Why would my ex tell me all these things?

My ex and I broke up 10 months ago now. We went a good 8 months without talking, but she started talking to me again, under the title of she wanted to be friends with me, and she was up front the whole time she was dating another guy and it was only as friends.

The guy she is dating now she dated before me too. She even recently told me that was the reason she broke up with me is she thought she was in love with him and she had only dated me for two months at the time and hadn't developed the same feelings for me as she had with him. I guess we started dating almost immediately after they broke up and then he started contacting her again and was real pushy about it, anyway she kinda screwed me over.

She has started calling me a lot lately, and she is still dating this guy but I get a feeling she talks to me more than she talks to him. Like we had 2 hour conversations both today and yesterday and one day last week she called me three times in the same day.

It was all friendly as she said, but recently she is some things that I don't know how to take. First she told me her boyfriend knows that she talks to me a lot and he looks at her phone logs and he isn't happy but she doesn't care. She then told me that she feels bad for her boyfriend situation right now, he has a rough stretch going on, and told me that she is a sucked for someone who "needs saving" and she feels she has to make them better. After that she told me "If I had a brain, I'd be dating you still, and never have broken up with you, you have your crap together". Later she also told me that I am better looking than her boyfriend. She also said at one point "I don't know why I broke up with you". And a couple days ago she told me I am genuinely the nicest person she ever met and that I would make the best dad when I have kids.

I am trying to stay out of talk like that considering she says we are friends, and I don't like messing around with people who are taken. What should I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • She sounds like a kid in a candy store and can't decide what she wants. She also sounds like an asshole for saying intimate shit like that while she's dating another guy.

    Anyways her bullshit can mean a few things
    -She's just saying whats on her mind with NO ulterior motive because you are "friends"
    -She's trying to keep you on standby in case she breaks up with her current boyfriend again
    -She's trying to test the waters to see if you're still interested in her for an ego boost
    -she's trying to test the waters to see if you're still interested in her because she regrets leaving you
    -she can't decide what she wants and wants YOU to make the decision for her.

    Anyways, she sounds like a mess and she's all over the place. She's said a few things I consider red flags. Which are that she's a sucker for guys who "need saving" and her boyfriend doesn't want her talking to you.

    Its best to be honest and ask her WTF she thinks she doing. But even if she tells you, she'll probably do something else (or the opposite of what she said she wants).

    in my opinion I don't think you should put too much faith in this chick. She doesn't sound stable romantically, and she doesn't sound trust worthy.

    • Thanks for the response! And she is a very open person, she tells me whatever is on her mind. Apparently if her bf doesn't get a job on Monday that he put in for, he is going to have to move to another state in a few months. One day I talk to her and she sounds like Monday is going to be the end of her relationship probably, then other days she talks about maybe moving with him.

      So like I can't get a read on her, but I do know I am not going to be flirty back while she is dating someone. I also tried not to rip her bf at first, but lately I have flat out told her not to put up with his crap, because as a "friend" that is the advice I would give any female friend of mine. But it's just weird, I think she knows I still like her, but I haven't told her and I haven't been flirty at all and I started talking about a girl I dated after her a little bit when she talks about her bf too much to kind of change the topic or kind of have her feel how weird it is sometimes.

    • Show All
    • While talking on the phone with her today, her and her boyfriend got into a fight on Facebook , and the fight was over me partly. She was giving me live play by play of it, she started saying that he just added some girl as a friend who had been hitting on him so she was going to confront him, she said he got mad in response and told her "Well I don't like you talking to that lawyer (referring to me)" and she said she told him "well I dont give a f***". I told her that her and this guy have way too much drama and I wouldn't be able to deal with that. She then kept fighting with her bf so I hung up the phone. She texted me since then on a completely unrelated thing like she realized she shouldn't have done that and was trying to change the topic. Im going to have that WTF convo with her next time she calls. Also just found out that her bf is moving to another state in July for his job...

    • Yeah, if you've got emotions involved, (you NEVER have to stop being friends with a person) but if you made your feelings KNOWN your friend (whom you are interested in) SHOULD NOT treat you so carelessly. You aren't her emotional bucket for all the fucked up shit going on her life.

      When you have the WTF conversation, make sure to put your foot down about her boyfriend situation. If she JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS then she's got to RESPECT YOUR FEELINGS and stop dragging your emotions THROUGH THE MUDD. If she wants a RELATIONSHIOP WITH YOU! then she better end things with that shit bag and get her life together.

      If she can't do EITHER of those things, you need to DROP her out of your life for you OWN well being.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • It seems pretty clear to me that she wants you back, but I wonder what would happen if you were to ask her out again. You're doing the right thing by not getting too attached.

    See, with talk like this, it seems to me that if you were to ask her out again (even though you said you're not going to do anything, but hypothetically speaking), she'd probably start saying "well, I'm still with him and I'm still into him" and then play it off like she doesn't really know what she wants.

    I'd do what you're doing now. Let it be. Don't pursue anything with her. There's always a glimmer of truth in all this, that she may be sincere, but I wouldn't out a great deal of stock in it. I just see more trouble here than it's worth right now.

    • i'd even be more cautious than what the others are suggesting, because if she really wanted to be with you, she'd be with you. NO EXCUSES. Don't let her lead you on, or be a backup, no human deserves that. Let go of your feelings for her, and tell her when she tells you she wants to be with you, that she's full of shit, because she's with him. AND DON'T BELIEVE ANY EXCUSES. If you want to be the backup, fine, hold on. But if she's already willing to leave you for someone else once, don't be surprised if she is going to again.

    • to me, it just shows that she doesn't love you as much. i wouldn't believe in her words at all. i've been in your situation, and all it led to was being cheated on.