breaking up with a loved one even though u still want them/love them but out of anger from one issue and lack of appreciation?

broke up with my fiance few days ago. she's going through a tough time but its not an excuse. got angry from an issue which she brushed off but i found it insulting from her part and that she didn't respect my word and i told her it was wrong a few times and it bothered me which led to a big fight where she usually ends with empty threats and a mistake we got back and the rest. gave her over a week to realise her mistake which she didn't as she's used to me patching things up.
then found out that not only did she realise her mistake but she took it to a new level which got me very angry which led me to end it. sent a message which i thanked her + explained my reason and how she didn't care and no matter how much she means to me won't allow this insult and that she's better than this and hope she finds some1 who she loves and respects as what she did are not the actions of a girl who "adores" me as she says. attatched a pic of the issue that got me angry and i couldnt accept. she replied very defensively with more backstabbing which i ignored. returned her stuff and spoke to her mom apologised that the engagement is off.she's immature and stubborn and i dont think she fully grasps that from my perspective it was insulting it wasn't an issue of trust. i think she never thought id pull the trigger. been always great too sweet caring and generous with her that in her mind i can't live without her. she's back tomorow and will definetely return her stuff etc. she told me that i hurt her so bad she's playing the victim when she's wrong.

my question is for you girls if you were wrong and love ur guy and u know that u took him for granted and didn't appreciate and were too stubborn to admit ur fault and he snapped and ended it, i do know she loves me but what am i supposed to do. i took action which was stern and stood up for myself and i didn't bend over and allowed her to get away with it. never wanted things to end this way but she forced me into a corner
felt that she's takin advantage that im vnice and too loving and that i cnt live without her. i know that she never expected me to blow up even though it was silent and end it. when she became dfensive i ignored her lacklustre replies which she
accused me i changed and all that. i have to ignore and start a new page but if u were in her shoes what would u do and what advice for me on what to do. live my life and if she cares shed fix it. i feel i did right but my heart always longs for her


Most Helpful Girl

  • You know what... my mum is exactly like your now ex-fiancee so in my opinion, it is the best for you to break up with her. I hate it when my dad being passive and just being a good dog to my mum.

    And not just taking it out to my dad, she took it out on her children too. For me.. I know how you're feeling with this. I know how much it hurts but you can't say anything because you love her but.. sometimes, what is good to you, not the best for you

    You'll find someone better and she'll love you as much as you love her.

    • thanks. i always tell her dont mistake how nice i am as a weakness as i think my main flaw in my personality is i either love something passionaitely or its zero. no middle ground. she's going through a tough family issue and is depressed but its not a valid reason for you to defy me on a trivial matter which leads to mistrust to crawl into our relationship and also whenever ur wrong and u have no cards to play u threaten and say bad things about the relationship. and i care too much to hurt u back i go away ignoring her and eating myself up with anger.

      i had to draw the line so she changes by herself. im sure she never thought that he adores me hell never leave me. i just did returned her stuff apologised to her family that its off. i do love her but won't allow myself to live in an emotional manipulative enviorment regardless of how beautiful and nice she is when she wants to. if she cares so much shell find a way to change and win me back not the other way around

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    • the equivalaent of her methods are if we were married.shed do something wrong id tell her i dont like this. shell challenge me even if she has no argument then what? threaten to leave? build a negative cloud everytime? id rather be alone my whole life then live this way.

      funnily the first thing i told her when we got back is i warned her i hate these dramas and these petty fights. i can't believe how immature she is that i began questioning her intentions and love and that maybe she's driving me away on purpose. but why would she be hurt when i eventually left? even past fights she says bad things and i make her feel better so i think its just her way u know i just had enuff. during the previous fight she said get out of my life and went to see some kitchens for our house so i dont think in her mind that she wanted us apart. just her way sadly to get what she wants and win any argument. thanks for ur help

    • No problem! :)

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What Girls Said 3

  • First off as hurtful as this maybe for you, you absolutely did the right thing. I would move on with your life and try and find someone else when you are over her. you don't want to get into a new relationship when your feelings are this hurt. I don't think you should stay friends with her because that will make you want to hold onto the relationship even longer. if there were kids involved I would feel differently. plus if u ever want to date again u can't be friends with a exgirlfriend.

    • no kids and no friends window. i just hoped my action would make her wake up and realise she was childish and disrespectful and she didn't appreciate my efforts i dont want a medal but i dont want to feel like this u know? im still in contact with her mom asking about the family member as theyre family in a way but i never mention the girl. she's playing the victim card but im not falling for that. i do want us back but not if she will continue to only think of herself and have no regard for anyone else. everytime i list whats bothering me and what happened i realise she doesn't deserve all this care and not worth me feeling bad over this did more than what i could and should.

      i could have let immatureness anything else slide, but this topic was a red line for me and she could have avoided it completely from the first moment u know but she chose to be stubborn and look where it got us.

  • I think if it was real love something like this wouldn't have happened. I'm not saying this in a horrible way. Maybe it was for the best to split. But it is important to stay on good terms with x's if you can, if you's love each other then you should get together and talk, not argue or point out each others wrongs just listen and accept. Hope things get bettee

    • she's going through a very tough time with a family member in hospital and critical so i know she's not in the right mood and venting on me always. im always the one whois trying to patch things up and she's the personality where she loves herself more than anyone and no1 can tell her this is wrong and if u do she comes blazing with things she doesn't mean. one second im yours for eternity - fight - biggest mistake were back you changed bla bla. i know she never expected me to break it off i did it in a nice way and pointed out that no matter how much u mean to me i can't accept this as i feel its insulting to me as a fiance or the man in ur life. she said im crazy and stuff like that and no girl will stand for this. i disagree from where i come from i have a very valid case and she knows it. i feel bad cuz of the other issues in her life its not the time but if it isn't the time why did u allow the issue which bothered me to drag on and happen when u could have avoided it

  • As others have said if she can treat you like this she doesn't love you enough. You did the right thing, try going out with your friends or so to get her out of your head.

    • i honestly believe she loves me a lot even though i questioned everything lately cuz of what she's doing. her issue is that she loves herself too much she's on her pedestal and she's the type that i can do no wrong and cuz u can't live without me and u adore me then any fight she says empty breakup threats etc and believes i will come running to make her feel better. this is the first time i didn't and i ended it. im supposed to be angry in her eyes yet im more dissapointed than angry. she's blocked me not that i want or will contact i won't. hopefully she realises her mistake and behaviour and that i was great with her but i doubt it. trying to get her out of my head but it ain't easy. i feel bad cuz i care. she's suposed to be back today so im expecting her to return everything as i returned her stuff. shell do it as in an eye for an eye. i only returned her stuff to signal i am angry and i am serious she has to change. just can't believe she's the one who hates me now

    • You just don't need all of that, you can not live with someone for the rest of your life and be treated like shit. Yes I know you have listed a bunch of excuses up for her, but really? What about yourself? Dont you want someone who is willing to actually be with you and not push you away all the time, because she knows that you won't leave? For me it looks like she is trying to make you feel bad about doing the right thing, because she didn't think you had the guts to do it.

    • i broke up cuz if we didn't breakup up now we will later cuz i can't be with a girl whois not appreciating and being manipulative. i just miss how we were and the hopes we had.

      let her try to make me feel bad. if she didn't appreciate when i was with her she won't when im gone

      thanks for ur reply

What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like neither of you handled this disagreement in a mature manner. Breaking up is probably the best.

    • i actually approached her as maturely as i could be but she brushed it off and i didn't like it held my nerve. second day told her its wrong and from day 1 i warned her i dont like these scenarios and she's not this type of girl so she stuck to her issue and blackmailed with breakup her usual last hand. ignored for a week till i found that it hasn't stopped and somewhat increased so i had to pull the plug. she was vdefensive and insulting. returned her stuff and im sure she will too , i just couldnt let it slide the fact that she allowed her immatureness and stubborness to win over her love and to take into consideration of what i felt no matter how trivial.

      she's blocked me i took off the unblock as i only put it so she stops the bad things she was saying. didn't make contact and i won't. im sad cuz this isn't what i wanted but i was forced into a corner by her and i can't have her threatning breaking up every 2 mins

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