in Novembre I got to know a great guy from my studies. I liked him immediately and so did he. He is my best friend since then. I feel like I've kknown him my entire life and will know him forever. But somehow we started a love affaire.
I love them both - my wonderful boyfriend and my best friend. They have both their qualities: with the one I can talk about everything, the other one adores me and we had such a good time till now. my boyfriend didn't notice anything, but my best friend tells me to make a decision now. I fear that if I tell him I only want friendship with him, I will lose one of the most wonderful persons I've ever met.
I need your help! Shall I tell m boyfriend everything with the aim to fix the problem with him together or - if I wanna stay with him a shall I not say a word? How can I keep my best friend? Shall I really stay with my boyfriend? I'm just 18, he's a great guy but I dont't know if he's the guy for my entire life...
Most Helpful Guy
You've got a couple of choices to make, for sure.
First you have to decide what you want. My advice: imagine 3 months from now, which guy would you feel happiest with?
Once you make that decision, my advice is to not look back. Break it off with the other one, entirely.
The friend you are having an affair with has decided that he is done being someone you are cheating with, and wants the real thing. So you can choose him over your boyfriend, or it's through.
While I'm sure you wish there were a way it could be true, you will not be able to remain friends with both of these men.
If you end it with the man you are cheating with, my advice is to not tell your boyfriend about it. A lot of people may disagree with that. I think a lot of people would like to see you suffer for cheating. This isn't about what is right or wrong, what justice should be, what other people think you deserve.
This is about what you want. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, then telling him about this accomplishes what? Honesty? That sounds great. In reality it will cause pain. He will be hurt. And since this is about what *you* should do for yourself, he may choose to break up with you. Telling him about it is not in your best interest. I have my doubts as to whether it makes his life any better, either.
However, it sounds like your relationship with the friend you are having an affair with is the stronger, more passionate of the two relationships right now.
You are 18 years old. You say you are not sure your boyfriend is the person you want to live your whole life with. I suspect you actually, in your heart somewhere, know that he is not, at least not right now, or you would not have brought that up.
This person you are having an affair with sounds like the person that makes you happy.
Your boyfriend sounds like someone you don't want to hurt.
As you describe it, your boyfriend has done nothing wrong to deserve to be hurt.
Guess what? That doesn't matter.
These are relationships, and they aren't about what is fair or right.
They are about what is right for you.
That is the best decision you can make, and the only decision you should make.
The same goes for the other person in the relationship. They should make decisions based on what is right for them.
One of the reasons I believe relationships are so special is that somehow it turns out that two people making their own selfish decisions end up doing the most unselfish thing imaginable: being in a relationship.
So the bad news is that this will not be easy. You will feel pain. Someone else will also be hurt.
No matter what decision you make, this will happen.
That I am afraid is part of life. Do what you have to do, and don't look back.
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