Should I give up a solid relationship for a chance with my ex?

My ex and I dated for 3 1/2 years when we broke up in 2011. It was a terrible breakup where we had both cheated on one another but differently- mine just sex, his full relationship with someone I had mistrusted since we began dating. I had been 21 for 6 months at this point and we started struggling then. We finally got over the hard part of the breakup and have maintained a friendship. We stil hang out, cook dinner together, go to concerts. We have a similar personality and he understands me and my very bazaar family! Not to mention we had a daughter we gave up for adoption but both stay in contact with. So obviously we are always going to talk to one another.
I have been dating a new man for a year and 3 months. He is great and I love him very much. It took me a long time to be open to dating again. It is a healthy relationship where we talk very openly and share the same interests. No big problems, nothing to warrant breaking up in fact he proposed and I have agreed. I know we will last and it will be a good and happy relationship.
However; I when I last hung out with my ex he made a reference to us and him not knowing what he is doing with his life (including anything about us). It is always just really easy when we are around one another. I feel like the fact I'm thinkin about my ex is a sign that maybe I'm not over him as much as I thought I was!
Please some advice!!!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I do not think you should necessarily just give up a solid relationship for a chance with your ex. This is something you have to think through. I also do not think you should get engaged with your current boyfriend if you're second guessing him. When and if you marry your boyfriend in the future and you have your ex holding you back, I guarantee that your marriage will not last that long. The situation you're in, you have to be patient and smart with. Ten, fifteen, and maybe even twenty years along the road, you are going to be staring out your window and saying "I wonder if I would be happier and better off with my ex". Just realize what you can potentially lose something great but can surprisingly gain something great. Follow your heart, because this is YOUR life. You're the one who decides what decision should be made, not anyone else :) Just hope that you do not follow the same mistake as my mother made when she rushed into a marriage with my father and still had feelings for someone else.

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What Guys Said 3

  • It didn't work before so the odds of it actually working is almost zero. Stay with the good guy. You won't regret it.

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  • Yeah there's a reason he's an ex, this is a classic example of the infamous "chemistry hormones". When you find yourself attracted to a person you give off hormones, which are received by the male, and redirected into male hormones which are passed to you, this exchange is intensified over and over since you're genetically compatable, as your body has deemed, making him a suitable mate in a sense. It doesn't matter how long you were apart, that hormone will usually get you unless overpowered by your new "mates" hormone. So the difference between the 2 can give you second thoughts because you aren't as used to your ex's anymore, making things feel fresh. This is a misleading trait by design because it encourages spontaneity and therefore could encourage your drive to "mate" with others and produce more offspring. Soooooooo... science.

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  • yeah you really need to stop seeing your ex. period. until you are fully over him. i seriously think you will regret breaking up with this great guy to go back to an ex.

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What Girls Said 3

  • your ex is old news... don't take your current partner for granted!

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  • 1. You need to do some serious soul-searching before committing to marriage. Whether that means taking extra time for yourself or speaking to a therapist, it's not fair of you to agree to get married, while daydreaming about your ex.

    2. You were young when you dated your ex. Not to mention you both cheated on each other. It's likely that it's just better in retrospect. Sure you may hang out now together and it seem all fine and dandy, but remind yourself of why you broke up in the first place.

    3. *the big one* You MUST stop hanging out with your ex. Your child is adopted; sure you'll always be somewhat "tied" to your ex because you had his child, but you don't raise the child together, so it's not like you have to be civil for the child like parents with custody of their children do. Your relationship with your ex will have no effect on the child's direct upbringing. You're just using it as an excuse. Whether it's because you have cold feet after getting engaged I can't say, but regardless, continuing contact with your ex is in no way helping you.

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  • Don't go back to your ex. Think about it, you said you are happy with who you with now so stick with the present and future.

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