My ex wants to be friends but only until I move on...

He says he doesn't know what he wants, he knows he wants me in his life, and he thinks he just wants to be my friend. I asked him if he could handle not flirting and kissing, etc. and what he would do when I move on and find someone else. He said he'd quit talking to me. If he wants me in his life, why is he going to kick me out of it when I move on? It's like "I want you in my life but only if you never get over me" Help! And please don't just tell me to move on because I deserve better. I already know that!

Updates:
It might help to know that when we've tried to be friends in the past, there have been "benefits". I saw some people think he doesn't want the sex but he definitely wants that to be included in our "friendship" haha

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He says he doesn't know what he wants, he knows he wants me in his life, and he THINKS he just wants to be my friend"

    You are a convenience. He wants you in his life...But doesn't. He wants you there when he wants. He wants to have you around to have fun with (not sex). But still have the ability to test the waters with others. Then if that doesn't work...Guess who he turns to?

    He is using you. And as long as you're available he will continue to use you. Once you find another relationship, you're no longer available at his every whim. So bye bye.

    If he doesn't know how he wants you in his life right now he needs to shit or get off the pot. Grow up and make a decision. Either you're friends, lovers or nothing. A decision has to be made.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

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What Guys Said 1

  • He wants to be a friend until you smash someone else...that isn't a friend...that is a possessive ex. He is still in love. He also sounds whiny.

    I said this before because it is awesome: Chin up woman, if two gay German lion tamers can find each other, you can find someone new too.

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    • If he's still in love, why wouldn't he just be with me?

    • When men just can't seem to grow up, they tend to see if everything can be put on hold so they can see if plan B is out there. Point blank...most men are a little slow in that dept. nothing says "I'd you don't act now, I WILL move on" like eyeing a guy in front of him.

What Girls Said 3

  • Okay, I won't say this to you, sweetie, but what I will say and it holds true is:"He wants his cake and eat it too" with you. That means if you go out and start flirting and kissing, he won't speak to you again. So if he doesn't want you, no one else can either, kinda deal. And of course, it would be okay for him to do some of his own "bumping and humping" in the meantime, because after all, "he doesn't know what he wants, and only wants friends..with no benefits?" Welcome to the real world of sporadic, unpredictable, pay-no-mind, noncommittal, only friends--and or with benefits, kind of guys. And later many of them turn into nothing but major jerks. With this in mind, doesn't it want to make you---move on? I know you know this...

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  • Does he has a girlfriend now ?, He sounds like he has.

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    • No we've been doing the whole having a relationship without the title thing. He has no interest in being with anyone else.

  • Hey, be in my life as long as it's convenient for me. As soon as you do something that I don't like, I'm kicking you out though . . I don't think so! That is NOT what a friend does. A friend supports you no matter what, whether they like the decisions you make or not! Very difficult for exes to have true friendships, especially when the breakup is recent. It's time to remove him from your life.

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