I have feelings for my ex co worker.

I have known this girl for over a year now. She is so awesome! She isn't like any other girl that I have met. she's the kinda girl that its alright to be friends with. It doesn't hurt my pride. I love her and she loves me.

She's been dating this guy for four years and lives with him. Her dad blew his brains out four years ago and her mom died of cancer two years ago.

All she has here in Alaska is her boyfriend to be with. The other day I was a little sad. I was thinking about her but I didn't hear from her forever.

I get a text of her saying that she missed me and that her relationship is not doing well and she almost moved back to california a few days ago. She said that she wants me. It was everything I ever wanted. But really frightening.

Last night I see her and we talk. She had a huge fight with her boyfriend that she's living with and doesn't want to be with anymore.

She starts telling me about her relationship and how she's done with it. I said, "so you're realizing that you guys are just friends living together?" And she said, "it's not even that. I am not sure what it is." And I asked, "do you think he still loves you a lot?"

Then she said that she's been reading a lot about it and is discovering that they are romantically involved.

And I said, "Well, you shouldn't be with someone that you know that its never going to work."

Its scary to me cause she says she has feelings for me and loves me.she wants to take me on a date this week. If she leaves her boyfriend then she will go back to California she says. I could tell her to stay with me but she probably wants to not dates guy and live with them. But she could lives with me and be friends even if we love each other and we know that we have more freedom being just friends right? But what if we agreed on just friendship and we get bothered by the people we date and come to our apartment for the night?

What do you think?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Like yopyop said, this girl is very unstable. She's the type of girl that will constantly go back to someone who will mistreat her (unfortunately). She also requires a very strong, and patient man to handle her. Unfortunately, I would guess that you would be nothing more than a rebound. Is it possible that she moves back, lives with you, and everything is happily ever after? Of course it is. It's not healthy to be pessimistic. However, it's far from realistic. What is likely to happen, if she moves back, is that she mooches off of you for a bit. How long that would be is up in the air. You will get your chance to be with this girl, even in just a superficial way. Unless you're able to play your cards PERFECTLY, she will most likely get bored and move on to someone else who probably treats her far worse than you do. That's just how it is. Like I said, it is possible that you are exactly what she wants and things will end up great. I just recommend to not get your hopes up. The fact alone that she's telling you she wants to be with you, while being romantically involved (and living with) another guy is a big red flag. There's not much to stop her from potentially doing the same thing to you if things go south.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Wait, how does being friends with a girl hurt your pride?

    You're in a tricky situation. She could either be trying to use you or be genuine towards you. With her, it's hard to tell. I wonder if you told her how you felt about her. Whether or not if you did, she knows you like her. Fact is, she may have no where else to go, or else you might be her best option as a housemate. But let's give her the benefit of the doubt. Here is how I see it from what you've told us: In any situation, she liked this guy more than you. Things go south, and she leaves, because she can't be around him anymore. I wonder if he was abusive or controlling to some extent to make her lose contact with her friends. She comes to you, out of the blue, because she knows you have genuine feelings for her. The only caveat is that she's pretty much homeless.

    Now the ball is in your court. What are you going to do? Take your friend in? Give them a home, a place to stay? But you're looking out for numero uno. You want to know the costs and benefits of this sudden change in your relationship, because it can either really hurt you or help you in getting what you want.

    Truth is, you can never force a person to like you. Just because you have romantic feelings for her, doesn't mean she has to reciprocate. The question is, are you still willing to be a friend even when you could end up used/hurt? There are no guarantees when you take her in, only the fact that you took her in.

    I can't give you an answer. I think the only way you'll know for sure is to either go through with it, or to talk to her some more.

    • That's what I am saying. I never forced feelings on her. Truth and reality is that she has been with this guy for four years and I am a mature enough guy to understand that it is more than telling her that my feelings got her are strong. She knows that she has feelings for me too but at least she is loyal to her boyfriend. She is the kinda girl that doesn't make you feel like shit for being a friend. I don't know. We will see where it gos. I am a careful guy now about these things. I can do it

    • Well I have had sex with a girl recently more than once and she then she tried to back out of the situation and play it off like we are friends. So I cut her off

What Guys Said 1

  • Well as you can see yourself, she blew very hot, then cold.

    Firstly, she seems to be ready to jump from a relationship to another one in a second.

    Then she's telling you despite the fights, she's romantically involved with him.

    And all you teel us about her, hint that she's unstable, at the moment (not even mentioning her past).

    All this sounds like you are going to be a rebound, a relationship tester, or whatever.

    You should tell her to move to California, get back on her feet, and then recontact you in a few months, once her head is clear. But don't expect too much of it, it seems she's more in "escape" mode.

    • Well I forgot to mention that she did say that she doesn't want a relationship. She just wants to be happy. I am proud of the things she can admit. Like she actually takes blame for some of the relationship falling apart.

      I think for the most part she is a great person who means well of wanting to be caring and a loving person.

      I've seen girls who pretend to be caring and it doesn't last that long. For her she has flaws like many people but she is perfect.

    • Show All
    • Obviously you have to build your own experience.

      Best of luck. You'll need it.

    • Thank you for your wise words. I really do appreciate it. And don't worry. From the wisdom and experience I have had with women over the years I have learned to never dive in too deep into the emotional realm.

      I look at the picture and see if it is a good choice or not. This girl for the the most part is a very genuine person for what she is.

      I just have to remember that perfect does not exist. Only appropriate timing.

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