Should I put more effort into holding onto a relationship?

Once, a long time ago, I tried very hard to fix things with an ex. All it got me was a lot of heartache and wasted effort. Granted she had cheated on me with her ex so, in a way, it was my mistake. However, ever since then I refused to chase after a girl. If we got into a fight or there was some misunderstanding I wouldn't even bother if they stopped talking to me. I believed that if they truly liked me then they would come back. However, while I haven't been very stressed, it has left me very much single. I have seen friends of mine do what I had done a while back and manage to remain with their significant other.

The main reason why I ask is because, just recently, the usual has occurred. I honestly don't know exactly what had her cut communication with me, but I have some hunches. From what I've been told it's a combination of her stress and being afraid of getting hurt and what not. Like I said, I don't know. That's just what my female friends have said. Usually I would cut my losses but this girl is definitely special. This also seems like one of those moments where I should actually chase after her. What should I do, and how would I even chase after her?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I say go after her. Yes you've been hurt in the past, but like you said it was partly your mistake and you've learned from it, much like all pain we should never hide from it, we accept it and learn from it. If this girl is special to you or even worth a second thought, why not see what happens? especially in the case where communication is spontaneously cut off, if things don't work out you'd just go back to not talking.

    Usually in life we're only unhappy because we choose to make ourselves unhappy, I vote for happiness and whatever could come of this.

    I'd say just walk up to her or text her and say hi. ask her how she's doing and then bring up how you haven't spoken in a while and that you're confused as to what happened. Just open up that window of communication and see where things go, and be honest the entire time.

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    • Well, I have tried contacting her once since she cut off contact. It was just met with complete silence so I never bothered again. That's what I meant by having to actually chase after her. Your advice still applies, I just don't know if the fact that I have tried contacting her since changes anything.

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    • I tried calling her as soon as I noticed she deleted me on Facebook. Then I waited a couple days and textend her saying I thought she was above this sort of behavior, but also apologized for the sarcastic comment I made. That comment was the last thing I said before she cut off contact (things had been tense but we were talking up until that). I suppose it's only been a week of no contact. Meh, for all I know she just left me for another guy :p

    • hmmm that's weird, do you know any of her friends? maybe they can tell you what happened. But it seems like you've tried a couple of times to try and talk to her, but I'd leave the ball in her court at this point.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think men more end it and cut off when they are done where women do it mostly out of hurt/pain.

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  • Yeah, if you think she's worth it.

    I've found that being in a relationship involves some risk. You're trusting this other person with your heart and giving them the chance to step all over it. But if you're willing, brave, and you think she might be worth it, then take a chance. I'd let them know of the chance I'm taking so that they don't fck up.

    And here is what love is all about-- Relationships are bound to get awry at some, most likely multiple, time. They'll get messy; communication wanes or cuts loose, and you're left wondering all by yourself what happened between the two of you. But a person who really loves you would give you a chance to clean up that mess, and as a person who loves them back, you'll give them a chance, too. That means being vulnerable about your feelings and opening up that door of communication between you two.

    Relationships entail vulnerability, because you're putting yourself out there and could get rejected. But in taking that risk, you could either wind up in a great relationship, or you could feel damaged beyond repair. If the latter, just remember that nothing is permanent, all wounds heal with time, and things will get better. At least you'll know that you did everything you could and won't regret it when you look back at 80yrs to wish you had done more or wonder what could have been. Life goes on. :) Good luckkkk!

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    • That's all very true. High risk, high reward I guess. Although, how would I know the difference between her cutting me off because she was hurt, versus cutting me off because she is done with me? Like, say, if she just met another guy and I became old news? I would like to think positively, but given what had happened to me, I can't help but think this way.

    • She's hurt, so she might be hesitant to approach you. In your case, I'd open up the communication lines myself. Approach with sincerity and open mind. If she wants to continue the relationship and is genuine, she'll reciprocate. If she wants to continue the relationship but still refuses to talk to you, do you really want to be in a relationship like that?

      You'll know she's moved on when she no longer speaks to you.

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