What's wrong with me? I can't seem to get over her.

I dated a women for 10 months and then she broke up with me because she said she never loved me and therefore thought the relationship was going nowhere.

Maybe she was right, but did try to get her back but to no avail.

It's been over a year and yet I still think about her, almost every day.

I think one problem may be that she and I are in the same circle. I have seen here and there, although I have been trying to avoid her and I haven't seen her in almost 6 months.

Should I leave the circle of friends who have a connection with her? I think my friends know if she is dating someone and won't tell me to protect me. Perhaps it is better this way?

I feel as though it is only a matter of time before I run into her and new guy she is with.

Any suggestions as to how get out of this pickle and move on with my life?


Thanks all for the responses. It seems that the general consensus is that I should not leave my circle of friends, and I tend to agree.

What do I do, however, about attending events where she may be?

Maybe just stay away, for my own sanity?

I think I messed up by dating before I was absolutely certain that there was nothing left between me and my ex.

It just pissed me off that I saw her with that other guy. After all, he hit on her and she never actually went out with him (so, I hear), so maybe I jumped the gun.

Either way, this is all sad.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't leave the circle of friends if they are good friends and tey value them.

    I assume, have they been there for you?

    Losing friends you would like to keep is not worth it in the long run.

    If she is with someone new, then there is not much that can be done about it.

    Maybe it is better if your friends don't talk about it if it is the case. But if you ask them they shouldn't lie to you.

    But equally, probably just don't ask.

    Maybe you will see her in the street, or somewhere you go. Maybe you will see her with someone else.

    It could just be a make friend, it could be someone she is seeing.

    Try not to dwell on it too much. Will the energy you put into thinking what if change anything?

    Or make you feel worse?

    I know it is easier said than done.

    Try not to look at her Facebook. If you do go to do it, think about it then don't.

    You could easily see a photo which is just her and a friend and then your mind could race.

    If you bump into her, then put on a brave face and a smile and just say hi.

    You don't have to stop to talk to her. If it is in a social setting, be polite, but again, just talk to someone else. Act confident, smile and try and enjoy your freinds company.

    Just by knowing she will think your having a laugh and not bothered by her being there will make you feel better. Almost like a one up. Yeah you moved on, but look, I'm fine! Even if it is not quite the case.

    By asking us how you can move on and improve how you feel shows you want to. And you are ready too. And that, is a great start.

    Get out, see your mates. Talk to some new girls.

    Do you have a mum or dad? If you do and you have a good relationship, go up to them and say your still sad about the break up. Say you are finding it hard to move on but you want to. Just talking about it with someone you can trust may heko you feel a bit better even if they offer no solution. If you don't have parents talk to your best and most trusted friend.

    Go out and do the things you enjoy. If you have hobbies go and do them.

    Spend some time out in nature and the countryside, a short walk and fresh air on your own can help clear your thoughts.

    There is no overnight solution to make you feel better.

    Unfortunately it can take time. But if you constantly let your self think about her and what if she is with someone new gets no where and becomes unhealthy.

    Everytime you start to think like this remind your self you want to move on and feel happier.

    Tell your self you will move on and be happier. Tell yourself it could take time but it will happen.

    When you liked someone it can take a long time to feel alright again, so you just need to do things you like, have a laugh with mates and try and turn your thoughts around to positives and cut out the ones that are toxic to your life.

    One day you will realize you feel better, and will be ready to meet someone new.

    And perhaps one day when the feelings for her are gone you could be freinds. Perhaps not.

    Good luck xx

    • Thank you. I appreciate the long response. I have basically been trying to focus on other things like working out and volunteering. I have run into her the street (she was alone) and I smiled and moved on quickly. However, I would prefer to avoid where I think she will be, especially if she is with someone else. I think my friends know her dating status, won't tell me, and I dare not to ask.

    • No probs. I think you should reconsider the friends situation. Getting advice on here is for opinion, doesn't mean they are right. Go with your gut, you may regret not having these freinds in the future when you feel better about the situation with your ex.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Well I have had two long term break ups the first one was very hard to get over, in fact I couldn't stop thinking until I met my recent ex and eventually I fell in love with him and got over the first. The second one was much easier, not because I wasn't sad etc but because I had wanted it to end for quite some time. It was because the first break up I was dumped and I did not want it to be over is what made me realize that to get over someone, you a) NEED to WANT to get over them. you actually need to be happy to be without them. not be wishing things had worked out. so you need to shape your mind to genuinely feel this not just pretending to. and b) you need to have things to look foward to, and even if you have no one else to date just having small flings or having someone you have a crush on or can think about instead of them can help.

  • Not sure really. I was in a similar situation, but I just completely cut him off and never see him or speak about him. I deleted him on Facebook and deleted all connections. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her. And you know what after seeing my ex move onto someone else after only 4 weeks, I can safely say it hurts really bad. Just move on and don't look back. it will do you no favours.

    • Thanks. I think I will try to keep my friends who happen to know her while at the same time do my best to avoid her, and to never, ever ask about her.

  • ignore that bitch! move on no need to suffer when she don't even give a damn about you. keep your circle of friends except find someone new and much better and move on show her how happy you are without her! that should be enough to burn her ass!


What Guys Said 2

  • Are you dating someone else? Are you trying to date someone else?

    • Well, I tried dating someone else, but it was a rebound. I realized that it I was till hung up on my ex, and so it didn't work out. I am currently not dating anyone nor am I really trying. I am kicking myself that if I didn't start trying to date and my ex finding about it, I may have still had a chance with her. But she dumped me, and she was flirting with a guy in front of me. I was hurt and upset, so I went other with other girls. But, now I almost wish I had laid low.

    • Show All
    • Thanks. I do appreciate the comments. I am actually trying to concentrate on other things, like working out and trying to improve my career. In the meantime, I do not want to come off as desperate so I am not really trying to date someone at the moment.

      I am feeling better than a year ago when I was really depressed. I think avoiding her helps. But, I am not sure how much longer I can do that if I stay within my current community.

      Do I leave these friends?

    • Well, a friend is an invaluable resource. I wouldn't end my friendship with the ones you have. However, perhaps it might be worth it to limit contact until such time as you are ready. In the meantime, increase your circle of friends. If you say you're feeling better than a year ago, that's good. This also implies it's been a year since the break up. I don't think you will come off as desperate dating someone else. In fact, that's probably a good idea.. Good luck.

  • date other women and she won't matter. also dating other women will help you get her back. but its not your choice