I cheated on my boyfriend but I still love him?

Okay, my boyfriend is 24 he still works at his first job as a bus boy, no he did not get a raise, he's going to be 25 soon and still works at his first job since he was 16 and makes 7.40 an hour and works 4 to 5 hours for 2 or 3 days a week, and I'm 19 going on 20 in a month, I've had more jobs than he has had. We're going on almost 3 years of being together. Our dates consist of Walmart, Meijer, McDonald's or cheese pizza because he's a vegetarian. He does nice things for me like drive me up to my college for classes but I pay him gas to drive me up there. He smokes weed, and he complains about not having any money, and when we do go out somewhere fancy, his parents pays for it not him. He doesn't like hanging out with friends he pushed all of his friends away, he doesn't like going out or having fun or anything. On new year's eve he took me home because he thinks its stupid to kiss at midnight, so I cried while all my friends were kissing their boyfriend, while I'm sitting there like yep, my boyfriend doesn't want too hang out. Then he complains he's tired all the time when he literally sits at home on his butt all day and watch tv.

So I met this guy 6 months ago, we litterally talk all day and all night until one of us passes out, he's an attractive guy, he's 28, he has a good paying job, his own car and place to live, he has a girlfriend, but she's a bit crazy, I've met her..she always threatens to commit suicide if they break up, so he's stuck, but we saw each other again just recently and we were alone and we had sex. I don't have feelings for this guy, I just think he's really cute. I don't regret sleeping with him...to my luck he lives 2 hours away so I'm not concerned about my boyfriend finding out about what he and I did, but the guy likes me, and I don't like him like that. I still love my boyfriend, and the guy is 8 years older than me . So it'd just be a bit awkward and he cheated on his girlfriend, I don't want someone like that. So now I'm stuck in the middle of what to do now, I still love my boyfriend, it's just he's been upsetting me and every way possible, but I know he tries but he isn't trying hard enough, and I still want to be with him.
Updates:
Okay, before everyone jumps to he's a hard working man, No HE'S NOT. He's a bus boy, he spends his money on weed he doesn't spend it on me or anything else, and sits and complains and cries about how he doesn't have any money. I don't care about the material things I just want him to DO SOMETHING. He isn't trying at all, past 3 years he said he would do something.
Okay, let's put it this way, 1st year it was fine he wasn't acting like this, 2nd he started being this way he makes $60 a week, he spends 45 of it on weed, that leaves 15.00, 9.00 of it goes to gas and the rest goes into cigarettes. I am not a material girl. I want to see him TRY better himself instead of complaining over not wanting to work or that he's tired, I work with him at this job. We clean tables and that's it, his life is not hard at all.

I've had more jobs than he has in the past 3 years, he got a job offer at a factory, but he turned it down, because he said that requires doing actual WORK. I'm not worried about the kiss, what pissed me off was he wanted to sit at home and smoke a bowl and do nothing everyday he does not go to school, he sits at home and watches tv, NOTHING else. If he wants to go somewhere I DRIVE him. I don't ask for a penny of gas money when we go out, yet when I ride with him I gotta pay him.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well first, it seems like the people answering this question didn't actually READ your question since their answers all say something along the lines of "he's trying." No, he isn't trying. I'd have to agree with one answerer though, he does sound depressed... or there may be another reason for his lack of energy and ambition. There is nothing wrong with weed though, lets not get things twisted. "So it would be a bit awkward and he cheated on his girlfriend, I don't want someone like that." You say that but you cheated on your boyfriend, so how does that work?

    Honestly just talk to your boyfriend and try to communicate, tell him that you've had enough and want to see him get a different job and try to make something of himself. That you want to see him succeed in life and you feel it isn't going anywhere by living with his parents. Tell him if he can't make an effort to make something of himself in life you may have to move on in life. Take his reply and decide what to do from there. It may be time to move on in life.

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    • I wish I can make 2 best answers. I have a question how do I try to communicate with him without him bawling his eyes out? He does it every time I bring it up? :(

    • Just sit there while he cries and comfort him, tell him you know he doesn't want to hear it but it's something he has to hear if he wants the relationship to work. That you're not trying to to insult him but feel the only way your relationship will last is if he attempts to do something for himself.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Wait wait wait. You don't want to date this other guy Because he cheated on his gf? How are you any better? All the bad stuff you said about your boyfriend was not needed. It doesn't make you cheating okay. If you don't like him than leave. And you don't love him. Love isn't justa feeling. It's choosing what's best for the other person. If you think you did that, there's something wrong with your thought process. I'm going to assume you haven't been cheated on and don't know what it's like

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  • Next time, break up with your boyfriend before you get with another guy.

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  • this is inspiring for me because normally it seems girls want to date a guy that is higher than them, as in, is in a better position in life than she is

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  • I'm going to be totally honest, since the only useful answer is an honest one.

    Your boyfriend sounds like a loser, but you to some extent sound like one too.

    You've been with this guy for three(?) years, and you're complaining now? The classic mistake that girls make is thinking they can change a man. Newsflash: it's virtually impossible. It's not as if this guy used to be doing well and then tripped up and now needs help. He's always been a loser. Don't speak as if he's letting you down.

    So you cry because your boyfriend can't be bothered to give you a midnight kiss, but then you sleep with some other guy, who already has a girlfriend? It sounds like you're very sensitive when it comes to your own feelings but not sensitive when it comes to other people's.

    Every girl wants a guy with a good job. But let's have a reality check here. I don't know what you consider a good job, but in my view they all pretty much require college degrees. Only 33% or so of the population have degrees. You see we have a numerical problem here? You can't just assume you're going to end up with a guy who has a good career.

    My advice is, break up with this guy. You don't cheat on a guy you love. I don't even know what you look like or much about you, but simply on the basis of what you've said, I can tell you that I would not date you (and yes I have a college degree and a job that pays over $200,000 a year) and that you need to work on your personality. You're young. If you work on yourself NOW, you'll really boost your chances of getting a guy you think you deserve.

    What I've written may sound harsh, but I am trying to help you.

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    • please read the story then re do your question.

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    • It really makes no difference whether you consider yourself a material girl or not. You don’t have to prove anything to me.

      He's been working a menial job since the age of 21 or so, and he's been acting lazily for two years or so you say. It's wrong to try to change him. You should love a man for his virtues, not in the hope that he develops virtues. As I said, this is the classic mistake that so many girls make. And I think you’re being a little too generous to yourself in implying that...

    • ...you didn’t know his true personality.

      The relationship is dead. Cheating, along with all the problems you two have been having: it's just too much.

      My advice stands: try working on yourself. At the moment, your choices are a lazy boyfriend you don’t really like and a guy you don’t even like who cheats on his possibly-suicidal girlfriend. A high-quality man isn’t going to fall into your lap. You really have to work for it. I don’t think many girls realize that.

  • Your boyfriend doesn't deserve you. He may not have the greatest job on earth but at least he tries to support himself anyway he can. Its questions like these that make me hate the female race. They can get a guy to date them with a snap of a finger, and its never good enough. I hope he catches you in the act and wakes up and dumps you.

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    • Um he still lives with his parents and doesn't plan on moving out, and smokes weed all day and won't get a job because it happens to be illegal in his state..wanna know what that money is used for WEED not to support himself. 45.00 for weed 10 bucks for gas in his car to get to the weed.

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    • I've heard better than kiss my fat hairy white ass. At least have some decency to spell "Ass" right.

    • Now we have a spelling Nazi.

What Girls Said 5

  • But you cheated on your boyfriend also what is the difference of him cheating on his gf? It takes two to tango. You say you love him but you don't regret cheating. So why did you cheat in the first place? Adult life is hard. The man you been with is working and taking you to school. Not all men want to work or keep a job. It takes two people to form a relationship. Instead of worrying about what he's not doing , help him better himself. Suggest getting a better job. Shit don't come easy. What is this 28 year old man doing for you that this young man isn't besides looking attractive. It sounds like I'm being mean. But I just telling the truth. If you loved this man you wouldn't be acting this way. I know you are young but it's time to start seeing the big picture here. You don't like the older man, tell him that and move on with your life. I suggest you tell you boyfriend how you felt and you might have to tell him about your recent activities. Because going about this the way you did was straight up hurtful. If you love him make things right with him. If you can't acknowledge your wrongs here then don't waste that young man's time. And don't be surprised if he doesn't take you back. Just being honest.

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    • I pay for him to take me to school I gave him 20.00 to take me to school that's 10 miles away. Wanna know what he did with that money spent it on weed, he still lives at home and his parents pay for everything NOT him. he doesn't do anything is what I'm getting at.

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    • Did you read the full story though?

    • I read the whole thing and the updates. Still doesn't change my answer.

  • Honestly id own up to the cheating...let him know to get it off your chest and I think you should leave that relationship. No offense but he seems lost for his age and lacks ambition. He may be secretly depressed but I'm no love expert but you do deserve better. As for the other guy you slept with let him know your situation, explaining how one thing led to another and close that off as well. Hope this was of some use to u.

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    • however I must say it is very hard to make a living in the u.s I'm caribbean born, raised and living jobs are fairly easy to get education or not, but I went to the u.s recently its a completely different scenario I do applaud your boyfriend for trying though better to have something than nothing. So if you do stay with him you need to be that ride or die girlfriend and forget about what everyone else will think and support him. Just saying..

    • His paycheck goes to weed, that's all he spends it on and complains about not having enough money :/ it's just hard.

  • You're dating a guy with no worth. But why decide to complain now? What has happened exactly? It seems like a lack of communication here. Both of you can fix this but I you shouldn't go back to a loser.

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  • If you are genuinely feeling this way you would hav left by now.

    Guys stagnating. Just leave.

    Next time don't cheat. There is no excuse for it. Like ever.

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  • Just to get things started if there was an issue instead of cheating on him you should have talked to him or broke up with him. The whole thing doesn't make any sense if you honestly loved him you wouldn't have had sex with a 28yr old and then met his girlfriend without her knowing. That's really fucked up. As for your so called boyfriend he's trying try to give him the chance I understand it's been 3 years and all but what's going on doesn't justify anything sorry. You need to work on getting things straight. Sorry to be blunt but this is something you need to hear.

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    • Would you date someone who works at their first job still and isn't making an effort to try to do something better with their lives?

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    • No not at all, sounds like it's time for you to move on.

    • Clearly I said he still works at his first job, he is not trying at all. I'm not a material person. I want him to better himself.

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