Should I dump my boyfriend or hang on and hope he'll change?

I have a pretty great boyfriend: contacts me everyday, invites me to hang out with his friends/family, leaves weekends open for me and takes me out to eat at times. However, when we have fights, he's quick to break-up with me when things get too heated up, makes perverted comments of good-looking girls on screen when we watch movies and checks out girls in front of me. I've told him that I don't like those comments he makes and when he checks out girls in front of me, but he keeps on claiming he doesn't (when it looks so clear that he does). I think it's disrespectful. Don't know what to do if I should stay with him or break up. We've also been on and off for the last year and he's never said I love you to me. Wondering if maybe he's just waiting to see if things get better between us? Not sure. Thanks.


Most Helpful Guy

  • he's quick to break-up:

    the conversation with him should basically be that he can't use that as a tactic in an argument. It simply isn't fair or productive and if he is so quick to break up at an argument then the long term prognosis is not good

    makes comments about girls on tv:

    I'd be interested in some examples of comments...but it is bad form for a guy to make comments about girls in general when in a relationship and particularly if the partner has asked that they not do it. It's just poor form and a sign that he either doesn't really think about things you request or simply doesn't know how to filter his thoughts... either way a bad thing

    checking out girls:

    most guys do it but most guys are good about taking a glance and then moving on. Now I'm not sure if you are just overly sensitive or he is more of an ogler but it seems like regardless this another example of him not being particularly thoughtful or just not giving a d*mn.

    my feeling is that if after a year of off/on status, conversations about what you would like to see happen and repetitive behavior that you need to ask yourself...

    'is the relationship headed in a positive direction?'

    if it's not then you have to make a decision about whether or not the issues you have can be addressed and fixed and or if you can live with the status quo


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What Guys Said 4

  • That's a question you have to answer, not me. Assuming you've talked to him about your issues, has he worked on modifying his behavior for you?

    • In general, yes. He doesn't easily get irritated with mundane everyday things with me. We don't fight as much either (we use to fight every week or two, now it's once every month or two). I think that's one of the reasons why I still hold on. I keep thinking that if he changed this part of his relation to me, then maybe in other areas he might do the same.

    • good luck, I guess you have to set those boundaries in your head. I know not every relationship is perfect, but the breaking up after every fight seems very immature.

    • You're right. Yea, I got to set firm boundaries and keep an eye out for improvements. And thank you!

  • Life is a progressive thing, it is not idle. Things progress to larger things. This behavior will continue to get worse until he wants it to change. He does sound immature, like a kid on a playground,"Well, I'll just take my toys and go home."

    Honestly, the ogling bugs me on another level. A wander eye, as it used to be called, is an indicator of another problem. If he does it and thinks that he is truly getting away with it then it will progress to cheating and/or asking to have another woman in the bed with you. If he is doing only deliberately in front of you then it is just a power play and he is an insecure child.

  • Regarding the checking out girls thing, it's pretty natural, unless he tries to approach them. It's just in people to check other people out.

    Regarding the perverted comments about good-looking girls on screen, it's immature, but I understand you can feel insulted.

    The frequent break-ups and the perverted comments sound to me like a power play. Are you going to "submit" finally ? I think he deals with a lot of insecurities.

    Regarding the "I love you" part, for how long have you been together ?

    Anyway, try to have a conversation without break-up and develop these points with him. Make him talk, instead of talking. You'll see better, hopefully.

  • So you are in your 30's?


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