We've been dating for 2 years and a half and during that time, the first 6 months were bliss. We met at Graduate school of arts and would love hanging out all the time. Then he suggested we move in together because he lived far away from school and me and so we did. I lived in the city and it was close to everything and everyone new he had met, but also it meant at the same time he was moving away from his home which was where his family and old friends were.
He didn't seem to mind as I was the centre of his happiness. Our days were filled with eating out, watching movies cuddled together and working on our computers in different rooms and hugging each other during the day for a few minutes then getting back to our work so that we could finish by 5pm and hang out and eat dinner and watch a movie together before bed. Then we started to have small fights were I would get really annoyed at him. Truth be told I was quite horrible sometimes but it would be only for a few minutes where I would get so mad and then it would go. The more this happened, the more he would get hurt. I took the time to see myself for what I was and decided to change. I no longer raised my voice, would use any swear words and I tried to let go of expectations. We started having major issue like this 8-9 months into the relationship. From then until now, we would break up for a day and then get back together because we missed ignoring each other all day at home. I think he decided to give us about 10 chances but he wouldt actually do anything different to stop the fights, he just wanted the fights to completely not happen and for me to let every tiny thing go (which sometimes I did not think were tiny) but now, he has had enough and is leaving for good. He says he's just not happy anymore and for the first time yesterday when I asked him how he felt for me, he said he loved me but he will never feel the same way he felt when he first met me. I hate that he seems so absolute and has started to look for places. I'm devastated because we are so good together like we both have the same humour and laugh at the same jokes and we both enjoy the same lifestyle (quiet nights in, occasional big nights out, family get togethers, catching up with our friends separately or together), we are best friends and tell each other everything, people say we are a lovely couple from what they see, I am very loving to him and less independent since I met him, but he's done fighting for us he says. He doesn't appear to be sad or clinging on to our relationship like I am. I don't want him to go but at the same time if he stayed I know we would end up fighting again, i.e I will get slightly annoyed and/or constantly ask him why he did what he did and that it wasn't nice etc which he hates. I have already booked therapy that addresses my destructive habits and issues so I can change, but he doesn't care:( Help me, I don't want to lose him! He said he wished it had would work but nothings going to change his mind
Most Helpful Guy
The desire to stay together is normal, and the pain of breaking up is normal. You have developed a bond with him and, even though the relationship has hit its bumpy spots, you haven't had enough bad in it to break that bond. All of this is completely normal. Of course, even knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less and you have my empathy.
The thing is, a solid relationship is really built on a lot of factors. Some are under your control and some are under his. And no matter how much you may want something, if it's out of your control (e.g. his views on the relationship), there's really nothing you can do. All you can do is admit your own faults and work to improve them. Hopefully, he can admit his, but even if he doesn't, it's not a competition. It's about looking at your own life and seeing what you can do to improve.
As for him, it's hard to say for sure since we are just getting a single glimpse from a single side. But it may just be that he's one of those people that makes up his mind and is solid on it. There are lots of different personality types and some are just that way. When they are paired up with someone who isn't, each one can seem foreign and incomprehensible to the other.
Right now, I'd just give it time and try to improve yourself. Be respectful of one another, even if it doesn't work out. And if it doesn't, be happy that you had some great times together and realize that not every relationship is destined to last forever. It took me a long time to realize that myself. I wish you a faster education.0