I got out of a long term unhealthy relationship, and now I feel numb?

Him and I were together for about two years, we were engaged to be married, things went down, he broke my heart and I ended it. It's been three months, I thought I was over him, but now there's this new guy. I suppose he's alright. I don't know how my feelings lie with him, because every time something romantic happens I feel uncomfortable and disgusting. Is this cause I'm still not over my ex-fiance? Or do I just not like this guy? I feel like my past relationship is dictating my feelings and I don't know how to get past it. I know for sure I'm not in love with my ex any more, but I still feel gross when I think about other guys I might have a romantic interest in. you might even say that I have no strong opinions on any guy. like I don't like them and I don't dislike them. if that makes since. Any suggestions?


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is what I call a period of being in a "rebound relationship," where No one is good enough, you're NO good with anyone Else, and No one Else will do. It's a normal reaction after a bad break-up, but trouble is, sometimes we end up flying from the frying pan into the hot flames before we have even had a chance to lick our own stinging wounds. It's Not healthy for You, during what should Be This healing transition, and certainly Not Fair to the Other, who just so-happens to be the poor culprit.
    Right now, you are holding in a lot of bottled up feelings, some bitterness, and you need to address them, so you are able to go on and learn to love again. I realize That is Not going to be easy, at least for a long time, for you will continue, and it's never for sure how long, comparing everyone you are with to Him. And deep inside, you'll be holding this secret "Grudge" that life has thrown you this curve ball, and your "Gut instinct guard" will then be Up in front of your face, like some Umpire's Mask. Yes, you're allowing the "Past" to control your whole life now, take over your body and mind, consume every inch of your being, for you haven't moved on, you're having problems putting one foot in front of the other, and the closure you thought would come a long time ago, just hasn't arrived. You need to find this.
    I'm so sorry for your pain, for it happened to me. And even though I was just a mere girl of 16, it took me many boyfriends and much comparing to finally get over my First Love. I had initiated the break-up, and suffered the consequences of it for over 5 years, but my closure finally came, when we were able to have "One nite," which changed my whole life Once more. I had learned my feelings were different, and it was Then we were both free to Finally move on.
    Take some time for You, and do some soul searching. You need this More than anything, and stay unattached. It's safer for you, better for All... for this moment in time.
    Good luck. xx


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What Guys Said 2

  • work on you, your still healing from the past, and might not be ready. Your body could want intimetcy, but your heart and mind are still fractured. Its really not ur fault. Like the guy below, got destroy by a ex over 5 years ago, and I still dont feel like Im ok. But I do go out, and I've had relationships since then. But I remember the first girl I date after my breakup, I didn't want her just for sex but it turned that way, Plus she almost like a p*rn star, besides the point. Once I understood I was not really going to feel deep feeling for her, even though my body wanted her, my heart didn't and it should have. It took me a while to open up and be able to have a norm relationship again. everyones diff, give ur self time to figure out you. But as for the guy ur talking to, be honest with him and tell him what you feel. if ur not ready that dosent mean u always won't be ready. If u both really like each other or see something there, time is not a issue. Hope it helps a little

  • You're still healing. Time periods are different for everyone. It's been 6 years since i was completely trounced by a woman sleeping with my friend.

    I do not take on long term partners at the moment. I just do flings and one night stands. I'm numb to the experience but I'd rather be numb than wounded.


What Girls Said 2

  • Yep. You need more time as 3 months is NOT enough to get over a 2 year relationship. They say that you take the time you were together and divide that by half. That's the amount of time it would take for you to truly be past it all.

    ... doesn't mean you should take a year off from dating, but don't bother with a real relationship until you feel that you're ready to get into something serious again.

    Take some down time, regain your bearings, and try again at a later time. I don't even know why you're attempting so soon after such a bs scenario. Dating will not fix that problem. Go be single for awhile.

    • thanks for the comment. just to clear it up a bit, I'm not attempting to be with anyone. I feel people come in your life unexpectedly. he just showed up at a bad time I guess. but yes I agree, Im going to be single for a while. Its not like I have to be in a relationship cause I don't. I just hate feeling numb

    • I think the same thing- it happens when it happens.

      In regard to feeling numb, it's just part of the "mourning" process of a break up. It's normal, though crappy to deal with. Just try to keep busy, hang out with friends, etc. It all helps move through it a little easier.

  • time will heal