Is proving yourself to your man a good thing? Even after it's been 10 months?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 10 months. I love him with all of my heart but sometimes it seems as though he could care less about me. At times I feel used, uncared for, broken and just downright treated very disrespectfully! Also I am having a hard time trusting him because he has cheated (or what I consider cheating) once. He once told me that he was gong to sleep but then later I find out (from him) that he didn't sleep that night but actually went out with his single buddy and got drunk with some girls. He told me that he wanted to have sex with this chick that he was hanging out with but never got around to doing anything but flirting because he got too drunk, so he says! Because later he tells me that everything was a lie to get me jealous and hurt me. Why would he want to hurt me? Because he also later admits to thinking that I cheated on him and he wanted to get me back. He had thought he heard something while on the phone but of course it was only my friends dad but he refuse to accept that answer from me, all he can say to me is "Why can't you just admit you're a sl*t and that you cheated?" Which I respond "Because I'm not and because I haven't and never will cheated because I love you so why would I want to screw what we have up?" But he has also done some shady stuff that I would not classify as cheating but as a sign of disrespecting me. He's messaged and flirted with other girls just so that he can get attention from me. Some days it's weird because I will paint my nails and he'll get on my case and say "Oh trying to look pretty for the other guys? I reassure him all the time, spend money on him, shower him with affection but I still get rough treatment. I even walked 4 miles to his house in negative degree weather just to see him and prove that I really did want to see him! I just don't understand why I am the one giving and proving that I care while he's doing everything to hurt me on purpose. It just doesn't make sense to me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are in a relationship that will ultimately destroy you. From what you have written, it is clear that this person is more into hurting you than staying with you. He does not seem to trust you and is constantly on your case, accusing you with comments such as slut and the like but does things which I would not consider normal in a relationship (flirting etc...) I think, personally, that you should tell him to back off and treat you with respect. If he cannot do that, then you should leave him for someone else. Someone who will treat you better than he does. Yes, you do love him but that is blinding you to the damage that he is doing. Stop proving yourself to him and make him prove himself to you!

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

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What Guys Said 1

  • this sounds to me like a toxic situation that you really need to remove yourself from. if you can't trust him, and he does spiteful shit like saying he wanted to fuck some other girl to hurt you, that guy is a douche and someone needs to punch him in the face till their hand breaks.

    you deserve better, and better is out there. you just need to get rid of this guy and go find it.

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    • It is very toxic, now that I am seeing it written down like that I can take a step back and see that I really shouldn't be putting myself through this. Thank you for your comment/advice!!

What Girls Said 1

  • Girl, I didn't read all of this because its just you complaining about how awful he is treating you. Sorry, but its YOUR own fault. People will always treat you how YOU allow them to. If you respected yourself, you wouldn't even be with this guy. But since you disrespect yourself, he has NO reason to respect you. AND, there are no consequences for his actions.

    What's LOVE got to do with it? People just throw that word around and use it as an excuse to stay in a SHITTY situation, and then turn around and act like a victim. You're with a guy that treats you like garbage. No one is forcing you to stay in that relationship.

    Do yourself a favor and get a backbone, a dose of self respect, and a sprinkle of dignity and leave this guy. Quit crying about it and take action. This is all said with respect of course... good luck.

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    • You got me thinking, and everything you said is true... it is my own fault. Thank you for your advice/opinion!

    • Sorry my opinion is so blunt, but its just how I feel. This guy sees you as weak, and that's why he does what he does... unapologetically. He could careless. You're only hurting yourself by staying in the relationship. Trust that there is someone better for you out there... because there IS.

    • A blunt opinion is so much better then a sugar coated one though! I am not doing myself any favors by staying with him, I mean it has been awhile now. I should have seen the warning signs. I shouldn't be so blind. My best bet is to start focusing more on myself and building up my own life. I really do appreciate your comment!

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