I'm falling for someone but I'm not sure if I'm over my ex yet?

About a month ago, my (ex) boyfriend of a year dumped me. I was so in love with him and I would've done anything for him. He dumped me because he was "tired of hurting me" and "only saw me as a friend" and "wanted to be single". He didn't treat me very well when we were together...he wasn't romantic with me, pushed me away a lot when I tried to hug him, didn't get me anything on my birthday, didn't express his feelings, etc. It got to the point where our friends would actually comment at how he wasn't treating me right. I was depressed and cried a lot during our relationship, wondering if he even loved me. When he dumped me I was very sad but soon felt liberated because I no longer had to feel depressed about a guy all the time. I was doing really well until the other night, when he showed up to a party I was at and all the old feelings I had came rushing back and I ended up missing him and I cried that night.

Well I also have been talking to a guy for a while, who is really into me. He texts me almost every night. We never run out of things to talk about, we are both majoring in music and we are both into art and he is very intelligent and creative. I feel very comfortable and safe with him. We went on our first date last week and it went really well. He is more mature than my ex and he has 2 jobs and he is super nice and positive. He's 21 and my ex was 16 (I'm 18). I told him that I'm scared to fall for someone again and he said he understands and he is taking it slow with me so we are only dating right now. But I haven't told him anything about my ex. I honestly feel like I'm falling for this guy and I know he is falling for me too (he writes me love poems and stuff like that) and I know if we were together he would treat me really well, he's already treating me better than my ex did and we aren't even together yet.

I really want to completely move on and only focus on this new guy. But the way I felt when I saw my ex was scary and I don't think it's fair to this new guy if I'm not over my ex yet. But when I don't see my ex I hardly even think about him, so I can't tell if I'm over him or not. Does it sound like I'm over him or not? What should I do with the new guy I'm falling for? Thank you

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The only way you are going to move on is to date new guys; date this new guy. Will seeing your ex bring old feelings? Yes, because you were burned and hurt badly. However, you have to remind yourself that this is a different guy. He deserves a chance to prove himself. You shouldn't old shit is going to happen in a new relationship. Everything man is different in some ways. Let go of the past and don't worry about it. If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Remember, you are independent, strong woman and you don't take shit from nobody.

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  • Your X dumped you, that's a first CLEAR indication that he didn't like you. Secondly he treated you I'm sorry to say but like a huge piece of shet ( no hugs, no respect no nothing ) I think by the time you saw that you should of cut him off immediately, but you didn't, so let us continue. Now you have a guy who is REALLY into you and sees you for who you are and as you said you share a lot of in common interests and the way I see you guys clicked in a very right way. Now being scared is never a good thing, people fall in life, so they can learn from their mistakes and rise even higher without having fear anymore ( you should let go of that fear, because if you don't, it will eat you up alive and you will regret it very much) If this guy does all the things that you said writing you poems and things he really likes you and I see and he is trying hard. All I can say if you don't try again and decide to wait until you get over your X which can take A LOT OF time, that new guy will not wait that long ( weeks months ) even though he understands. All I can say if you don't try you will never know.

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  • Either he really doesn't like you as anymore than a friend, or;

    I have Asperger's Syndrome. It's difficult for me to show emotions in a way that other people can recognize. I don't get body language, or most social rules. This makes things like dating especially hard (especially before I found out I had it), because there are always things that the other person is expecting you to do/say, and if you don't, they assume they did something wrong, or that you don't like them. It gets even worse because they can't relate to me the way they would most other people they'd date, because we don't see the world the same way/experience the same things. So I feel for that guy. I don't know if that's his deal or not, but you dated for a year, so you probably know him well enough to tell, if you look it up.

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    • Eh I see your point but I don't think he had Aspergers. He told be that the reason he had trouble expressing feelings is because he grew up with a bad role model(his father never showed his mother love, and he hit her and cheated on her) which may or may not be the real reason, or he maybe just did not love me enough :/

  • No, you aren't over your ex yet, so keep your distance from the older guy. As you say, it wouldn't be fair to him to find out he was only a rebound crush for you.

    And it wouldn't be fair to YOU to have a disillusioning experience again!

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