Is it a fair reason for a man to break up when his girlfriend doesn't want kids?

Well for a long time I always thought that wanting kids was mainly a woman's thing and some men only later on said yes only to comfort the woman.

I got the surprise when it caused a break-up in my last relationship several months ago. I don't have any urges to ever have kids while I kind of knew he did wanted one day but thought of it as a ''Maybe he didn't mean it''. He overheard a conversation I was having with a female friend about never wanting kids and making jokes about it.

Then he started acting differently and I asked him why. He said about not knowing this in me and how it was a deal-breaker for him so we break up. And we've been dating for about 10 months so it really surprised me that was worth breaking up.
Updates:
I didn't think some men naturally wanted kids just he wants that (not because the woman mentions it first; I didn't).

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It certainly is a fair reason. I want kids, and would break up with any woman that didn't. It is harder for men to have kids than women. A woman even has the option of finding a guy, she knows doesn't want kids, so she can have a kid, and not be stuck with the guy for the rest of her life. Men have to find a woman that wants kids, and then as a result of her wanting to keep the kid will be connected to that woman for the rest of his life. So even guys that want kids, fear having children with the wrong woman, more than women fear having children with the wrong man.

    This biological difference then spreads the stereotypes that men don't want children, but women do. This same stereotype is likely the reason he stayed in the relationship for so long. He figured you most likely did want kids since you are a woman.

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What Guys Said 7

  • I think it depends i mean if you mean you NEVER or wanna wait way too long yo have kids than sure its reasonable for him to break up cause suprise man/boy like kids too (i am one of em)but if you just wanna wait for awhile more or you have a good reason than i dont think its a good reason for him to break up with you and also not a good reason if your guy are like teens like srsly why the hell would he/she want a kid at 15 or sth?? that's stupid so yeah ??

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  • It's completely fair. I want to have children (2+) and will end relationships with women who feel otherwise.

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  • sure it's fair. if a person wants children and their partner doesn't that can be a relationship non-starter...absolutely.

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  • It's completely a deal-breaker. And it's completely "fair". Yes, some guys want kids.

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  • Yes, it's a fair reason. You're not entitled to a man and great sex without any of the responsibility.

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  • I want a kid when I get older.

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  • That's an unfair stereotype as many or even most men want kids, especially as they mature. I think it's a very fair reason to break up.

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What Girls Said 6

  • If a perfectly good reason to break up. If two people want different things out of a relationship its bound to end anyway so why drag it out? Wanting to have and raise children isn't a woman thing it a nurture thing which can come from either sex.

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  • I'm curious as to how old you are? It says 18-24, if your more close to 24 then yah it is probably a deal-breaker as the guy is probably wanting kids in the relatively near future.

    Where as if you are closer to 18, it may be further in the future he is thinking of having kids. I myself am 19 and want absolutely nothing to do with kids, but maybe when I get older and if the right guy comes along, who knows what I might want.

    Did he just say, you don't want kids and I do, so lets break up? If it wasn't discussed any further I feel that it was an unfair decision to not hear your reasons for not wanting children. But yeah, a lot of guys do want children and a lot don't, just like girls.

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  • Humans are here to reproduce. It's the most normal thing in the world to want to have kids. It's a basic urge. That's what sex is for.
    If he wants to break up with you, the it's reason enough.

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  • Yes.

    I'm sorry girl, I know this must hurt, but in all honesty: it is a fair reason for him to break up with you. There are men out there who would make phenomenal fathers and it's such an unfair injustice to deprive them of that. While some men may not know how to verbalize that, I think that's what turns them off. They feel like you are depriving them of a major life experience.

    While you've made this decision, have you thought about how frustrating and painful it may be for him farther down the road to witness his family and friends having children and know that he will never get to feel that experience? He probably felt like it was in his best interest, emotionally, to cut things off before he started to resent you. : /

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  • As heartbreaking as it may be, it's definitely a deal-breaker.

    You will only feel miserable in the relationship, because he will always bring it up and urge you to comply. There will be fights. There will be tears.

    At the end of the day, you would have broken up eventually, because you weren't able to fulfill his desire for having an offspring. Why would you want to be with someone, who would constantly nag you about not living up to your "womanly duties"?

    I'm in a relationship with someone, who has no desire of having kids anytime soon, if ever, so I'm completely happy with that. Perhaps both of us may change our minds in the future, but right now we just want to live happily with no distractions and build an awesome future together.

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  • Yea, I'd say that's a very valid reason for a break up. To have or not to have kids is one of the biggest decision you'll make in your life. If the person you are dating doesn't want kids and you do, what are you supposed to do? Just give up on having kids? No, you end the relationship and find another partner who is like minded with you in this department. Of course men want kids! Not all of them, but a lot of them want kids now or at some point in their future.

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    • I agree. Some men may feel like they are being denied of an experience that is essential to their manhood.

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