Parents try to control relationships and life but I'm 22

I'm a 22 year old female commuting to college. I still have a year and a half of school left and have been thinking of moving out. Any time I mention moving out though they freak out, especially my mom. I tell her it's just something in me that I want since I am 22 and want to see the world. Now I know everyone says, it's not as easy as it looks...but I understand that. Here's the thing, my boyfriend wants me to move in with him. I would have to transfer colleges to do this. I'm not sure If I want to move in with him yet or not, I might just wait a little more. However, I think my mom is scared that I will move in with him. So she told my dad and when he came home from work they went on about how I have my priorities wrong, that I shouldn't even have a boyfriend while I'm in college. They said my first goal should be college and I understand that. That's why I'm waiting to see if I want to move in with him and transfer colleges. I'm also waiting to know him just a little better. The thing is is that I'm scared that once I do decide to move, transfer colleges, or make any other independent decision that they will convince me to change my mind. They have done this in the past and actually convinced me to break up with an old boyfriend and to live at home instead of going off to college like I wanted. That was 3/4 years ago. Should I continue to let my parents influence me or try to break away a little? I know they love and care for me but I think they are scared to let go of their first born.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop letting them influence you. I think your assessment of their fear of letting go is spot on. You can have discussions with them about your decisions and ask for their input, but you sound a lot more reasonable than they do, so don't let them get to you too much. Don't buy too much into the whole "you shouldn't have a boyfriend while you're in college"-thing. It's bull. Saying you can't prioritize your studies while you're in a relationship is like saying you can't prioritize your job while you're in a relationship, which would mean that your parents shouldn't be together right now. They're just scared, and they're using standard arguments to hide from their fears.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I think your parents are right. You should finish school first. Once you've completed that then I think it's reasonable for you to consider moving out. But ignore them as far as boyfriend go; I'd be worried if you didn't have one at 22.

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  • Honestly, as long as you live with them they will always have "control" in some form over your life, and they should.

    Move out, let your mom have her fit (she'll get passed it) and then you can do as you wish.

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  • Your parents have points to consider. Don't transfer, speaking from experience, the college will lie to you and tell you all or most of your credits will transfer and then when you get there they suddenly didn't understand which classes you had meant and not as many as they told you will transfer so now you have to take more classes from them and, of course, pay them more money. And, as I have also experienced, when you are finally on that new campus with your Boyfriend the desire, flame, emotion or whatever dies and suddenly you are doubting what you did and he starts talking about not smothering and/or needing space, etc. This drama has happened many times, but at least your parents want what is good for you future career. I'm sure you have learned from past decisions and know how to think for yourself. Oh, remember that once you move out of your parents house going back never feels the same again.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I moved out at 21. Once you are out, STAY OUT. It's the only way you will earn your parents respect. However. Moving in with the boyfriend as your first place on your own is a "no, no". When you are ready to move out , in needs to be your own place. I say this because if you don't know how to be on your own, then what's Gina happen when you break up and really need a place? You will end up running back home, because you don't know how to live by yourself . And then, your parents will have won.

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