I like my friend's ex. Is this wrong?

I like my friends ex. I'm closer to her than him though.

They had problem happen that I don't want to go into much detail about, but now they are taking a break from their relationship because she doesn't want to date unless both of them are ready to date again (clearly she's unsure about it, she has complained to me about their relationship before).

She is the only girl I can think about lately though, and she's the only person where I live that understands me.

Is this wrong? Also, how should I go about telling her I like her without ruining our friendship?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, it's wrong. They're figuring out their relationship situation at the moment. Even if they break up, they're still fresh out of a relationship and I doubt neither of them are ready to jump feet first into the next one. I don't think your friend would appreciate having you jump on her bones the minute they break up. That would show that you're tactless and that you're unable to analyze situations properly. People need time to heal from relationships, so jumping from one boat to the next will not end well. She will most likely bring her baggage directly from their relationship to yours, if you so happened to get a yes from her. And that isn't exactly an ideal way to start a relationship.

    If you really like her, you should be able to wait a while. Wait for their relationship thing to cool down, and then ASK YOUR FRIEND FIRST if it's okay if you date her. That's common courtesy. If he's a good friend who has moved on from her, he'll be able to tell you that you're allowed to pursue her. If he says no, and that he hasn't moved on yet, it's up to you whether you want to be a good friend or not.


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What Girls Said 3

  • Yes, it's wrong and very selfish.

    Ya know that thing called bro-code? Well, it's the modern day name for HONOR or in other words HIGH RESPECT. To have honor is a code of integrity: to show respect and consideration. To be sneaky, self-absorbed, and steal your friend's girl while they are on a break, trying to figure things out is the EXACT OPPOSTIE of what I just wrote.

    Telling her you like her is selfish. For what purpose? With the silent hope that she'll say she likes you too and choose you over your friend? To get it off your chest? There's really no selfless reason for you to put this girl in a sticky situation by telling her you have feelings for her. Keep it to yourself. It's not necessary for you to tell her and in all honesty, she'll probably be momentary on the timeline of your life anyway. So you'd potentially be decreasing your integrity and shitting all over your friendship for something momentary.

    • First off, I have enough decency to not make any moves until they decide whether or not they're going to get back together. And you talk about bro-code? That doesn't exist where I live. I have hung out with her 100x the amount of times I've hung out with him.

      If you talk about high respect, then it would be respectful of him to accept both of our actions, even though he might not like it. You can't say it's wrong and selfish because I have feelings for someone.

    • Show All
    • Because if they decide to not date again, then he's thrown out of the picture, and if anything happens between me and her and he get's mad at it, that's his fault for choosing to get mad at it. Shit like this happens in life. All we can control is our actions and reactions. I'm controlling when I need to back off or not. If I have no need to back off, then he can either accept it or get mad at it. That's him, not me.

    • You asked if it was wrong and I answered: yes.

  • In Aisan culture, it is not ethical ..But yeh, who care, as long as she is really your best match

  • He's her EX for a reason. Have at it, my friend.


What Guys Said 1

  • She no doubt already knows yu like her, and she trusts you since she talks to you about her boyfriend.

    Try to listen to her, make light comments, try not to be too serious around her. Flirt with her a little; pat her on the behind a couple of times. That will get her to relax and giggle, hopefully.

    • See, I have a gut feeling (which mine are usually right, I've learned to trust my gut so much) that there's something between me and her. I also feel as if we both know it's kind of wrong in a way, which is why no one is acting upon it. I'm hanging out with her Thursday though, so hopefully that goes well.

    • Gut feelings are usually right. Be spontaneous and listen well, it will work out.

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