I don't know If I can Handle being just friends?

So my boyfriend and I just broke up 2 days ago and today we decided that we're just going to be friends. We talked for a little bit after deciding that and I don't know. It's just hard on me to be just friends. I really miss him and today would've marked 4 months of being together. It's the first serious relationship I've had. (We're both 18) He was the one that seemed to not really care if we brokeup or not. He said he wasn't sure about our relationship anymore because he's afraid that he's holding me back, holding me back from having sex (But sex isn't that big of a deal to me. and our relationship is long distance), and he said he just wants me to be happy. He says he likes me though... We both couldn't decide for days what we were going to do. 2 days ago he said it was up to me but he deleted me on Facebook already and won't re add. Yesterday I said that I wouldn't mind getting back together as long as he would be happy but he never replied. I told him if I didn't hear back from him by 10pm that I was assuming it was over. So today I asked him what he wanted to be friends or if he wanted to be just friends and he said "Friends I guess? I don't know lol" Should I tell him I don't think I can handle being just friends? :/ Does it sound like there's a chance of us getting back together? I can't tell. He keeps sending mixed signals.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Firstly, I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope for a speedy recovery.

    I'd say the chances of you getting back together are slim to none. I doubt that was an answer you liked hearing, but there is a bright side if you'll hear me out. Secondly, there is no shame or harm in NOT wanting to be his friend. Do you really want to be around when he starts dating someone else? I've noticed there are three scenarios for ex's who try to remain friends. A) Fast forward a few months later and they hate each other. B) Fast forward a few months later and one of them gets their heart broken all over again when the other starts dating someone new, or C) Fast forward a few months and they are good friends. Sadly, I have noticed A and B are the two most common outcomes. If you decide to stay this guy's friend, then I sincerely hope you remain good friends. However, it might be worth considering just being friendly acquaintances. You can be polite. You can be civil. You can be friendly. In fact you should be all those things. However, if your heart can't handle being his friend, there's no shame in that. You don't even have to make a formal announcement (thus keeping things open if, at some time in the future, you think you could really be a friend to him). Just limit your contact.

    The good news is that in limiting your contact, you are speeding up the healing process. I've noticed prolonged contact tends to prolong the recovery. By speeding up the healing process, you won't be tying your feelings into someone who doesn't seem to care for you the way you care for him. You are 18, and have most of your life ahead of you, my dear. In speeding up the healing process, you'll be ready to bat those eyelashes at the next Sir Awesome who comes your way, instead of not noticing him because you're too into someone who isn't into you. You seemed to have wooed this guy you broke up with, so why not get out there as quick as you can and do it to someone who'll be right for you? I wish you all the best and you take care now.

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What Guys Said 2

  • sounds to me like he's with another girl, why else would he instantly remove you from his Facebook.

    just try to get over him as fast as you can and then start to look for a guy that lives closer to you.

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  • I believe that's true

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What Girls Said 3

  • I know that this may be really hard because you obviously care about him alot. You are both 18 and are going to be heading off in different directions soon with college so perhaps this may be a bitter sweet thing. If he seemed as though he didn't care as much about this happening then I would leave it at that, understand that you were together and spent a lot of good and maybe bad times together but in the end it's kind of over. If you really care about him and want to be friend with him I would suggest taking a month or so of not texting or talking to him if you can that way you can find a little distance and maybe closure. Look at it this way also, it doesn't mean that the two of you can't be friends and maybe down the road in the future re-connect, but you are going to be exposed to so many different people once you get to college and different ideas and perspectives. Ultimately it is up to you but take this from someone who has had the same sort of situation before, things have a way of repeating themselves and the second time is often much harder than the first because then you are more aware that someone feels a little less love.

    You are going 2 meet new people, take some time and maybe go out for coffee with your friends or new people and thank him for being a part of your life and that you both taught each other things about what you would like and don't in your future relationships. Best of luck m'dear.

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  • It's over. He is probably seeing someone else, someone close to him. Removing from FB, not caring about if it ends or not . . . just not the actions of a guy who truly wants to be with you. FYI, the whole friends thing doesn't usually work and 4 months is far from a serious relationship, it's also a common amount of time for people to date before they decide if the person has 'forever' potential or not. Not that he was thinking about forever, at the age of 18, but he is certainly thinking it's far more advantageous to have a girlfriend who is in close physical proximity, he's got sex on his mind too. As far as being friends goes, can you support him and be happy for him when he has another gf? If you can't honestly answer yes to that, then you can't/aren't his friend, and I highly doubt he's about to invest any sort of time into being a good friend to you. Him saying yes to friendship was just the easy way out.

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  • him saying he was worried about holding you back from sex was really code for he wants sex and having a long distance relationship with you is holding HIM back unfortunately, I'm really sorry you're hurting.

    he doesn't want to get back with you whatsoever, he's just too chicken to say it outright hence ignoring you and ruin any chance of hooking up with his ex (you) whenever he visits the area again so he says he doesn't know and he's trying to decide but really he's just hoping you say it so he won't have to. the fact that he deleted you off his Facebook and won't readd you most likely means he's already talking to other girls and doesn't want you snooping on his page and seeing flirty comments between them

    dont remain friends with him, just cut him out of your life and try to move on and meet new people who will treat you properly. tell him you don't want to keep in touch with the past and you hope he finds someone closer to him to make him happy, don't turn it into an argument or make a horrid comment as you'll look immature and he will have the satisfaction of knowing you don't mean it and are still head over heels for him.

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