I've cheated on my boyfriend. Shall I tell him about it or not?

I've cheated on my boyfriend and I really don't even know why. We've been a couple for almost two years. We always had something special, something more than normal.

in Novembre I got to know a great guy from my studies. I liked him immediately and so did he. He is my best friend since then. I feel like I've kknown him my entire life and will know him forever. But somehow we started a love affaire.

I love them both - my wonderful boyfriend and my best friend. They have both their qualities: with the one I can talk about everything, the other one adores me and we had such a good time till now. my boyfriend didn't notice anything, but my best friend tells me to make a decision now. I fear that if I tell him I only want friendship with him, I will lose one of the most wonderful persons I've ever met.

I need your help! Shall I tell m boyfriend everything with the aim to fix the problem with him together or - if I wanna stay with him a shall I not say a word? How can I keep my best friend? Shall I really stay with my boyfriend? I'm just 18, he's a great guy but I dont't know if he's the guy for my entire life...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You've got a couple of choices to make, for sure.

    First you have to decide what you want. My advice: imagine 3 months from now, which guy would you feel happiest with?

    Once you make that decision, my advice is to not look back. Break it off with the other one, entirely.

    The friend you are having an affair with has decided that he is done being someone you are cheating with, and wants the real thing. So you can choose him over your boyfriend, or it's through.

    While I'm sure you wish there were a way it could be true, you will not be able to remain friends with both of these men.

    If you end it with the man you are cheating with, my advice is to not tell your boyfriend about it. A lot of people may disagree with that. I think a lot of people would like to see you suffer for cheating. This isn't about what is right or wrong, what justice should be, what other people think you deserve.

    This is about what you want. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, then telling him about this accomplishes what? Honesty? That sounds great. In reality it will cause pain. He will be hurt. And since this is about what *you* should do for yourself, he may choose to break up with you. Telling him about it is not in your best interest. I have my doubts as to whether it makes his life any better, either.

    However, it sounds like your relationship with the friend you are having an affair with is the stronger, more passionate of the two relationships right now.

    You are 18 years old. You say you are not sure your boyfriend is the person you want to live your whole life with. I suspect you actually, in your heart somewhere, know that he is not, at least not right now, or you would not have brought that up.

    This person you are having an affair with sounds like the person that makes you happy.

    Your boyfriend sounds like someone you don't want to hurt.

    As you describe it, your boyfriend has done nothing wrong to deserve to be hurt.

    Guess what? That doesn't matter.

    These are relationships, and they aren't about what is fair or right.

    They are about what is right for you.

    That is the best decision you can make, and the only decision you should make.

    The same goes for the other person in the relationship. They should make decisions based on what is right for them.

    One of the reasons I believe relationships are so special is that somehow it turns out that two people making their own selfish decisions end up doing the most unselfish thing imaginable: being in a relationship.

    So the bad news is that this will not be easy. You will feel pain. Someone else will also be hurt.

    No matter what decision you make, this will happen.

    That I am afraid is part of life. Do what you have to do, and don't look back.

    Good luck!

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    • Worst advice ever. You should be banned. Why shouldn't he know? He should do he can find someone better. Hopefully whoever you date cheats on you and doesn't tell you. If you ever find out maybe you'll realize you wish had known sooner.

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    • what a selfish answer, this really is awful advice. it might not make the boyfriends life better in the short term as he will be debastated but he deserves to know the truth and he deserves to be with someone who wouldn't cheat on him not remain ignorant while his girlfriend has an affair behind his back and could do so again in the future seeing as she best answered this rubbish to help her justify her actions

    • I get it - you hate my answer. What would your answer be? The question was not "in what ways am I a bad person?" The question was not "what does my boyfriend deserve?" The question was "what should I do." There are cases to be made for telling him. I can think of them myself. My advice in this case was not to. Not based on whether she deserves to be punished, or her boyfriend deserves better. Based on the best course of action, for her, in this situation.

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What Guys Said 9

  • "I've cheated on my boyfriend and I really don't even know why. We always had something special, something more than normal"

    This is why I have no faith in girls. They cheat just because of it and never know why they do. They just do...Pathetic

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  • You should leave them both. I would never want to date a girl that already had a boyfriend, that would make me a jerk. If you love that other guy, then you don't love your boyfriend. If you truly love someone, you'll never look at anyone else.

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  • Yes you should tell him. He deserves to know what a bitch his girlfriend is.

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  • Wow , that is so young to think about being with someone forever . I think you should tell him and let him know , maybe still can be friends but be realistic that you wanted someone else so perhaps you want to explore your sex life more before settle down with someone .

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  • No judgments here. People make mistakes. But yes, you do have to make a decision. Do you love your b enough to completely cut this guy out o your life and never see or speak to him again. If you don't than end it with him now.

    If your just going to end it, don't bother telling him about it. It'll only make it worse for him.

    I you want to stay with your bf, you first need to get rid o te "friend." I guarantee he doesn't see you as a friend. He like you and wants more.

    If you choose to stay, Should you tell your bf? That's a tough question. Do you want to constantly have a trust issue between you? Or do you want to constantly have a lie between you.

    I say to confess, be 100% honest about everything and fully answer anything he asks you. He deserves to be kept I'm the light not in the dark. If he decides to keep you than you'll have to work on rebuilding trust, so only do it if its worth it to go through shitty times to make it work.

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  • No, just keep cheating on people. If it's what makes you happy, just don't let regent fonu

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  • I think you are gonna have to BA Passion_Prevails

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  • Yuppp definitely

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  • Yes tell him, if he finds out it'll be worse trust me. Saying it from experience

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What Girls Said 7

  • I can honestly relate to this situation, although somewhat different, but in any case, I know Exactly what you are going through. And I can honestly tell you with all my heart and soul, it is the most difficult decision in your life you will ever have to make. You need to pray for guidance at this point in time, you are definitely going to need it. However, let me try and assist you, if I can.
    You say you have this "wonderful" boyfriend, but just stop yourself right there, and think about That, firstly. If he was "all that," then why are you Suddenly in the arms of another, even labeling this "study buddy" as---best friend? Good question, logical one. Can you honestly answer it---Honestly?
    The way I see it, no, you shouldn't tell your current cutie you are having a fling with your friend or even Mixed signals. Let sleeping dogs lie at the moment. I also think you should separate yourself from Both of them for awhile, and do some serious soul searching. You need to think about your relationship with your Main Drain, and what you have Now added on as an "extra line" since November. You are in what I always refer to as a "triangle trio" relationship, and in the end, someone, often all three, will end up getting hurt. And no one will win, so you need to make the correct choice. You're dealing with two innocent hearts here. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
    You Are Only 18, so I can understand in some respects how Big a responsibility this is for you, having to be in this triangle turbo. And having to think about choosing one over the other, possibly losing the guy whom you have been a couple with for nearly two years. But there must have been Something that prompted You to start up another "relationship," and I think it has something to do with you finding a bit More in common with your "study buddy" than with your wonderful boy wonder. Perhaps You are missing this "Friends with benefits" with him.
    You need to decide.. take some time. xx

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  • I think you should, if you love him you should be honest w him and let him decide if he wants to continue being w you. You had made the decision to cheat so I think that he deserve to make the decision of staying with you or not.

    Answer my qn?

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  • Yes, you should let him know. Someone is going to get hurt, regardless. But truth is better than being lead on.

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  • Hi Sweetie,
    I know what you are going through. You aren't a bad person.
    If you like message me so we can talk about it.
    I went through something similar.

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  • I think he should leave your bf if you're going to cheat on him. He deserves a girl who won't cheat.

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  • You should absolutely tell him what's going on.

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  • You should leave your boyfriend. I can understand that things like this happen sometimes, but clearly you don't love him enough to be loyal. So you two will eventually break up regardless. You will eventually either break up or get married, and do you really want to marry someone you already cheated on? No, and he doesn't want to either. It's best to leave him and try things out with the other guy perhaps or be single a while.

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