Recently, I found myself very attracted to my group member in one of my classes. I'm not the flirty type but I enjoyed his flirting with me despite the fact he also has a girlfriend. 3 weeks in, my group mates and I went out for drinks. I sat away from him because the other day, I did tell him he shouldn't flirt with me. Unfortunately, I had far too much to drink (4 glasses of red wine). My memory is still a blur but I know we made out and had sex. I don't want to blame it on the alcohol because he had been the object of my desires for a while.
He feels completely guilty and I do too. I haven't slept a full night without waking up sweating with broken fragments of what had happened. I can't tell my boyfriend because he's so angry and vindictive that I didn't tell him I went out (he doesn''t know who I was with). It's been 4 days, the guy hasn't talked to me. He said he promises we'll talk more and get through this like adults. I haven't told anyone and I'm so angry at him.
I don't know if I should text him how I feel (about how angry and broken I am; I don't like him like that anymore) because I'm afraid to tell someone about what I did. I don't want to push him away with my constant texts, because we really need to talk about this. Despite how horrible I feel, I want to help him out with his guilt too. I know I should tell my boyfriend but I can't because I know how he is.
I'm not asking if I should tell my boyfriend, but I want to know from a guy's perspective, what is going on in his (the other guy) mind in a situation like this? Will he run away? Does he need space to clear his head? Is he afraid to talk to me?