How to get closure if she doesn't want to talk? How do you usually get closure?

I see closure as getting everything off your chest by talking with the other one, explaining yourselfs as 2 grown-ups. No harsh words, no insults, no blaiming, BUT rather trying to figure out where it went wrong.

BUT I can't get mine since the girl refused to talk. So we basically parted and that's it. No contact for MONTHS and I'm still in pain as I don't understand what happened where it went wrong.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • closure is interesting in that for some people closure really means different things.

    OFten times it isn't really about finding out what went wrong, but what was/is wrong at time of the break up and that being the necessary closure to the relationship

    Your situation seems odd because it sounds like you don't know why the relationship ended... is that right? Like one day she just broke up with you?

    Closure for some people can be positive as in it can clear up ambiguity whereas for others closure can be negative because it can force the person to deal and confront the decision, reason, etc so avoiding closure can be a way of avoiding confrontation or dispute...

    so I guess what you need to really ask yourself is; do you have absolutely no clue why the break up happened? If you don't then maybe write a letter. simply stating that you are really confused why the relationship ended. I think, however, through some reflection you can probably glean some answers.

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What Girls Said 6

  • don't count on it. I left my relationship and there were a lot of problems that other ex partner of mine unfortunately didn't follow through on or fix. I'm not perfect but I tried.

    the worst relationships are when one expects the other to be a 'counsellor', there needs to be respect and growth- not an expectation that the other needs to console the other. both people usually are hurt during a break up, if not now, then later in remorse.

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  • I feel your pain, as I have experienced this more than once myself. Chasing them for closure will only seed more pain. The people that dodge you are only truly afraid of their own cowardly actions. My suggestion is to find something happy to change your thoughts to every time you think of her. Finding your own form of closure will be the only way- and that can simply be forcing your mind to be positive. Don't let yourself even think about her for more than two seconds.

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  • Sometimes I believe we just have to try to create our own closure. Realise that if she was that concerned about you that she would have contacted you by now. Some girls have this assumption that once you part ways you never ever talk to them again, even if it never had closure. Or maybe, she's having a hard time dealing with it and she can't bring herself to talk to you as all the efforts she's made to move on will be for nothing as all the feelings come back and she doesn't want that to happen

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    • she kept posting on her Facebook all that time, probably waiting for me to make the first step, but why not be more straightforward she wants something from me? And that made me think that she was actually not willing to fight for this and i just let go completely (it took time though). The more she was posting, the more i understood she's giving up. I mean it's sad you love someone and have to resort to posting on your facebook. If she's scared of talking to me about feelings, then there's nothing to talk about. I still didn't get my closure but i moved on somehow.

  • Unfortunately you may never get the answers to your questions. Sorry but you may need to just let it go and move on.

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  • By learning not to care about it , a few shots of tequila with lime and a bit of rum shall do

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  • Sometimes you don't need closure. Sometimes it's best to just move on

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What Guys Said 3

  • You never really get closure externally (i.e. with them). You can never MAKE people hear you, you never know if they told you the truth.

    The only real closure is internal. You need to come to terms with what happened and accept it, including the parts that are unknown and that you will never know.

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  • They ignore you because they ARE SURE they don't want anything to do with you.

    The more you run after them, the more they run away. And they think doing this is better than giving you a reason why it ended.

    Even though this reason can be a misunderstanding. Thus making the breakup a misunderstanding.

    It's sad, but people never think about that possibilty.

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  • Have you considered writing her a letter?

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