Parents divorced, my mother said they only married because she accidentally got pregnant with me.?

She told me this a couple years after they got divorced not long after I moved out of the house. She filed divorce papers on my father, and was relieved the "ordeal" was finally over.

They only married for me (and sister later) just to raise us and provide a somewhat stable environment. Said they ever loved each other, actually couldn't stand each other after all those years.

Also that it ruined her life as she never had the opportunity to feel real love or fall in love with someone. But that it was offset by raising us saying it was "worth it."

Not sure how to take all of this. I was a product of a one night stand and a shotgun wedding. Are there many others who grew up in a similar life situation?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Look! 99% of us are products of dysfunctional families. There are many just like your story. And many more to follow. Don't look for the negative in your scenario but the positive. They cared enough to attempt to give and your sibling a healthy start. Something two people who hated each other sacrificed you. The positive: I am NOT spending 18+ with anyone I hate ( think about it) couldn't a hated each other that much they had another child so your humble beginning wasn't a "one night stand" but the beginning of a life long relationship. How they chose to live it was your parent fault. So don't take the way they chose to live their lives affect your feeling; guilty or worse unwanted. You weren't given for adoption and you grew up in a two parent home. Now what you haven't mention was how was it growing up with them. You have more to be grateful for then to be worried about how mommy feels about daddy AT THE MOMENT! THAT IS THEIR PROCESS NOT YOURS...Husbands and wives still and always will have their moments

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What Girls Said 3

  • Well...did you have a good life? If so, then who cares? Your parents loved you and that's all that matters. Hopefully you won't make the same mistakes as they did?

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    • It was ok. Had it's ups and downs. I'm trying to live my life well, AND not repeat those mistakes.

    • Everyone has ups and downs, but as long as you make your life better then that's awesome.

  • Well, maybe your mother should have thought twice before she spread her legs for someone she didn't take seriously. No offense because I know that's harsh, but it's really not fair for her to lay her emotional baggage onto you as if it's YOUR fault when in fact: we don't get to choose what we're born with, including parents. You didn't choose her. You didn't ask for her to be the vessel in which you arrived in this world. You had no possible control over who's vagina you were created in. She on the other hand, was a grown ass woman who was well aware of the products of sex. Her lack of self-control and reckless irresponsibility is what inevitably smothered her opportunity to feel real love and fall in love with someone. That's the cold, hard truth.

    Don't feel guilty. You did absolutely nothing to feel bad about. So please don't feel horrible because your mother didn't get those experiences. It was her own conscious decision.

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    • I understand where your coming from. It was like a "one thing leads to another" situation. My mother is an excellent mother. She said she has absolutely no regrets when it comes to us, but you have a point. I don't think she intended to lay any emotional baggage on me, but its hard not to take it personally at times.

    • Yeah, that is something she should have kept to yourself. I can imagine you may feel guilty like you deprived your mother of something when you didn't really do anything at all. Please do not be hard on yourself: she made her decision.

  • I knew somebody who got divorced 1 week after her child got married. They wanted to divorce before but stayed together because they were worried that coming from a divorced household would decrease their chances of their son getting married since it's very important to his wife that his partner comes from a stable family environment. I don't think love is the most important thing in a marriage - but responsibility / respect / accountability / mutual help is. I would much rather be with somebody responsible and reliable than somebody who loves me but doesn't contribute anything positive to my life. Some people have unrealistic or unfair expectations in their partner but most of those dissolve as life experience increases.

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    • I also tend to agree that people have expectations of the "together forever" ideal that so many strive for. Also the concept of "shotgun" weddings are indirectly tied to that because of child birth. Things have changed a lot now and I think people have realized that slowly but surely. They did the best they could and I'm grateful for them.

What Guys Said 1

  • My dad walked out on my mom, sister and I when I was 3. My sister had just been born. Slightly different situation... But it fucked my life up nonetheless...

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