Do girls break up with guys with the intention they'll really change? Getting mixed signals!?

My ex and I dated for oberst a year and a half, we hit it off very quick, she was my dream girl and me her guy, I moved in very fast, we were inseparable. Around 6 months ago I lost my job, started drinking a lot, work side jobs here and there, it got to the point drinking took over me, I was relying on my girlfriend to take care of me including borrowing money for rent. It escalated even more to the point were I was taking money to buy beer while she worked, she would come home and I would be drunk and lie about taking money. (Mega dick bag boyfriend I was). We'll we would have talks about me changing and I would say I would, never did, until finally she had enough! She broke up with me, I quickly changed, got sober (day 32 now), got a job and have started paying her back. We only went a week without talking and I brought up possibly reconciling at some point, she said she wouldn't be talking to me if she wasn't interested. We continued to talk, see eachother, she is smiley and her texts messages border flirty. Last week, I poured my emotions out and she said she sill has bitter feelings towards me, but her actions say other wise, she wants to be friends and I voiced my concern about either one of us drifting apart, she said it's a risk we have to take. She even invites me over to take care of my acne (strange but true), even when my face is clear she takes it as a time to get a little closer, then she plays it off as if 'someone has to take care of it.' All of her past boyfriends have cheated on her and a friend of hers said that she is just wanting to see if I'll change, which I have very very much considering where I was over a month ago. So my question, do girls break up with guys they do want to be with, in hope they actually do change? And I know I can't bring up relationship talk with her, but I want to move forward with the process of reconciling, even though she says she's hurt, her actions say other wise! PLEASE HELP!
And ladies, is it normal to be bitter with an ex but still be sweet and talk to them and entertain the fact of reconciling? She also said it's hard for her to see me bc it hurts, yet seems like she wants to see me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • No man. They don't do that. They break up to get away for whatever reason. Maybe cuz they don't love you but in this case it sounds like it was your alcoholism. She told you she was bitter? That's the nail in the coffin dude. Maybe you're lucky and she'll get over it because she's open minded and has seen you've changed. My experience tells me that she won't. She's going to be too damn bitter and resentful of you. She'll always be pissed off at you.

    You can try going after her for a month and see where it goes. I'm telling you- if you don't have her by then, it's over. Personally, I don't keep ex's as friends for the reasons you've exemplified. It makes this confusing and keeps up hope... you start questioning things... better to just move on.

    • But congrats on changing your life around man. You'll find another girl.

    • Yea I mean it's weird, normally I'd just walk away from break ups. This one though involved marriage talk, she stuck by me and eventually just had enough. It feels like we get closer in some aspect everyday, but no progress in reconciling. I figure why would she want to see or talk to me if she's still bitter. Like I said she says it, but def doesn't act like she's bitter at all! Thanks for the congrats man!

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What Girls Said 1

  • i dont believe in that but many, MANY girls has told me to break up with bf to see if he'll change because at that point he'll know what he'll be missing out on and he'll finally realize what he's done wrong.
    but i disagree of course cause a relationship isn't a game. you dont break up just so a person can change, its like forcing them to even though they know they dont have to. its kinda like guilt tripping them lol. if they werent willing to do it during the time you were together, then thats how they want to be. but in a way it does make sense. a bad bf leads to a break up. but if youve already broken up... there's no where to go but back up.

    • That is a good point. She has told me post break up that she loves me, but doesn't like me for what I became. We never really dealt with it head on when we were together, but as soon as we broke up I changed real quick! I know the whole friends thing is kind of BS bc were in like a phase that's not really friends, but not in a relationship either... it's weird. Thanks for your input!

What Guys Said 2

  • They break up with you cos either they found someone else or cos they lost attraction for you. Women are opportunistic, my friend.

  • I would imagine she broke it off because the relationship was beyond repair. I wouldn't see her going back to you because she could also worry that you'll go back to drinking and being jobless again if she feels like you'd go back down that path. Plus she was paying your rent too. If a girl's really going to break up with someone "in hopes he'll change" that's a red flag in my opinion. Someone having that kind of belief that she's so valuable that a guy would dare not think of losing her she's not worth anyone's time and will only attract a player who would use her for sex.


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