How to behave after the break-up?

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years because we were headed to a point of moving in together and he didn't make any efforts to look for an apartment or give me hope that he was being proactive.

We both still love each other very much and its heartbreaking but I'm 25 and can't keep devoting my energy to a relationship that doesn't promise me a future. There is an open place in my heart, if he should ever get his act together then I would consider getting back with him but I can't wait anymore.

What should I do? I can't imagine him not being in my life but I can't hold out for him anymore as his girlfriend.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm a firm believer that about 90% of relationships can be saved through better communication. In my very humble opinion,I don't see a strong importance of moving in together if the LOVE is there. Some people don't want to move in together because legend has said that things go down hill from there. Some people still want there independence even though they are in a long term relationship. I am unsure of your boyfriends hesitance,but I also don't believe in trying to force someone to make that move especially since you are still young. I'm assuming he is around your age? Having "space" is healthy.

    HOWEVER...

    If this is what you want...then there might be some compatibility issues. If you want someone on that same page as progressing towards bigger things in the relationship,then...maybe you should find someone with a similar mindset.

    Final Opinion:

    I find that women are often in such a RUSH and they give ultimatums and then when they are older and not pulling guys like they use to,they settle or have regrets concerning past relationships. You never said this guy would never marry you. You never said this guy would never move in with you. It seems like he just doesn't WANT to right NOW and honestly don't think he should be forced. So you broke up because he is not on YOUR schedule. Girl,if the love is there...dont lose a good thing! If you love him to death then act like it. Relationships are about compromise...relationships are work on behalf of both people. Pushing him away to get YOUR way will in turn probably just make him bitter in the future...i guarantee it. Find out why he is hesitant,and better yet gain PATIENCE. I don't think your time table is altogether fair,and its very hurtful to break up with someone over this. Whether or not he will come back? Who knows? I feel like you made a rash decision.

    good luck.

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  • You can't hold out for someone that won't try and make it work or commit, your time is NOW, right NOW, and this is your chance to meet a guy that's going to want to make that commitment to you and want you all to himself. Realize that you will both always forever remember each other because you were together for three years which is a long time. But move on, he didn't commit and it's not fair to make you wait and waste your years for him. I would suggest taking some time of separation and letting him know that you'd like to be out of contact for a couple months so that you have time to heal. Break ups are hard but you're going to be okay, make sure that you keep yourself busy, and don't go to place that you used to hang out, don't open wounds you know? It's okay to be sad and cry about the loss of the relationship but after you're done, stand up and wipe your tears away. Do something for yourself! Get a haircut! Go join a book club! Do Zumba with friends! Go sightseeing or on a trip, but ENJOY your time now, you're free, and it's time for you to meet someone else, someone new that will give you what you need and you in turn, give them the same. Keep your head up okay? You'll find your Prince Charming, this guy was just the pumpkin ride to the ball alrighty?

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  • some things ARE indeed deal breakers and I actually broke it off with my ex too, he was 27/28 years old and... he had a lot of things he could have improved on

    that being said, I feel some things do need attention and priority, especially when you've communicated to him already what you want and what you both need to do.

    I did that with my ex and it just was falling on deaf ears. I loved him, but I realize I can't be with someone who's always at the same spot always or not even putting effort in either. Also in other things, he was lacking.

    it is what it is

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