Just found out my boyfriend's ex girlfriend was minor. Not sure how to feel about this.

Recently my newish boyfriend made the mistake of introducing me to his ex-girlfriend (trust me I was already uncomfortable with this and I think he may still have feelings for her). He told me on our first date that she had cheated on him.

Anyway after some small talk with her I found out she is still in school. My boyfriend is 25, which means when they dated she was 14 and he was 23.

I felt sickened by this and asked him what went on between them and he said they never had sex. He also told me that they met at a church and that the elders also were not comfortable with them dating.

I still do not feel comfortable about this, I just think that was too big an age gap and am little concerned that he would have been attracted to someone so young. its not like he didn't know her age either because he was the leader of the youth group and she was one of the kids he was teaching.

He is now training to be a teacher and I am just a bit concerned over all of it.

Am I overreacting or is this weird? Is he attracted to younger girls?

I know he is with me, but I am not sure he really likes being with me because he keeps bringing this girl up in conversations.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • youre right to be uncomfortable, the age gap itself isn't a big deal when you're comparing a 20 & 30 year old but the fact that she is so young and he is an adult makes him a hebephile (into young teens).

    the most disturbing part is that he is supposed to be in a position of trust and could get fired if he doesn't that same thing in an actual teaching job, I'm surprised the church supervisor didn't remove him from his position of youth group leader.

    if he introduced his ex to you he's probably doing it to make her jealous that he's over her and moved on as revenge for her cheating, he sounds immature and creepy tbh.

    this does sound like a troll post though

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    • I'm surprised everyone thinks this is a troll post, but it isn't. I know this is all very weird, but his family and her family all said it was fine for them to date, hence the reason I needed a different point of view. They were making me feel like I was the one going mad. I think the elders did try to get rid of him, but for some reason something happened and he stayed and they dated for a year. Thank you for your comment all the same :)

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What Guys Said 7

  • Um, he's pretty much a hebephile. Of course it's too big an age gap, and more than likely illegal if he had sex with her (depending on where you live).

    In ADDITION, he was in a position of power over her.

    Honestly this sounds like trolling - I am having a hard time getting into your mindset where this is appropriate on ANY level.

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    • I apologise if this does sound like trolling, but I obviously think this is all sick. However his parents and her parents apparently all agreed that it was OK for them to date. They are all church goers, so whilst I naturally believe this is wrong, when I questioned them on it, they said I was over reacting and that he should be allowed to date anyone he liked. Therefore I just wanted to check with others whether I was right or just going mad. But thank you for your support, I will be ending it.

    • Yeah, I don't think you can run fast enough from this one.

  • 1. You 'may' be over reacting (hopefully and that 'you may be overreacting' is wishful thinking to keep optimism alive)

    2. His bringing this girl up in conversations is weird

    3. Having been with a younger girl, there are good chances he may be attracted to them

    4. The age gap is no big deal but if he's compulsively into 'minors' then he may be that way when he's 50 too

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  • My dear friend,past is past. Do not spoil your present time by worrying about his past.You can not the clock back. So just enjoy his company and be happy.

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    • Yes absolutely I agree a persons past should be left there, but when he is bringing his past intentionally into our present and future then I see a problem. You can't always just block a persons past because past events do affect the future.

  • It's simple, at 14 she's to young to know what love is and at 23 he's to old not to know that she's to young to know what love is. Since she doesn't really know what love is and he's dating her (at that time) he doesn't know what love is either.

    -That's just my opinion anyways.

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  • sounds a little weird to be honest. a 23 year-old with a 14 year-old. there isn't a state in the US where that isn't illegal.

    you have to wonder what would attract him to a person who is livign an entirely different experience from him. At 23 he is an adult, at 14 she is barely even a teenager. they simply shouldn't have similar life experiences to share with each other and that would be a HUGE red flag.

    is he attracted to younger girls? I don't know if you can say that in general but he clearly was attracted to that younger girl.

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    • Very true. Apart from it being undeniably weird, I am confused by what attracted him to someone who is still just a child, who would have a child like mind. The only thing I can think is that he has just not grown up.

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    • Yeah that is fair enough. I asked my brothers and they said they found it very odd as well. Thank you for your advice. Obviously if I just can't get over it, then I will probably end things.

    • I think most people who heard the situation would find it odd and a bit difficult to stomach

  • I smell bs only because of you being almost casual about this. Age gaps normally do not matter. THIS age gap does. If I were you I would not be with him at all for moral reasons.

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    • I'm not being casual about it, that is why I have asked this question. I wouldn't bother otherwise. When everyone around you thinks that I am overreacting and his family and the girls family all agreed to them dating AND they're church goers, it is difficult to know what to think. Of course I think it is abnormal, but when everyone's opinion is different to yours it makes it confusing. Hence why I asked for other people's opinions.

    • Well then run as you know you should. forget what those weirdos think.

  • He sounds like a genius for coming up with the bright idea of introducing his current girlfriend to his ex-girlfriend (who happens to be a kiddo, at that). You pick them well...

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    • I told him I was uncomfortable with it and he said I was being stupid, so I went along anyway and just tried to be friendly. Thanks for your comment.

What Girls Said 2

  • I see why you're sickened. I don't see why you are still dating a pedophile. 23 dating a freshman in high school? That's sick.

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    • I won't be dating him any longer.

  • I'm in a similar situation.

    Well the thing is me and my boyfriend have an 8 year difference.

    When we started talking he told me his ex was 13, and he was 21 at the time

    (same age difference as us), the only difference was I wasn't a minor when he met me.

    I was at first grossed out and quick to judge him.

    But knowing that he isn't the type to hurt, or take advantage of anyone,

    and seeing that he genuinely cared for her I never judged him.

    He waited 6 years for her (after they lost contact) and literally stopped his life

    because he couldn't get over her.

    He had the mindset of a "child" and like one, was just as vulnerable as her despite

    their huge age difference.

    I think you should leave the past where it is.

    As long as he isn't preying on children leave it alone.

    He likes women your age too which is why he is with you.

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