Is this a break or a break up?

Here are the bullet points of my story:

3 year relationship

Lived together 2+ years

Both 23

Met at College

My boyf has split up with me at the weekend. He told me that he didn't see a future with me when we were drunk on Friday night and I asked him to leave our flat on Sunday after talking about it and requested that he didn't contact me until I did. He cried a lot and said he didn't know if he would be happier without me and that he didn't want to loose me. But when we talked in the morning we came to the decision that he had 'known this' for a while (since before xmas).

He has not been himself for about 6 months after getting his first proper job. I think he didn't realize what real life was like. He's been really depressed and has also developed headaches, skin conditions and asthma. He's also letting his college debts get out of control to the point we are getting final notices (something we've argued about and he won't ring the debt agency and fix).

He's left now to stay with friends and I left a letter in our flat that he replied to saying our separation is harder than he had ever thought and that he is hurting and he hates to think what I'm going through.

I text him after seeing it saying that we needed to talk and he got back saying when and what about. I replied simply saying that I didn't want to talk about any in particular and that I didn't think we needed to pretend the relationship didn't happen. He's taking his time in the replies and he's being very distant not even trying to get me back.

What do I do from here? Am I acting the right way?

We've had worse fights then this where I have said worse things than he has and we've managed to keep it together.

What's your opinions? Do you think there's anything to save? I am real need of some help!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't come across as needy of him, because if he has something inside him with your name on it, he will let you know, us guys can't pretend we dislike someone or don't love them, we are open like that when it matters, so let him come to you, because if this is going to be fixed, he will make the first move, all you have to do is respond to his moves. But don't be so accommodating, let him sweat it if he does decide he wants to fix things. But if he don't, then you know that you have got rid of a dead end story in your life, and you are now open to another world where men will prove their worth to you, because you would of matured emotionally, and you will make less mistakes. Let yourself move on, don't hold on to old emotions, let them go, because your new evolved feelings will bring you better men, more worthy men, and not a dead end one with no chapters. If he has you inside him still, then let him come calling, make him think that you are moving on, because for him to realize what he is missing, he needs to feel that he's going to lose it if he don't do something,x

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Typical breakup I am sorry to hear. He has been thinking about this for a while, it is worse than you think.

    There is nothing YOU can do to save this - except that you should save your selfrespect, decency and confidence. This is vital in two ways, one it will help you cope and move on. Two it will show him you are strong and this is very attractive.

    So no, you have not been acting the right way.

    He has caused this, not you. Let him feel it. It is very easy to tell you this, and hard to stick to it. But it is the best way, judging this by my own breakup and because I have read hundreds of similair stories.

    This is not the time to show him your feelings. Give him space. Give yourself space to heal.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think when a person decides to check himself out of a relationship, there's really nothing you can do to turn it around :/

    My boyfriend broke up with me for sorta the same reason - he didn't see it going anywhere. and he also told me that he's been thinking for a few weeks. One month before, I talked to him about something he's been doing that made me feel not appreciated, he's pissed that I talked about it. Things sorta become normal, but I did bicker 1-2 times the following week, and one time 3 weeks before break up, he said "why do I date you? haha" because he thought I wasn't being "supportive". I could feel the break up coming a week before he actually broke up with me. He was really distant, stop contacting me, would only reply my "how are you", but ignored me when I asked if everything's okay between us or when we would meet up. He only broke up with me when I called him up during the weekend asking if he want to meet up.

    So yes it really sucks, esp on the receiving end, but the only thing to do is to accept it and move on. The love may have once been strong and survived worse before. But people change and feelings change. Do no contact him, be strong. He left you and it's a huge blow to you, so you may want to fix things. But the more you try to fix it, the more you may push him away. Give each other space. It's hard to be in contact especially this early on after a break up. Also you will have time to rethink about the relationship yourself, he left you, if he really loved you he wouldn't have left, he would have fought for it.

    Good luck! Give better guys their chances (at least that's wt I m telling myself right now...)

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