I don't think I love my gf anymore?

My gf and I have been together for 9 almost 10 years. I am 29. I honestly think we got to serious to soon. She is the only serious relationship I have had. Not that I have had many relationships though. She is also the only girl I've had sex with. However we don't see eye to eye anymore and for the last 3.5 years we just argue more than anything else. We moved in together 6 years ago. Now she still lives with me in my place. I don't think I love her anymore. I am not sexually attracted to her. We have not had sex in almost a year. No intimacy of any kind for that matter. I chose not to talk to her if I don't have to. She says she still is in love though. Do I just give up and deal so she gets what she wants or do I get a say in what I want in my life? I find myself attracted to other girls by sight obviously without knowing them. But have never begun to know anyone else. Also all my friends who are/were girls don't talk to me anymore.

Updates:
I have always thought I have never wanted to get married or have kids. But recently i have begun thinking about those two things. The majority of my friends have kids or married or getting married and so on. Is this impacting my thoughts?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Move on. If you're having ANY doubts about the relationship or your feelings for her, it is best that you part ways. One of my best friends just ended his 8 yr relationship and he was depressed and lonely at first, but in the long run it was so good for him. haven't seen him so happy in years. Also if you haven't had sex/intimacy in about a year... and you live together... it just doesn't make sense to me. Not that sex is all there is to a relationship, but it is very important. And you mentioned you're not attracted to her... there's your answer

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Thanks. I have been diagnosed with depression. How do I end it? I have told her I am not attracted to her and we need to part ways. But she doesn't think I am serious.

    • It would be helpful if she/you moved out. She might be in denial and is hoping your feelings will come back. I dont know for sure but as a female, if my boyfriend of 10 years told me he wanted out I would feel like all that time I spent with him will go to waste. I made the mistake of staying in a relationship I didn't want and it made me even more resentful. The only reason I stayed with him for another year was because I didn't want the other 3 to go to waste.. And I guess I was trying to fix something that couldnt be fixed. You should break up with her gently and in good terms asap. For me I just cut off all contact and for my friend, he was going to move to another state for school.. So it was "easier" for us.. Nine years is a long time and I've never been in a relationship longer than four... I would sit down with her and just be straightforward- tell her you don't want to stay in the relationship anymore.

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What Girls Said 3

  • You can try and get relationship counseling if you want.

    You have intermingled finances so you'll have to split up your finances.

    However you cans imply leave. You not even 30 yet. IT won't be that hard to start over. You're making it far more complicated that it needs to be.

    Also you've been with her for almost 10 years and never married her or had children with her. It is safe to say that you aren't interested in either of those things, or you were never that into her.

    Just because your friends are getting married and having children doesn't mean that YOU SHOULD. Would you start doing meth if all of your friends started doing it?

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  • Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. My ex of 2 1/2 years broke up with my 7 mo ago and it broke my heart when he told me he didn't love me anymore. However, I want to be with someone who loves me completely and I them. I'm hurt and sad, and I'd rather he would have told me sooner, but if we would have stayed longer it would have hurt more.

    10 years is a long time. Are you absolutely sure you aren't in love? Have you considered couples counseling? You have to decide if you're willing to fight for your relationship (bc they do take work) or if you are ready to end things. Life is short; you should be happy. AND, if that means ending it, you're giving your gf the chance to find love again. It won't be easy; think it through bc once a breakup is initiated, things can never go back to being the same if you change your mind. Good luck!

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  • Heh, sad, how love just disappears suddenly ,

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What Guys Said 3

  • I remember going through a divorce, of my choosing, at the 9 year mark of my marriage, and it was the worst. It sucks being the person who wants to end a relationship, especially if you've been keeping things together for the sake of the other person.

    Here's my opinion:

    1) This is a scenario that you helped create, so take responsibility for being where you are in this relationship. It sounds like you didn't address your main concerns with her when you had them and now too many years have passed by. This isn't your "fault" but it is your "responsibility." You are half of the relationship and hopefully you'll walk away from this with the knowledge that it hurts less to address painful truths as they happen instead of years down the road?

    2) Since you've been together this long you can't just "walk away." This doesn't mean this relationship won't end, it just means that it's only fair to "earn your way out" but sitting down with this girl, being open and honest about how you feel, and even considering going to therapy together... if only to help her heal if the relationship ends. It's unfair to murder a relationship without putting in a responsible amount of effort into find out why it's failing.

    3) You DO deserve to be happy and it's okay if things don't work out. It's not your job to be burdened with unhappiness in order to avoid the painful conflict of a breakup, or in order to make someone else happy. So if things fall apart, and you earn your way out, then you can walk away feeling sad but not guilty.

    4) Learn what you want and need from your woman before you meet the next one, this way you'll be more choosy when dating.

    Relationships move and change and if you're unwilling to address issues as they arise the relationship will suffer, and time will be lost/wasted.

    I wish you luck and strength!

    ~ Robby

    (My Blog: https://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/ )

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  • Don't give up on something like this so easy. I was in a similar position -- and I broke up and I regret it 10 years later. If something works that long, there is a reason. The reason you fight is -- you want to fight. I would see a counselor before you break up. No one you meet now will know that struggling 20 yr old kid who is now a man. Going through the stages of life together is immensely rewarding. Now when I meet a girl, she has no sense of who I was and how it helped me be who I am. My grandparents are all dead -- and they loved my old GF. Yea not a big thing. But it makes me sad anyway. I was sure I never wanted to be married or have kids too. But you know what? Now that I am not married and have no kids, life does not have as much meaning. I am not really needed or loved by anyone right now. And when I do go out with girls, all they see is who I am now with my own business etc. So it is easy to go out with girls now. But way back when? Only one girl really saw what was in me. I did not even see it myself. I wish I could apologize to her. So yes -- do what you want. But that history you throw away can never be replaced. Just my opinion.

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  • Is it at least possible that the reason you've lost interest in her is because you never got any space or time to yourself once you two moved in together?

    I find it amazing that so many couples don't understand how important it is for couples to spend at least a little time apart on a regular basis. The girls always seem to think absence of any sort will fundamentally weaken the relationship. And guys who are young and inexperienced think that if they take their eye of the girl for a second, she's going to fuck everyone in the town.

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