Do I stick it out, or should I move on?

I'm not sure if I should stick around any longer and continue to try and salvage things, or if I should move on and accept it's over.

My girlfriend and I who had been together for about 2 years broke up on Thanksgiving.

The relationship started out great, she was loving, caring, I trusted her more than I've ever trusted anyone, the sex was amazing. She even scraped her money together for over a year for a week long vacation to Disneyworld for my birthday because she found out I'd never been. I could tell she truly loved me.

After about a year I thought she might be the one, and asked her to move in with me as I thought that would be a good next step.

I've struggled all my life with being Manic/Depressive and Bi-Polar, and not long after we moved in together I got hit by a nasty blow of depression. I hated my job, wasn't making enough money to pay my share of the bills, and was having health issues.

I started nosediving into depression hard and started turning to escapes like video games and drinking to hide from the problem. My girlfriend encouraged me to find new work and see a doctor about my health, and while I did try I didn't try as hard as I could. Anyone who's ever dealt with real depression knows there's a certain depth you hit where you no longer care or want to try anymore. I was borderline suicidal.

She saw I wasn't trying and began to pull away. We stopped having sex and she stopped being affectionate, this made the spiral worse.

Eventually we broke up, she was no longer attracted to me anymore, and even though I had started to pick things back up, she'd crossed that line.

I want to be clear, I do not blame her for being upset with me or frustrated, she tried longer and harder than many people would to help me, and I wasn't helping myself. This went on for months.

She knew I wanted to propose to her, and tells me she still very much wants me in her life, and still wants me to be the one to slide a ring onto her finger.

She doesn't think we should be together right now, and we should focus on ourselves. She's getting through school right now and her schedule is crazy, and I'm piecing my life back together.

She has openly admitted that she doesn't want a relationship right now, but we are casually dating again because we both hope it can work out again in the future.

Right now however I really feel like I'm the only one making an effort to maintain a shred of what we had. We don't speak unless I call, we don't do something unless I plan it etc.

Also, when if we get back together, I'm afraid of her jumping ship again if things get tough, because they will. I believe in a relationship you're a team, and you get through your struggles together. You can't just break up while it's rough and get back together when its good.

Should I cut the ties and simply move on with my life? I still love her very much.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would stick it out. I met my Boyfriend a year ago and he was suffering from depression and was healing from a nasty divorce. He pushed me a away a bunch of times only to come back and say he wanted to be friends. Well, we would try to be friends but we had too much chemistry. He ended up getting a Dr (I found the Dr. and made the appointment and even drove him to his first appointment). I went in with him and sat in the meeting for the first 10 min for support. That was about six months ago. He goes to the Dr. once a week and it has changed his life! He did a 180 and finally seems happy and in control of his life- it's amazing. My point is, if she wanted nothing to do with you she wouldn't be casually dating you. She's probably scared (as I was) to get serious with you again. You can't blame her for jumping ship because you gave up. Maybe she thought you needed a push. If you are suffering so bad you have to seek help. If you find a good Dr. I bet you will get your life back- and her back. You need to show her you are improving your life..until you are happy, you won't make her happy...and she knows that. I understand it's hard but if you are suicidal you must get help. My boyfriend was so depressed and I never thought he would get better but he did- even without medication. Don't give up on her- even if she's pulling away a bit or not being so responsive to you or committing to a full relationship- give her time and let her have that time to figure out what she wants. It's a lot to deal with when your sig other is depressed and she probably feels like you aren't ready either. Show her you love her, seek help, get better for her- trust me...if she didn't see a future with you she wouldn't be casually dating you. Stay strong and again, find a Dr. and everything will work itself out


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What Girls Said 1

  • Stick it out. You two both sound like you really care for each other still, but you two just have too much going on. Think about it: if you two were to be together again, imagine the amount of effort you two would have to put into the relationship. You have to focus on getting better, and she has school to focus on. You two just aren't ready to be together and be serious again. Yes, you want to be together, but it just isn't the right time.


What Guys Said 2

  • Sometimes relationships run their course...

    if you guys get back together you most likely run into the same problem you had b4.

    soI say move on and maybe a couple years down the line things might change.

  • She already left you in a time of great personal need. She will do the same again. Her actions show she doesn't understand the magnitude of what she did or the issues you were going through. Break away and try to find someone better.