I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. We get along great most of the time, but he drinks more than I see ok. He's an alcoholic in my book. Goes to the bar about 4-5 days a week, spent about $500+ at the bar last month, he blackouts and I'm enemy number one when he's like that. But when he's sober things are great. But I'm ready to settle down, getting married and start a family and he says he's not out of his party stage yet. Mind you we are both 28 years old. So when is enough, enough? Do I hold on in hopes that he'll grow out of it or do I leave?
Most Helpful Girl
I am so sorry that u have to live with an addict. But the fact remains that YOU ARE NOT HIS NUMBER 1. Alcohol is. 5 years is a looooong time to not come above all else. Unfortunately he has not hit his bottom and he won't realize how serious the situation, and u are, until he loses u. And honestly losing u might not be his bottom especially since I'm sure he knows that it's causing issues in ur relationship. U said it urself he's not done partying but u want to settle down IMHO that right there tells u all u need to know. Ur in love with the thought of the man u once knew. And it is exceptionally difficult when u have so much time invested in someone. You've got to stop beating around the bush, as well as babying the situation, bc as long as ur willing to accept this behavior he'll be willing to take advantage of ur love and generosity. And there's only so much ur going to tolerate before u resent urself for allowing him to tread on u.
I've dealt with addiction and I've watched addiction tear families apart. Whether it's drugs, sex/p*rn, gambling, alcohol. It's all the same - just chasing that high or excitement. But one thing is for absolute certain u cannot control the actions, or the outcome of another person's decisions. Ultimately he's going to have to want to stop on his own terms.
My suggestion to u is find some al-anon meetings around Ur area, or outside ur area if u live in a small town. Al-anon is different than AA. It's for the friends and family of alcoholics. There u can listen to different stories of how they cope with a loved one with an addiction, as well as gain support without being judged (by ur fam & friends). It's the best thing u can do right now if ur not ready to give ur man an ultimatum, or even if u are, these groups can help u find the strength to do so.
I hope everything works out for u hun. Best of luck and I'll be praying for u both.