What we have is really complicated, because I don't want to be put in the friend-zone, cause I feel like we can't be friends due to the way that we both feel about each other. I know that I really like him, and that I would like to go out with him, but I've got minor bipolar (my mood's always changing, and I sometimes take it out on him). It's really frustrating cause I'm getting help, but everytime I have one of my episodes he does get a bit freaked out. I really don't want to loose him, but I haven't been in a proper relationship before. He doesn’t know that I have this condition, as well as other stuff, because I don’t want to scare him off, but he knows that I’m going through a lot right now.
I’m a bit paranoid, cause I'm scared that we might actually get together but the idea of a breakup or loosing him, is something that freaks me out, and only makes my episodes even worse. (This has also been a problem in the past).
We talk everyday and Skype quite often (he lives quite far and with studies – Alevels, it’s a main priority so we don’t usually have enough time to meet up cause we’re studying), but I feel that he’s really hot and cold with me. E.g. one minute we’d be talking and the next he’d say something that would hurt my feelings (unintentionally) or that would just make the whole convo go dead (something one worded). It really bothers me, cause I really like talking to him (and he feels the same), but I don’t want to seem like I'm in his face all the time, by asking if somethings bothering him- cause he usually sends one word replies when he’s upset.
Also we’re not officially going out, but he tells me that other girls have asked him out, but he’s rejected them because of me. A lot of his friends all think that we’re going out, because we are quite physical together (like we’d always hold hands and do stuff that couples would do (we’d always try to not make it bait, but his best mates know that we like each other so he’d always want some form of contact when we’re together) –we haven’t kissed yet). It really annoys me though because he finds all the rumours and the fact that people think that we’re together really funny, and that he does want to find out what we are.
I know that I don’t want to loose him, and I know that I really like him, but what should I do? He knows how I feel, and that I would like us to be together but because of studies and what I'm going through, its gonna be a bit hard. He keeps saying that he wants to be together, but that there’s something holding him back. Should we wait till studies are over? Should I just back out before I get hurt? What should I do? Thanks x
P.S. I also feel as though we aren't as close as we used to be.