How do I get an Ex to back off or really tell me how he feels?

I am currently in a relationship of a year and a half that I am happy in but there is another person that is constantly on my mind, because I feel like this other person wants to make sure I am thinking about them... If that makes any sense...

A little background: I have an Ex from my first year of college (about 5 years ago), and he was my first love. Our relationship was very passionate and I will never forget it. At the time we broke up, we were both still very immature and realized it just wasn't the right time to be together.

He decided to take some time off and travel after our sophomore year, and I stayed and finished my degree. And he has always stayed in touch... not just sexually but as a friend (sometimes he even helps me with current boyfriend problems).

I've had countless relationships since then but one thing that always remains the same is that my Ex always stays in touch. Sometimes he could be in constant contact for a few months... sometimes I won't hear from him for a bit but then he will surprise me and call me just to chat like nothing has ever changed. And he will mention the pact we made that when we're 30 if we are both single we will get married, or he will jokingly ask me to elope with him and say that I am his source of optimism.

Right now is one of those times where he is in constant contact. I have a boyfriend AND he has a girlfriend but he has been calling me almost every night for the past couple weeks. Most of the time I don't answer even though I want to.

I really don't know what to do because I am happy in my current relationship, but I also feel guilty having another guy on my mind. Is there a way to ask my Ex why he has always stayed in touch and a way to get him to tell the truth? And maybe get him to back off?


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What Guys Said 2

  • at this point, just talk to him seriously about it and tell how u feel, and find out how he feels, what he's thinking and why he dose the things he dose, He prob wants u in some way but unsure, have there ever chances to get back together. Tell him ur happy and dont need this right now, and u will contact him when your ready. But get it all out, cuz once u open this box it can't be closed agian

  • Same sort of problem with my ex. You should either come straight out with it and just ask him, Or fully cut him off, ignore him completely. If he still has strong feelings for you or whatever else why he may be doing this, he'll show you why. If you cut him off (I fully understand how hard that is to do) but if you do, and he eventually just stops then maybe he was unsure of his feelings. I don't know though, every situation is different!

    • What ended up happening with you and your ex?

    • Well, we broke up only about a month ago now, she cheated, and just didn't show me any love, care, or attention whatsoever anymore, she would text me saying she loves me, i'm the only one, but it was only words, she was moving on already, flirting and probably even meeting up with these guys by now. I still love her, but i don't want to reply to all these texts, i know i'll never get over her if i do.

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