Should I drive to find my ex and apologise in person? Or is it a bad move?

Basically had my first boyfriend last year. We were really intense, it was like we had known each other forever. Then for some reason thing started to switch off. He started insulting me and putting me down all the time. He didn't seem to want me around as much and I felt his ex-girlfriend was in the picture a little too much. I asked him about our future, he kept avoiding the subject, until it culminated in a big crying session with him saying he didn't know what to do. He said he loved me still. I couldn't handle being with someone so unsure so I ended it.

He said he was devastated and missed me so much and begged me to stay friends. So I agreed because I loved and missed him too. 4 weeks later he got a new girlfriend. Was like a knife in my heart. I deleted him on Facebook. I text him a friendly text a month later and he ignored me. FYI he still talks to all his ex girlfriends except me. Even the one that cheated on him.

Thing is...I broke up with him over email and never saw him again. The guilt for the way I ended it haunts me still and its been six months. I've written countless draft emails to apologise to him for it. But now I am considering actually driving to his hometown an hour a way, going into his church where he plays in the band to find him and apologise in person. I feel as a Christian I should apologise to him.

Now am I being really stupid or will he think it gutsy of me to do this? Or just a bit creepy.

He is still with his new girlfriend and from what I've heard is happy.
Updates:
Thank you for your help and advice everyone. I realize after writing this, it sounds pretty ridiculous and I won't be acting on it. Sometimes emotions gets the better of you. Wish you all well :)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You are not missing much. I honestly wouldn't spend gas money on him when clearly he wants nothing to do with me. Apologizing will not generate the intended effect and it will make you look extremely pathetic. He will be phewing his head off once you make this huge embarrassing spectacle apologizing for something that you really have no reason to apologize. Things didn't work out period. He wasn't interested in more serious period. Stop feeling guilty period.

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What Guys Said 3

  • A phone call or a letter is good enough.

    Sometimes it can create problems if you show up in person, and his girlfriend is the one to answer the door.

    Im pretty sure a priest will tell you this, but in different wording "Sometimes the right intentions, can cause the wrong actions"

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  • It depends, do you want to apologize to make you or him feel better? Driving to him to say "sorry" might blow up in your face. It makes you sound kinda erratic to be honest. You cut him out of your life and all of a sudden, half a year later you're stalking him to apologize?

    If you absolutely must do this maybe wait for a better time.

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  • I think it depends on you. If you truly want nothing else but apologise you can go for if. If there is something else, like you still want to be with him you should rather go for the letter or write the e-mail.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Do you really feel you need to apologize or are you really just wanting to see him again? Either way I think it is a bad idea. The fact that he's ignored you and moved on so quickly is not a good sign he's the type of a guy that deserves this apology. Besides what you did is not that bad, plenty of people have done it before, and obviously the isn't dwelling on it too much.

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    • Yeah you're right, think I'm just missing a relationship, not particularly him. Thanks :)

  • I feel like your jealous if your willing to drive an hour away to apologize. It's been 6 months, he has a new girlfriend, you didn't scar him for life.

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  • I would say that going to him to apologize is something that you need to do to lift off your chest and will make you happy knowing that you at least apologized, but I think deep down you are going to apologize hoping that he will come back to you, which I don't think from the circumstances will happen. If all you feel is that you just want to apologize then I would say to just forget it because if you really love him then let him be happy with his new girlfriend because then its just a selfish act on your part having the need to apologize.

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