My boyfriend cheated on me I don't know if I should forgive him or not

I met this perfect guy and what was so perfect about him was his imperfections and his imperfections had seemed to fit in so much with mine because to tell you the truth he's not the best looking guy out there he's a normal 6 but they're something about him that makes all the girls want him so anyway we've been dating for about 2 months now and I was/ am-kinda completely head over heels for him at first I wasn't really attracted to him but I don't know something just happened and we started dating and he's always like "I can't believe you're mine" and stuff like that but recently we were at a pub together and this girl walked up to us and introduced herself and he kinda got a little shakey anyway I asked how they knew each other and she was like "oh we hooked up once" and I was like oh okay (I didn't mind cause I thought this happened before we started dating) but the second she said that he freaked out and said we should get out of here and the girl went ohh shit. Anyway when we came back I asked him what it was about why'd he freak out and then suddenly he just broke down crying and kept saying he's sorry he's sorry. He told me he was drunk one night and she was there all sobby and stuff and was complaining about her life and he was comforting her then suddenly she came on to him and he just wanted to make her feel better (he kind of has mom issues) this happened like after a week and a half when we started dating anyway I started pushing him away when he kept trying to hug my all while sobbing his eyes out. I kind of threw him out of the apartment I was so mad and told him I never want to see him again and stuff. he stayed out there for about 2 hours then finally gave up and left but I have like 20 messages on my cell and a gazillion calls from him right now. What should I do? I mean once a cheater always a cheater right? My dad cheated on my mom a lot that's why before my boyfriend any guy who wouldve cheated on me I wouldve sucker punched him and left him in a second but I don't know... should I move on? should I forgive him? he keeps calling me after every hour and I keep rejecting it I don't know what to do


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Forgive, but do not excuse.

    He did something wrong, and you're right - people rarely have a habit of growing stronger morals, but weaker ones over time. I would not continue to date him, but I would call him to say that you:

    1) Forgive him

    2) Think you both want different things out of life

    3) While it was fun while it lasted, you do not see this working out long term

    4) I am not mad at you, but only disappointed with the situation

    5) Thank you for the apologies. I have accepted them, forgive you, but cannot excuse what you've done by continuing to date you.

    Now if it were ME, and it was the very first weekish of dating, I would be very forgiving, because at that point - we would have just been getting to know each other. If he was a fantastic boyfriend to me and I couldn't imagine him doing that now, and he was apologizing because he felt bad for me and not so much for himself, I might consider gettting back with him. I don't usually get very jealous though (maybe because I've never gone through a cheater experience), but I would like to think it wouldn't bother me as much as most people seem to react. However, in your case, you seem to be pretty hurt by all this, and I don't think the relationship would ever be normal again after this kind of blow up. You're both better off starting again with different people.

    Forgive = acknowledging wrong and accepting it with grace = granting mercy

    Excusing = acting like nothing bad ever happened.

    Grant him mercy. He obviously feels terrible, even if it is for selfish reasons. Grant him the mercy of knowing he is forgiven and having closure. Then move on.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • I agree with you, I feel I might be able to get over it if it happened so early in the relationship. Just listen to your gut if you think he is truly sorry.

    • This.

      Doing something right means you know the opposite was wrong. Maybe he didn't understand it at first.

      I wouldn't say it's impossible not to make it work, but I doubt it's worth the effort and time, especially while we're young.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Move on. Cheating is something that should not be forgiven. I don't even have to read the excuses he has used or the apologies or why you think it is okay to forgive a cheater. He doesn't respect you enough to be loyal. Respect is everything, even when you are being dirty and naughty respect should still be present.

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    • And there is always the fear of a cheater giving you an STI or having a baby with someone else. A cheater isn't worth dying for.

  • I honestly didn't read your entire post but I still try to give you some advice from several years of professionally accompanying couples in marriage counselling.

    Forgiveness is a good thing and of course I would recommend people to try their best to find their strength to forgive - it surely takes more strength than taking revenge and/or run away. But forgivness can only be part of a process in a relationship jeopardized by cheating. There are reasons why it happened and it's most important to find them. Many relationships could be fixed if people would want to and get some help (sometimes you just need the opinion of somebody who's not personally/emotionally involved).
    Cheating is normally the last step before breaking up anyway. The cheating partner has unconsciously already made up his mind but consciously still clings to the relationship - it's never easy to give up something we are used to.
    But even in a case where cheating already happened it's still possible to fix the issues - even though it's going to be really hard work and taking quite a while (at least several months).

    So the actual question is not, whether you should forgive him or not, but whether you and he still want to continue your relationship. What made you come together at first? What plans did you have together? Unfortunately many people nowadays don't plan for a lifetime anymore, which is really sad. But if you did so, then this is probably the end you expected anyway. If you're lucky enough to have made lifetime-plans with him, then it's about time to get some professional help.

    Forgivneess from both parts (you made your mistakes as he made his) will be part of this process - given you want it - but not the only thing to consider.

    Make up your mind. Forgiveness will

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What Girls Said 4

  • I usually believe in giving a second chance but I wouldn't do it if someone cheated on me. This one is unforgivable and him being drunk is no excuse. Try to forgive him because it is the right thing to do but don't take him back.

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    • it's unforgettable* But everything can be forgiven I think.

  • My question is why'd he wait till the situation presented itself, Instead of just coming clean. I'm not saying don't forgive him bc the relationship is brand new, but proceed with caution. DO NOT under any circumstance attempt to move forward with unresolved issues. If you still want to be with him communicate, communicate, communicate. Don't be afraid to talk through the situation. Ask anything u feel u need answered (pertaining to him cheating) ad nauseum, until u are comfortable moving forward, even if the questions make u both squirm. But once you do move forward, be sure ur doing just that moving forward, you cannot dwell on the hurt he caused in the past bc you'll wind up regretting and resenting ur future. I've been in that place ur in now. It's no fun. But it can be done. I've been married almost 13 years after the fact.

    I hope all works out for u hun. Best of luck.

    Luv,
    Rosie

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  • He cheated on you he made the choice forget about him move on.

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  • This is definitely a hard choice.

    I disagree with, "once a cheater always a cheater".

    People have the ability to change.

    But how would you know if you don't give him a chance ?

    My advice to you is,

    really think about the situation and give yourself time before you make a decision.

    Other people may do you wrong, but you will always do yourself right.

    Whatever decision you make is right because you made that choice according to yourself.

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