"seperated" is still married, seeing someone else when "seperated" is adultery.?

When it comes to divorce there is no such thing as being "separated" and honestly I hate hearing that word. You are etiher married or divorced there is no in between. I really feel that someone needs to be officially divorced before getting back into the dating game. I understand the concept of it that you are sperated as in not living together and awating a divorce but once again you are still married and not divorced and should not be seeing other people. To me regardless of how bad things may have gotten, both parties had put in a considerable amount of time and effort into the mairrage and the both parties owe each other that much to wait until they officially divorced before seeing someone else. It's the honorable thing to do. That and the dust needs to settle on everything in terms of custody of kids and whos gets what etc. I feeel that someone is not ready to date until at least a year after a divorce is finalized, by then that person will be over whatever hurt there might have been from the divorce and the dust should have settled on everything from the divorce. If you are separated and seeing someone else you are commiting adultery, its that simple.

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  • I agree with your statement especially if kids are involved. sometimes couples who are married get back together after one leaves the house for a while. you add a new partner and that can call for a nasty mess. plus if kids are involved you don't want to add someone new right away it's hard enough when mom and dad are not together. my parents were divorced by the time I was 13 and my father had a new women soon after and it gave me a bad taste in my mouth.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I haven't gone through this myself but I do think people need some time to emotionally and mentally heal before they are ready to be with another person. At the same time everyone copes with things differently and some like to have a fling or two to move on.
    Well that's not the route I'd go, but who are we to judge them? People will do what they will. Also you don't control your feelings so if someone happens to meet someone they really care for and its reciprocated, who are we to say what they can or cannot do.

    I guess the bottom line of my opinion is that its not in our control and its not our place to judge. If you're spiritual or religious have faith that God (or whomever you believe in) will do their job and do the judging in the end. If we're ever in that position we can take actions we believe are right.

    I personally will not get married a second time if the first doesn't work out. I personally feel that once I promise before god and my family that I'm going to be with this one man, that's it. I'm not going to make another promise to another man as if that first one was just void.
    That's just ME though, I don't expect every person on earth to do the same.

    That's the beauty in this world, we can decide for ourselves what actions we take in our life.

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  • I agree. I think you should be able to start a new life with friends and such but dating a separated person is not a good idea. Let them work all of that out and then after divorce lets start dating.

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  • My parents 'separated' when I was 10 or 11. They were eventually going to get divorced but all the paperwork and court stuff would have been too stressful for me at that age, not to mention they would have needed official documents and agreements about custody and they wanted things to flow easily and they wanted me to be able to decide where I wanted to be. AKA- a lot of bull shit they didn't want to deal with.

    They spent almost ten years separated before they officially got divorced. Neither wanted to get back together, both were in agreement that the marriage was ended, they just didn't want to go through the hassle of it all with a minor still living with them. It was a mutual decision, they woke up one day and realized it just wasn't working and they were both relieved and excited to be moving into a better place.

    You have no idea how long it takes people to "get over" a marriage. You have no idea what every divorce is like- because every single one is different. You have no authority to say 'it takes this long', 'if you have kids and possessions you can't be recovered until it's all settled', blah blah blah.

    There are hundreds of ways to get married and ceremonies to perform and every culture has a different definition. Divorce is one of the most arbitrary terms I've ever heard because it means completely different things and the process is entirely different all over the world.

    Divorce here just means the government declares it so. So if you want governmental bureaucracy to have THAT much control over our lives then you're just ignorant. All that matters is that the person is over their previous partner and ready to start dating again and both parties agree the marriage is over.

    That's what my parents did and it worked out perfectly. They are both happily remarried with people they started seeing while they were separated. No hard feelings, no left over emotions.

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    • I can see where you are coming from then, I just think about the people back in my home town that have been married 3 or 4 different times and as soon as they are "seperated" are off with another women like the all the vows that were made never even meant anything and they don't even seem the slighest bit upset about it. Just seen a lot of this and it has never been cool with me

    • And I can see your perspective as well. Just try to remember that, while it's upsetting to see those vicious cycles there are dozens of other reasons out there for separation hundreds of other ways the splitting of a marriage can happen. And even those people aren't doing it to ruin marriage for the rest of us, hahaha, they just don't want to be alone and they're not mature enough to develop a relationship and realize when something is or isn't going to work.

    • Excellent.. very well said. And thank you

What Guys Said 2

  • I disagree. Not that the situation has ever come up in my life.

    If you are actually separated, the rest is paperwork and fighting over assets. You are no longer a couple.

    In some jurisdictions there may still be legal implications, but not in mine.

    The fact that it takes a long time to finalize a divorce doesn't mean they should be treated as though they're a married couple.

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  • It's a loophole for sleazy people who will split anyway.

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