Ex trying to contact me, ended horribly when we broke up. I'm confused and need help

Around a year and a half ago a girl added me on Facebook.. I wansn't at al interested in her at first, quite the opposite, she seemed a Little to sure of herself.

Well, anyways, she kept texting me for 3 months and I were polite and awnsered, also gave her advice and such since she had a couple of issues in her Life. But then after 3 months she said she had started growing feeling for me,wich got me stunned. We met and I don't know why but I fell inlove too. A few weeks Went on and she kept getting stranger in her behavior, being unfaithfull and telling me a lot of lies. On top of that she was sent to a locked treatmentcenter. (I were aware of her having problems but I looked past them)

Just Before she told me she had been fooling around with a guy at a party. So yeah, I felt like absolute shit, but I didn't give up on her/us because I were so inlove I guess, and foolish.

as time Went by I started to grow more selfdestruvtive and depressed. She was locked in and the only Contact we had were by letter and brief and rare phoneconversations. Also during the time she was at the treatment center she called to tell me she had used drugs while she were at my Place... and that other "patients" were giving her LSD. I wans't sure what to Believe at that Point.

Well, we started to fight on the phone, or well she got more angry and irritated for every day that Went by, and I kept getting so depressed that I felt that there was no reason to live anymore.

3 months after we first met we broke up while arguing through the phone, and it actually felt like a relief.

The thing is that I can't get her out of my head, one year after we broke up, and now for the third time she has contacted me since we broke up and we Always end fighting and she screaming horrible things. This time she added me on fb, and I don't wan't accept, but at the same time it feels it Would be good if we could sort things out. I don't trust her at all, and if I say something that offends her she get mad with rage and screams over the phone.

I guess the most intelligent thing to do would be to block all Contact with her, and just forget her /which is very hard for me.

Maybe I should put my foot down and tell her that if she can't have a nice attitude towards me and try to sort things out, she can scram, also put foward nicely to her from me.

One thing that bothers me is that I sometimes Picture us togheter again, all this is getting me really depressed again and I'm more confused than I ever have been. Also Writing this makes me feel like a complete moron, letting her fool me and treat me like she did, and I also feel week since I din't cut her of when I should have.

This is a lot of text, sorry, I just need advice, I don't want any of that to happen again. Thanks in advance Lovely people!


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't really think of her as an ordinary cheater and liar. It's much more complex than that. Given her mental history, she probably has a lot less control over her emotions and actions than most people. You need to realize that her betrayals and erratic behavior was not personal to you. Part of what you need to do is forgive her for the many hurts she put you through. I really doubt that she wants to hurt you. The other side of this is that this is who she is. She probably couldn't change that even if she wanted to. Regardless of how much she might care about you or you care about her, you are way over your head with someone like her. I don't know who would be able to handle all this. You can't help her. You haven't failed her, nor has your care been inadequate. She needs some kind of help that she won't get from a relationship. It is clearly best for you to not have her in your life. It's not actually worse for her if you break all things off since people who care about her set her off.

    Because of all the mental and emotional energy and intensity, this might take a long time to get over. Try to separate yourself from the interactions you had so you stop thinking about "what ifs" that don't exist. You might want to talk through all this with some who can give you perspective, whether this is a friend or a therapist.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly you answered the question yourself. She is not well and needs attention to help her with the things that are going on in her life but that doesn't make it YOUR job to be that safety blanket, the one that she yells at because she's frustrated. She is a destructive person and the only thing that is going to happen with her is more destruction, you will hurt yourself more than help either of you. My Mom always tells me, "You can't save people, they have to figure their own sh*t out." and it's true. It's normal to picture the what could have beens but honestly those can hurt you as well, you become stuck in the memories and create what you wish or want to have had. It is best (as hard as it is) to separate yourself from her. Do not re-add her as a friend, and give her one last call and tell her goodbye, tell her that you wish her the best but that it's time for a change.

    She is not the type of girl that you want in your life, to surround yourself with, all she will bring you (sadly) is negative energy right now which won't help you. You have a lot to offer someone else, someone that won't verbally bash you and will make you feel hurt and sad okay? NO ONE DESERVES that, and I know this from past experiences with close friends. You only damage yourself.

    Take the hard road, tell her she will always have a place in your heart but that it is time to move on and that you wish her the best in life. But ultimately, you should leave her in your rear view mirror, because if you keep looking back, you'll get into an accident because you're not paying attention to the road/future.

    Best of luck. G_D bless.


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