Is my ex girlfriend fishing for something more from me?

About a month and a half ago my ex broke up with me because I was headed down a bad path, I was drinking way to much, not working, pretty much being someone who I'm not. I've done really great since the break up, working my ass off, have gone stone cold sober, started paying back money I owed her. After the break up she told me she still loved me, she has a void, but she still has the images of who I was when we broke up. Last week I poured my heart out to her and she told me that she doesn't know about our future and to just keep things friendly for the mean time. I know she's not dating or even leaving her house other than to go to work. We still talk everyday, sometimes she crosses the boundaries of friendship a little bit. So Saturday night we texting and she made some comments that required a sweet comeback and nothing more, I played it cool, she seemed dejected. So we didn't talk all day yesterday until last night when she texts me before work, she was wondering why I haven't text her all day. Last night when she got off work she texts me and said something along the lines of I didn't know if you were mad or on a date. I kind of figured that she would know I'm not dating, being I told her a week ago that I love her and hope we can be together again. She was relieved that I wasn't mad at her, which I have nothing to be mad at. So what does this all mean? I'm stuck in a spot where I told her I would keep things friendly. What do I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I would keep it friends for a while yet.

    The "void" is it because she actually misses you? Or, is it because she hasn't found someone else?
    Besides the drinking issues and related problems. How was the relationship otherwise? What were the "boundaries of friendship" she crossed? was she asking personal questions about things that are none of her business?

    Congratulations with your progress so far it's a big step for you.

    A big part of your decision should be in regards to your drinking. Now this is coming from a dry alcoholic, who had a huge and I mean huge drinking problem. But I've been clean 13 1/2 years. :-)
    Because there were some problems in the relationship, you don't want to put yourself in a position that may cause you to start drinking again. I'm not down playing your progress because it is commendable, but 6ish weeks is not a big amount of time. Why did you get sober? Did you decide I need to get my sh*t together? Or was it more for her?

    You don't need to answer these questions here. These are things you should ask yourself.

    Definitely keep the friendship. But I'd give it 2 or 3 more months before deciding whether you want to give the relationship another try.


Recommended Questions


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Sweetie, it sounds to me as though you Both still have a lot of feelings for one another, and by keeping things lite and semi sweet for now, is building and---nurturing---what could become in the future a-------Much Better and happier partnership again.
    Although you want to "keep things friendly," she probably is scared to get into anything heavy at the moment, and simply feels safe with the tender talking and texting. And although she Does cross the lines of friendship just a bit, there is no harm in this. She is in her own haven of heaven, comfy right now.
    At this point in time, take things slow, and even if there is some flaunting and flirting, it's a good way to----begin the beguine.
    I have to commend you for all your hard work. You deserve the very best in life. And here is a good woman who has stayed by your side, and is definitely a winner in my eyes as well.
    Good luck. xx

    • Thank you for the nice and enlightening words! I think you may have hit the nail on the head!

    • You are so very welcome, and I have "hit many a nail," believe me.. Glad to have been here for you.. xx

What Guys Said 1

  • Well here's what you have to go with. You show her that you're back on the right path, show her what you've done and accomplished, and ask her if she wants to try again. If she's not willing to, then you have to move on. She's already told you she wants to wait, I guess the detemining factor is how long you want to wait.

    • Yea, good words man. She did tell after our one whole week of NC, that she wouldn't be talking to me if she didn't want to reconcile (at some point). Knowing her I know I'm going to have to make the move to reconcile because she won't pull the trigger, that's what makes my situation a little sticky, that's why with some of her text it seems like she's fishing for something more than playing it cool. The date comment really threw me for a loop with her!

    • Yeah, talking to her should clear that up.

Recommended myTakes