How to stop having feelings for a guy?

I'm not one to get attached ever. I avoid it like hell, and hate feeling dependent on anyone.

theres this guy who I fooled around with and recently lost my V to, we were never close just friendly enough. I don't even care that he took my V, I just miss being around him and being held by him and stuff. It's been about a month without talking, probably because of winter break, and I literally can't stop thinking about him and it's killing me. I barely even know anything about him, so I assume it's just the affection that I miss (and that I'm sure he likes/liked me).

like I said, I hate feeling like this, so how can I move past this/him and move on like none of this ever happened?

- I also for the life of me can't tell if he was using me or not. He's been hurt in the past, is very guarded and secretive TO EVERYONE, and hasn't dated in a loooooong time. he personally scoped me out and took his time talking to me before he made any moves, and like I said he was very affectionate. so how can I tell if I was being played or if he just has his own issues to sort through?

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What Guys Said 1

  • First of all, let's think through his motives. You can't know what his motives are for being with you if he doesn't tell you. However, if it was his plan to seduce someone, wouldn't he have sought out someone a lot more vulnerable than you? That theory seems highly unlikely. Given his dating record and his reticence, he would not have gone to so much trouble if he didn't like you. You are harder to reach than most.

    Then there is the matter of your feelings. Falling for someone does not automatically make you dependent on them. It's not as though you will turn your brain off if you allow yourself enjoy that feeling. Why not enjoy it? It doesn't come along often. I think your issue is that you don't like feeling vulnerable. Being vulnerable is a good thing. The alternative is being invulnerable which is to say, completely alone. Ask yourself what you have to fear about all this. There is a possibility of rejection, and that certainly hurts. But there is also the possibility of a real relationship. That is not something to be feared.

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    • well it's not like he knows I don't like getting attached, you can't look at someone and tell if they're vulnerable or not.

      also there's no chance at a real relationship like I said we're not close, we're barely even friends. He's never tried to get to know me, find out about my life or anything personal. that's partly why I want to stop these "feelings" there's no point to them because we won't end up together

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    • I'm beginning to see now. Thanks for clarifying. He personifies a very reasonable need. I don't think you can turn off that desire for closeness. The key is to find the right guy who you can be close to in a healthy relationship. If this one won't allow you in emotionally, it's best to detach the need from him. One way is to try to get him to open up to you and hold back on affection if he won't. This gives him incentive to do it.

    • Eventually he might open up and you can decide if you want to form a real relationship with him where the closeness is real. If he won't open up when you withhold affection, what you have with him will fall apart and you'll lose the desire to share affection with him. That frees you up to find someone you can be close to. I don't this powerful desire for closeness is a bad thing as long it is with someone who feels the same way about you.

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