Help! He lied about his wife but not about their relationship?

I have been 'casually' seeing a man for over a year now. I use the term casually loosely as we were together almost everyday when we weren't working or busy with life. But, we were both very hurt from previous relstionships and wanted to take things slow. He called me when I woke up and after work. We texted all day. We would go out often. He'd take me to his fave places and ask to go to mine. He'd surprise me often. The surprises were always thoughtful and personal. He showed that he was really getting to know me. He also introduced me to his child. As the product of a single parent I'm not the type to run around having playdates with anyone's kids even when I'm exclusively dating. I wasn't raised like that. But I could see myself with him and he said I was the first and only girlfriend to meet his child. He was no longer with the mother as he said they could not work it out. I didn't think anything of it as he had been pretty upfront with me about her. And after not dating for a while it was refreshing to be building a friendship and truly getting to know someone (or so I thought) But I have to be honest and say I started to pull away a bit after this because we really started to fall for each other and I didn't want to be hurt again. But, we continued and I was hurt anyway as I recently found out he is married. He had been a little down and not himself lately. After doing a little investigative work I believe its because his wife is trying to salvage their marriage and he's trying to get out. Her social media activity indicates this to be fact and proves that he lied about being married but was honest about the status of their relationship. I know I should run but I feel paralyzed. I never thought I would be the other woman. I don't expect him to leave her for me but I don't want to lose our friendship. I thoroughly enjoy his company. Do I confront him? Do I just walk away? Please help

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm confused, yes he could still be married by law, but that could only be until the divorce go through. I try to maintain a healthy relationship with my soon to be ex husband. For our children sake. His wife probably use the term husband to save face to her friends on fb. Just ask him what's up and Keep an open mind divorce isn't as black and white as one may think. They could probably still live together just to raise their kid's. . A lot of people do, it's cheaper to an extent, and a lot of people don't wanna put their children through that..mean while they don't share a bed, haven't had sex in years, and both are seeing other people with having respect for the house hold. and its not an easy thing to deal with, some people are embarrassed to say they are getting a divorced, who wants to admit to a failed marriage.
    Any way before you jump to conclusions talk to him and see the real deal for your self, you should be able to tell if he's lying or not. Regardless what's for show on Facebook and etc..

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What Guys Said 4

  • Of course you confront him and then you run, not walk, away.

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  • I typically am the person to say run immediately from this scenario and I think after a year of being with him the fact that his marriage would come to light only now is quite damning.

    but a lot of people who are separated considered themselves to essentially be divorced. I would confront him. ask him why he lied. and then ask him, if he were you what would he do. the fact is he's put you in a crummy position. he lied, or at least omitted stuff about himself for a year and knowing your history (and his history) this is a really bad place to be in... I think ultimately that after a year the lie has been perpetuated for a bit too long. but I would want to hear what he has to say for himself.

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  • Tell him you know, back up and see if he's going to push through and divorce or get back with her.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Confront him, talk to her, kick yourself in the face for somehow not knowing that a dude with a ring on his left hand was married... In that order.

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    • He didn't have a ring or even a tan line on that finger for that matter. I don't entertain married men and would never do so knowingly.

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    • I may just be a little more experienced in said field... My mom has had quite a few married men hit on her, and I tend to attract older guys so I make sure I'm careful about who I actually talk to and date. Like I said, talk to him about it. If he comes clean, or really even if he doesn't, you need to tell his wife that you didn't know and that you're sorry that you took away a piece of his world. It will be messy and it will suck, but just remember it's really easy to block people on Facebook, and even easier to block people on your phone.

    • I'm very blunt and upfront. So I'm very open about asking those questions before I get emotionally involved. And I'll even run responses by male friends married and single. He was pretty crafty as no one saw any reason for me not to get involved...and a couple have friends who are serial cheaters.

      But, I appreciate the input. I will talk to him about it and hopefully he will come clean. However, I'm not sure about his wife. I personally feel like he needs to apologize to me and his wife. Had I been intentionally carrying on a relationship with her husband I would feel guilty and apologize without a second thought. However, at this point I'm not one to throw salt on wounds.

  • That is horrible please leave him my parents got divorced it affected me so bad I'm an adult now but when that happened I was 17 and you have no idea all the shit we've been though my dad left us abandoned us with no light food practically didn't care for us he dosent help my mom I had to forced moved school at the time and place of living I am miserable till this day I hate it here he still won't help at all I had to watch mom cry every night she had gotten depressed. They still keep a friendly relationship going but I'm hurt by it. Don't do this even as a friend he isn't trustworthy because he lied to you you don't want friends like that. You want sincere friends.

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