about how you seeing your ex will make you feel especially if you guys do become intimate. Is it a good idea? Are you going to be confused and have mixed feelings after? I think that there's a big chance that you may get feelings for your ex who already said he didn't want a relationship. Personally I think you seeing your ex is a bad idea.


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